RPG Player Quotes

Post by **B4UTRUST** » Sat Oct 21, 2006 7:51 pm

For those moments in games that just make you laugh, post them here. Similar to the user quotes thread save that this applies to RPG games both on the board and your own real life gaming sessions.

Post by **B4UTRUST** » Sat Oct 21, 2006 7:57 pm

This was taken from my group playing Call of Cthulhu

"We're stuck out here in the middle of bumfuck nowhere Nebraska, surrounded by rejects from Deliverance. We've got Mi-go trying to kill us and blow up the observatory and a planet sized elder god that's awakening the others and destroying the world in the process. We're low on ammo, high on injuries and I'm down to my last pack of cigarettes. What the fuck else could go wrong?"
"...The car won't start..."
"Fucking figures..."

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » Sun Oct 22, 2006 4:34 pm

A DnD game from long ago. You can put this under last words.

"Wait, there are how many goblins?!?"

My first and last Elvish Paladin Avandor's last words.

"All of you pull back, I'll defend the bridge."

Shadowrun conversation I had, another player and I are staning on a very high overpass overlooking a busy freeway.

"Oh yeah this stuff is great, I'm in deep with the Yaks so no one fucks with me. I even killed this stupid noob last week without a problem. You should have heard him squeal!" Other character (the noob he killed was my last character).

"Oh Yeah? So you're a Yak?" Me.

"Fuck yeah, sure I gotta do some shit jobs for the obiyan but you get a free run of the brothels and such if you do good." Other character.

"Cool. What about that noob you killed?" Me, sliding closer.

"Total loser, what a fucking moron. I got him with my knife. He screamed like a little girl." Other character.

"Is that right?" Me pushes the other character off the overpass, other character screams like a little girl on the way down into heavy traffic.

"DID HE SCREAM LIKE THAT YOU MOTHERFUCKING YAK!?!" Me, who had forgotten to tell him that this character had a unrelentling hatred of that group.

Good times, good times...

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 9:43 pm

IRWriter86: *laughs because your character can now make her own tentacle porn*
TeamhairTahal: Tentacle Slash Porn
IRWriter86: Slightly less enticing...
TeamhairTahal: Especially once I probe Adena up every oriface and then play 'make a wish' with her
IRWriter86: lol
TeamhairTahal: Nit: ....... Please stop the Mental Picture
IRWriter86: It's not that bad...

Charon · Post by **Charon** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 10:08 pm

IRWriter86: BESM... We went on the warpath when one of the other countries tried to assassinate our king. Eight had, IIRC, 600 kills in one session.
Artillery Tenor: Hoohboy. You guys do all the neat things when I'm not there, huh.
IRWriter86: lol
IRWriter86: What I still think is scary is that for as many kills as Eight had, he was still inferior to Doug and Mark's characters.
Artillery Tenor: lol
Artillery Tenor: hmm, so far I'm not finding it...
IRWriter86: Oh. A few beautiful Eight moments that allowed him to get the 600 kills. First battle is a defensive one on an outer city. The enemy has access to guns. I open fire with my ballista and role a 20. Then to confirm I get another 20.
Artillery Tenor: that sounds evil already
IRWriter86: We had some help from other future guys (Eight convinced one to upgrade him ) so the enemies guns didn't work. So when they charged to climb our walls I openned fire again, then we poured pitch down on the ground and I lit it. That caused a complete route.
Artillery Tenor: hehe
IRWriter86: Then with this route we start charging forward. We then face a highly fortified city that is totally gonna kick our asses. They send some diplomats to get us to consider surrender. They, of course, say no. Eight then decides to play things smart. He collects Mark's character and then goes over and convinces the enemy that, since he's a merc., he want's to work for them.
IRWriter86: *wants
Artillery Tenor: *nods*
IRWriter86: So Mark's guy and Eight are practically given free reign in their fort. We find their ammo storage, and discover that they have two howitzers. Since neither of our characters have to sleep we then spend the rest of the night getting set to sabotage their city. For example we get some unlit torches placed near their ammo storage, then we convince the night guard to step away from the howitzers and sabotage one of them.
IRWriter86: By bending the the firing pin.
Artillery Tenor: hehe
IRWriter86: We also notice that most of the warriors aren't really there of their own free will and are under the control of wizards. Overall there's like, 6 guys that are controlling the army. With their deaths they'll cut and run.
IRWriter86: So in the morning, Mark's guy and Eight set up next to the unsabotaged howitzer and are standing on the bulwark, pretty much right next to the guy in charge of the howitzer and the general of the army. You can see that on the other side Doug and company's army is a bit nervous because they're about to get pwned.
IRWriter86: As the general raises his arm and goes "Ready!" Eight turns and fires a ballista bolt through his chest, instantly killing him. Mark's guy quickly turns and cuts down the guy in charge of the howitzer closest to us. The other howitzer fails to fire causing a great deal of confusion. As the mages that are controlling the armies begin to realize that something has gone horribly wrong Eight turns to the Howitzer he's at as Mark goes to kill the other howitzer team. Eight then realizes he has no idea how to turn this gun. So he just steps infront of it and manually pushes and pulls it into position to fire on one of the mages just as he's turning around.
IRWriter86: Needless to say. That mage died a horrible painful death, as did the hundred or so men around him.
Artillery Tenor: LOL that sounds like it was good heedless fun :-)
IRWriter86: But wait. There's more.
IRWriter86: There was a second mage in charge of the army. He targets a lightning bolt down on Eight. Igniting the ammo for the howitzer that was behind him. Huge explosion fucks Eight up quite a bit, but I can still fly. So as I'm being flung forward at such a huge speed I guide myself into the mage, splattering him across the field of battle and creating a small crater. Mark's guy meanwhile non-chalantly goes over to the torches we stashed and tosses them into the ammo storage tent and runs, the explosion causes pretty much the entire enemy base to explode.
IRWriter86: Possibly the most fun fight I've ever had.
IRWriter86: Because it was SO ridiculous.

