Paranoia: Happiness is just a laserblast away

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B4UTRUST
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#1 Paranoia: Happiness is just a laserblast away

Post by B4UTRUST »

Until today you were just another Clearance INFRARED worker, working a low-pay job for one of The Computer’s service firms. For a hundred credits a month you did light drudgework in a food vat, bot maintenance facility, reactor control room or clone tank. The work was dull. Meals consisted of microwaved Hot Fun pouchmeals, extruded ropes of Cold Fun and a bag of algae flakes, washed down with CoffeeLike, TeaSir or the occasional Bouncy Bubble Beverage. You slept in a different bunk each night in the communal barracks. It was loud as a boiler room. It smelled like turpentine. You got skin rashes and ringworm. Still, you drifted along blissfully in a haze of free HappiTime medication.

Then you reported another INFRARED’s treasonous behavior to your friend The Computer. In recognition of your service, The Computer promoted you to RED Clearance, awarded you 1,000 credits and your own quarters, authorized a reduction in sedation, and granted a token treasure from the high-clearance hydroponic gardens: an apple. A real apple.

If it weren't for your shiny new red jumpsuit, you might almost think this was a day like any other in your life, here in DMM Sector. After all, you're sitting at the same processing line you've always worked at in your service firm, alongside the same INFRAREDs you've always known.

And yet, it's not like any other day. For one thing, the hint of jealousy in your co-workers' eyes is certainly new. You wonder how long it will be before Your Friend The Computer asks you to heroically serve it and all Alpha Complex. Suddenly the RED-Clearance supervisor for your shift appears, waving a small printout at you.
"Looks like our high and mighty Troubleshooter has to go have a mission," he says to the others. "Don't worry. I'm sure the rest of us will enjoy making up the difference in today's quota."

Your hands tremble for just a moment as you take the printout and see the RED border around it. This is it, Troubleshooter! Your first mission assignment!

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#2

Post by Josh »

Jim-R-BUM-1 brightened up as he received his card.

As mandated by Friend Computer, his abilities would be put to further good use.

He was mildly dismayed by the obvious Commie sabotage of the communications network that had allowed crucial details of the message to be garbled, but assumed that Friend Computer would put things right by the time he arrived at the transport tubs.

Hands in his pocket, whistling a cheerful Bouncy Bubble Beverage jingle, he set off for the tube.
When the Frog God smiles, arm yourself.
"'Flammable' and 'inflammable' have the same meaning! This language is insane!"
GIVE ME COFFEE AND I WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE!- Frigid
"Ork 'as no automatic code o' survival. 'is partic'lar distinction from all udda livin' gits is tha necessity ta act inna face o' alternatives by means o' dakka."
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#3

Post by Dark Silver »

John-R-BKL-1 had spent the mind numbing dull day on the assembly line, whistling a tune he had heard earlier that day. Thankfully, the standard medication given to he and the other Red and Infrared clearences kept his mind off of it the drudgery and onto the work nessacry by Friend Computer.

When he received the message of his Important Mission, John-R-BKL smiled at the ascertation that he unique skills were obviously nessacry, and thus he was summoned by Friend Computer for this utmost, and obviously it was utmost, important mission. That fact the message was slightly corrupted, was of no concern, for Friend Computer would fix any such misunderstanding and obviously Commie Traitor tampering when he reported for his mission briefing.

With that, he moved to report to his assigned Transport Tubeway.
Allen Thibodaux | Archmagus | Supervillain | Transfan | Trekker | Warsie |
"Then again, Detective....how often have you dreamed of hearing your father's voice once more? Of feeling your mother's touch?" - Ra's Al Ghul
"According to the Bible, IHVH created the Universe in six days....he obviously didn't know what he was doing." - Darek Steele bani Order of Hermes.
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#4

Post by Caz »

Colgate-R-NAF-1 fidgeted, drumming her fingers on the tabletop as she watched the Power Service man, who was eyeing himself in the mirror.

"Shorter," she said.

He brought the scissors to his hair. Snipped.

She was about to insist he trim closer yet again when the message arrived, and she headed toward the mentioned tube with her hands stuffed into the pockets of her jumpsuit. The scissors and comb had been shoved in her back pocket along with other assorted Hygiene Officer's material in her belt pouches. As she arrived at the facility, she folded the telegram into her breast pocket and waited, brushing one immaculately-kept strand of hair from her eye.

As she'd left the Waste Disposal Closet, she'd given no explanation to the man she'd been reprimanding for extended bang growth. After all, Friend Computer needed her now. This was a way to show all of Alpha Complex what she already knew: she was of superior material than the Infrared and Red-level meatsacks she'd previously been forced to interact with.
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#5

Post by B4UTRUST »

As the troubleshooters leave to head to the transbot station, they're greated with all the wonderfully fun sights and sounds of Alpha Complex. Mandatory advertisements for TeaSir and B3 surround them as they make their way through the halls of DMM Sector.

As they enter the Transbot station they find that Transbot platform A8:C7:60:FF is easy enough to find. Directional signs indicate it's at the top of a set of RED stairs. This is a special stop platform for RED clearance citizens and above, yet another one of the perks that your new clearance allows you. You can't help but feel rise in your pride as you hold your chin up a little higher, climbing those RED stairs.

