UK Police: Spy in Bag Probably Died by Accident

[Norseman]

I'll just quote the best part:

More than three years after the naked, decomposing body of British spy Gareth Williams was discovered stuffed inside a locked gym bag at the bottom of his bathtub, the mystery over his bizarre death lingers, and a police investigation has done little to clear it up.

London's Metropolitan Police said Wednesday that their investigation had found that Williams likely died in an accident with no one else involved. But the tentative conclusion, which the police hedged by acknowledging many gaps haven't been filled in, is unlikely to calm conspiracy theories surrounding the case.

More here.

Yeeeeeees. An accident. Anything else is just conspiracy theories.

[Lys]

He accidentally locked himself in a gym bag in his bathtub... well, sound plausible to me. A friend of mine was up in prison for organized crime? Well he got out after they had a new trial and determined the evidence for the first was tainted. Two of the witnesses decided not to show, and the third guy, well, he committed suicide. He stabbed himself in the back four times and threw himself off a bridge. Crazy shit just happens, you know?

[Batman]

If a whole at the time apparently complete and apparently not noteworthy tiny human can fit in a gym bag, that's one big gym bag. And unless bathtubs in the UK are a hell of a lot bigger than they are around here, being at the bottom of one should not make much in the way of difference. If there's a roughly human-sized lump of material in the tub, it's going to register.

[Hotfoot]

So, let's see.

He got himself into the gym bag, locked it shut from the inside, which, while difficult, is doable, and then threw himself into his filled tub?

I mean, yes, it's possible this could happen. It's possible he killed himself in some sort of insanely complex fashion to make it look as though it could be nothing else but foul play, possibly to get at someone from beyond the grave. This is possible.

But come on, really? An accident? If this were the case and nobody else was around, it's suicide, not an accident. You don't accidentally lock yourself in a fucking gym bag and then accidentally fall into a full bathtub. Unless this is a bathtub sunk into the floor, he'd have to be already in it or on the edge of it in order to wriggle into the tub. No matter how this happened, be it foul play or suicide, there HAD to be premeditation to it.

While the Houdini thing is possible, there's too many holes in that explanation to make sense as well. What a mess.

[Josh]

Boy it sure gives me a great idea for how to do myself if the time ever comes, though. It'll fuck with everybody's heads.

[Lys]

If you want to fuck with people's heads, tie some cheeswire around your neck, and the other end to some heavy object. Make sure you're somewere high up and give the wire a bunch of slack so the object can pick up a lot of speed while falling. Then you glue your hands to the sides of your head, and once the glue sets, kick the object off. If the wire and the knots are strong enough, you'll be decapitated once the slack runs out. To the people who find the your corpse, it'll look like you yanked your own head right off your shoulders!

[Norseman]

There's also the curious fact that his fingerprints were not on the padlock on the bag, or on the bathtub. Odd coincidence.

[Josh]

If you want to fuck with people's heads, tie some cheeswire around your neck, and the other end to some heavy object. Make sure you're somewere high up and give the wire a bunch of slack so the object can pick up a lot of speed while falling. Then you glue your hands to the sides of your head, and once the glue sets, kick the object off. If the wire and the knots are strong enough, you'll be decapitated once the slack runs out. To the people who find the your corpse, it'll look like you yanked your own head right off your shoulders!

Yeah but then I'll spurt blood everywhere and I want to be a considerate suicide for whoever has to clean up. Though the cool factor is undeniable.

[Hotfoot]

There's also the curious fact that his fingerprints were not on the padlock on the bag, or on the bathtub. Odd coincidence.

That depends entirely on how the situation happened. Fingerprints don't last long on contact with water due to being...well, washed off. If the bag was underwater, it makes sense that he wouldn't have left lasting fingerprints on the lock. The tub however, is another matter, what with the faucets.