A rough outline of what was easily the most fun I've ever had gaming because the entire session was so damn ridiculous and Eight is such a fun character to play.

Another exploit of Eight.

*Guy refuses to do something for the steam-powered engine of death.*
Eight: *blows a puff of steam from his vents* If I had eyebrows they would narrow...

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 10:14 pm

Devonie: But you already said she's taken care of all the black riders
TeamhairTahal: No... DS corrected me on that. I got two of them
Devonie: oops
TeamhairTahal: That was all that was between me and Adena.
Devonie: oh well.
TeamhairTahal: Yeah... I was pissed. I wanted the hallways red with blood, just to freak the others out
TeamhairTahal: Just that scary thought "Who could do this....?" and then realize that Leah did this
Devonie: we're already freaked out by Leah
TeamhairTahal: Mwhahahahahahahahahha
Nitram: She speaks the truth.
TeamhairTahal: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH
Devonie: *giggle*

Masterharper · Post by **Masterharper** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 1:38 pm

(After explaing a certain fool's ineptitude at magery, mageduels, magedom, and pretty much anything magic that requires a little finesse. Rogue should tell the mageduel story!)

me: This guy is also playing 'himself' in a whitewolf game. He should have died three times over, but that GM is merciful.
12:46 PM falingard:
Just three times? a normal person in the WoD is just a brutal murder waiting to happen!

Lia · Post by **Lia** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 3:13 pm

Rogue SHOULD tell the mageduel story. It was GLORIOUS, and my only regret is that the bard was too busy running our front in Hillsfar to be there.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 9:40 pm

Speaking of the FSTGOD:

TeamhairTahal: I wonder how far away my Weather Magic can reach.... *eyes the Appalachians*
magithis: I don't think they'll let us throw around that much.
TeamhairTahal: Weather, my dear, is merely a matter of domes and ditches
TeamhairTahal: High/low pressure areas
TeamhairTahal: Warm vs cold air
magithis: And this game my dear is a matter of balence watched by 2 mods who won't want to hear it and have Dragons.

Charon · Post by **Charon** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:32 pm

Aaaand, my night is made.

Thank you Magi and Tev.

Masterharper · Post by **Masterharper** » Fri Dec 08, 2006 3:24 pm

Rogue DMing:
Well, there have been plenty of opportunities for you guys to become corrupt...unfortunately you've killed them all.

Charon · Post by **Charon** » Fri Dec 08, 2006 3:49 pm

agentfisherSDnet: Oh, question. Could I try negotiation instead of force?
IRWriter86: If you want to try to negotiate with Orcs have fun with that.
agentfisherSDnet: Ah, yes, Orcs. Hmm, never mind.
IRWriter86: Though it is usually in good character to send men to see what their terms of surrender are.
IRWriter86: I'd suggest sending people you don't like.
agentfisherSDnet: I'm sure I've got someone to toss away.

Shark Bait · Post by **Shark Bait** » Fri Dec 08, 2006 5:48 pm

In a game i was Dming

Frost giant after stomping CT: Oh god I just cant keep doing this its like mugging kids at the special olympics. *punches CT one more time takes his lunch money and walks off*

Charon · Post by **Charon** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 12:24 am

More wacky adventures of everyones favorite homicidal robot.

The entire party is told that they need to go save some ship that is falling from orbit. Eight starts getting ready.

Lt. Roy: You can't come along. There's a lot of sensitive equipment and considering your... love of destruction we feel it would only worsen matters.

Eight: I'm coming, I don't care if you want me to or not fleshbag.

Lt. Roy: I am not changing my mind on this.

Rest of the party: We agree with Roy, you're too dangerous to put near sensitive equipment like that.

Eight: You're right. Well with all of you gone on this mission I guess that would leave me in charge of the city huh?

Rest of the party: *eyes go wide* He's coming along!

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 9:15 pm

TeamhairTahal: I would like it if Darek starts sweating a little inside his bubble, tho. Right now she's holding nothing back.
TeamhairTahal: This will be the first and possibly the only time she doesn't hold back against hm
TeamhairTahal: Right now, she wants him dead. Painfully dead
TeamhairTahal: Flay the clothes from his back, the flesh from his muscle, the muscle from his bones, DEAD
TeamhairTahal: Oh, the bones will be slivered and shaved to flecks of bonedust as well
IRWriter86: Except for the fact that it's the master...
IRWriter86: *grumbles*
TeamhairTahal: I know. I know
TeamhairTahal: He can still sweat a little at her own power.
TeamhairTahal: He's got more, but she sholdn't have that much

Charon · Post by **Charon** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 9:33 pm

AIIFHarbinger: holy hell..
IRWriter86: Hmm?
AIIFHarbinger: slaughtering 2/3rds of the city?
IRWriter86: They're daemon worshippers.
IRWriter86: 2/3's weren't.
AIIFHarbinger: *shiver*
AIIFHarbinger: that is it... the population is being cleansed
IRWriter86: Seems like it's already been cleansed...
IRWriter86:
AIIFHarbinger: you sick fuck

My work here is done.

Bratty · Post by **Bratty** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 10:24 pm

Overhead at character creation:

Robert: "I am making a halfling priest with a lot of baking skill."
Erica: "You should have him worship the god of tasty goodness."
Robert: (laughs) "That is a good idea. His avatar is going to be the pilsbury dough boy."
Erica: "So he has a dough boy as an angel on one shoulder, and a devil on the other?"
Robert: "One says, 'kill the innocent'. The other says, 'bake the innocent'."
Erica: "Prepare to meet your baker."

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:56 pm

This one is a while back, but I just remembered it.

ST: Okay, Martin. Gonna need a soak roll for the tank round.

Me: Okay... I need twenty four dice. Loaners?

After rolling...

ST: Um.... How many successes did you get?

Me: Fifteen.

ST: The tank round does no damage, but your clothes are toast.

Me: Fuckers better not have ruined my hat.

Something Awesome · Post by **Something Awesome** » Thu Jan 25, 2007 12:05 am

Bratty wrote:Overhead at character creation:

Robert: "I am making a halfling priest with a lot of baking skill."
Erica: "You should have him worship the god of tasty goodness."
Robert: (laughs) "That is a good idea. His avatar is going to be the pilsbury dough boy."
Erica: "So he has a dough boy as an angel on one shoulder, and a devil on the other?"
Robert: "One says, 'kill the innocent'. The other says, 'bake the innocent'."
Erica: "Prepare to meet your baker."

Wow, what a coincidence: just today, my friend Rob was helping his friend Erica create a character.

From a session of Star Frontiers:
DM: You open the door to find a bathroom, with stalls lining one wall and sinks on the other.
Me: I check the stalls, one by one.
DM: You find nothing in most of them. You get to the last stall. Roll for initiative!
Me: What?! What's coming out of the toilet at me?!

Earlier in the same session: my character, D'Zascyllask, is a Vrusk, or a giant space insect. We enter a cafeteria, and the other two party members are bickering about something inane (can't remember if it was in character or not).
Me: I hop on the nearest table and boogey down.
DM: *Facepalm* Roll me a Dex.
Me: *Rolls a 1* Aw, crap.
DM: You trip over your own 6 feet and fall off the table. Roll a d4 for damage.
Me: Dammit!

I recently joined their D&D adventure too, and they met my character in a tavern, where I was introducing the locals to a little game called "Ale Pong." My human rogue ended up in a drinking contest with the barbarian on the team, and somehow I won. However, the sissy elf got the bright idea to draw on our faces while we were passed out. We spent the next half hour (real time) chasing the elf around the city.

Cynical Cat · Post by **Cynical Cat** » Thu Jan 25, 2007 12:26 am

Umbras: "What happens in Middenheim stays in Middenheim."

The Necrontyr Messenger · Sat Jan 27, 2007 11:24 am

Playing a mad character, when the camp is attacked:

Me: Right, he gets up, and swings at the nearest person.
GM: Okay. The nearest enemy is...
Me: No, nearest person, full stop.
GM: You're kidding, right?

The nearest person promptly ducks out of the way of the loon, and gets shot. Twice.

Scottish Ninja · Post by **Scottish Ninja** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 7:59 pm

In a recent Rifts game:

Me: "Okay, it's a white box marked "Tootsie Rolls. US Army, manu. 1942."
Player 1: "I'm going to eat the tootsie rolls."
Player 2: "No, wait, I'm going to fight you for them."
Player 3 (who's driving the truck the first two are in the back of): "I'm going to cast Befuddle on Player 2. I can do that, right? I mean, we're on the savannah, it's not like I'm going to hit anything."
Me: "Yeah, okay, so you cast befuddle and WHAM! Looks like you just hit something. Oh, and half the tootsie rolls spill out of the back of the truck."
P3: "I stop the truck and get out."
P1: "I get out and go after the tootsie rolls."

Post by **B4UTRUST** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 11:04 pm

magithis: Well the god of the group *stares* should try something godlike and yank him out where I can...Well... BLAST him!
Nitram Tahalshia: I can't help but think that holy energy is not the wisest choice around a half-demon and a guy with a SuperTumor.
magithis: When has our group gone with the wise choice?

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 12:10 am

BraidedShinigami: I see you and blackheart are getting along famously
TeamhairTahal: I'm going to see if he'll take a swing at her
BraidedShinigami: *shakes his head*
BraidedShinigami: And you guys are going to defeat a bunch of demons?
TeamhairTahal: Nope. We're gonna get creamed.
TeamhairTahal: Or work out our own demons first
BraidedShinigami: I think there's a better chance of Bush and congress getting along then this team working together peacefully

Post by **B4UTRUST** » Sat Apr 28, 2007 2:08 pm

[14:58] HotfootB5: I swear dude, if it weren't for that freaking wasp, Blackheart would have died of an anyuerism at this point
[14:59] BraidedShinigami: that wasp is a demon shard lol
[14:59] BraidedShinigami: and it's whats causing him to continue his downward spiral of stress and breaking bloodvessels in his brain
[14:59] HotfootB5: heh
[15:00] BraidedShinigami: I'm thinking about having Ultima suggest installing some agression inhibitors
[15:00] BraidedShinigami: but I think he'd blow them out and that'd be a waste of a lot of tax payer money
[15:00] HotfootB5: hehe
[15:02] BraidedShinigami: I could actually see that happening too...
[15:03] HotfootB5: Yeah
[15:03] BraidedShinigami: "You really don't want to piss me right now. You really don't. I'm about half an insult away from blowing out my last agression inhibitor and not even God is going to be able to help your sorry ass if that happens. So I suggest you sit your ass down in that chair before I put you through it."
"Oooh I'm scared..."
Tendril of smoke puffs out of Blackheart's ear.
"And there it goes...."

LibriumArcana.Games

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