As you all make your way onto the platform a vid-screen is inset into the wall displaying the current schedule of Transbots, accurate to within seven daycycles. A sign below this states that the seven day accuracy puts DMM Sector amongst the highest efficency sectors in all of Alpha Complex. According to the schedule the Transbot for your mission should be arriving in approximately 15 minutes, give or take seven days of course.
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#6

Post by Josh »

Jim looked around with a placid smile on his face, projecting the mandatory aura of happiness that demonstrated his contentness to be one small cog in the mighty machine that was Alpha Complex. Around him were his fellow RED citizens, part of the elite that were above the common INFRARED herd.

Of course, every last one of them was a competitor to be crushed with brutal ruthlessness. His recent experience had proven compellingly that the best path to advancement was over the backs of his peers.
When the Frog God smiles, arm yourself.
"'Flammable' and 'inflammable' have the same meaning! This language is insane!"
GIVE ME COFFEE AND I WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE!- Frigid
"Ork 'as no automatic code o' survival. 'is partic'lar distinction from all udda livin' gits is tha necessity ta act inna face o' alternatives by means o' dakka."
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
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#7

Post by Dark Silver »

John read over the list of Tansbot arivals, his eye twitching slightly. It was envigorating to know that Friend Computer kept everything running with such efficiency.

He moved onto the Transbot boading tube, to await the arrival, sometime in the next 7 days and 15 mins.
Allen Thibodaux | Archmagus | Supervillain | Transfan | Trekker | Warsie |
"Then again, Detective....how often have you dreamed of hearing your father's voice once more? Of feeling your mother's touch?" - Ra's Al Ghul
"According to the Bible, IHVH created the Universe in six days....he obviously didn't know what he was doing." - Darek Steele bani Order of Hermes.
DS's Golden Rule: I am not a bigot, I hate everyone equally. | corollary: Some are more equal than others.
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#8

Post by Caz »

She watched the others as they waited for the Tube. Two males, obviously inferior speciments compared to herself. Obviously fresh promotes from Infrared (like herself, although she'd never admit it).

So as opposed to starting trouble, she smiled and offered a tiny wave, barely the uncurling and curling of a few fingers.

"Hello!" she said with a bright, shiny, white, straight, and most noticeably natural smile.
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#9

Post by Josh »

He smiled and waved back enthusiastically. "Hello! Isn't today the best day ever?" he enthused. "Did you hear that productivity in the industrial section of BAH Sector has been increased four hundred percent in the last week?"
When the Frog God smiles, arm yourself.
"'Flammable' and 'inflammable' have the same meaning! This language is insane!"
GIVE ME COFFEE AND I WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE!- Frigid
"Ork 'as no automatic code o' survival. 'is partic'lar distinction from all udda livin' gits is tha necessity ta act inna face o' alternatives by means o' dakka."
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
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#10

Post by Dark Silver »

"Why no! I had not heard that at all, Though I heard MRF Sector's transtubes have been having problems with thier efficiency quota's. Imagine such things."

John smiled cheerfully, and twitched slightly.
Allen Thibodaux | Archmagus | Supervillain | Transfan | Trekker | Warsie |
"Then again, Detective....how often have you dreamed of hearing your father's voice once more? Of feeling your mother's touch?" - Ra's Al Ghul
"According to the Bible, IHVH created the Universe in six days....he obviously didn't know what he was doing." - Darek Steele bani Order of Hermes.
DS's Golden Rule: I am not a bigot, I hate everyone equally. | corollary: Some are more equal than others.
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#11

Post by Josh »

"Oh?" he said cheerfully. "Who was spreading such seditious slander? Of course you reported this defeatism, correct? Malicious Commie lies, no doubt."
When the Frog God smiles, arm yourself.
"'Flammable' and 'inflammable' have the same meaning! This language is insane!"
GIVE ME COFFEE AND I WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE!- Frigid
"Ork 'as no automatic code o' survival. 'is partic'lar distinction from all udda livin' gits is tha necessity ta act inna face o' alternatives by means o' dakka."
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
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#12

Post by Dark Silver »

"Oh indeed, I reported such activities to Friend Computer as soon as I heard the vicious Commie lies, and was told that the MRF sector Transtubes are working as schedualed!"
Allen Thibodaux | Archmagus | Supervillain | Transfan | Trekker | Warsie |
"Then again, Detective....how often have you dreamed of hearing your father's voice once more? Of feeling your mother's touch?" - Ra's Al Ghul
"According to the Bible, IHVH created the Universe in six days....he obviously didn't know what he was doing." - Darek Steele bani Order of Hermes.
DS's Golden Rule: I am not a bigot, I hate everyone equally. | corollary: Some are more equal than others.
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#13

Post by Caz »

Colgate-R-NAF-1 listened to the two banter back and forth and removed her comb from her back pocket. She began to tidily comb her hair to the requisite Female Hygiene Officer's chin-length, parted down the side above her left eye. The bangs were at eyebrow level, and even as a ruler straight across. She proceeded to groom herself while watching her reflection in one of the polished walls.

"Did you hear that they're coming out with a new flavour of ChocoLike-VitaYum?" she asked with an enthusiastic if somewhat distracted smile. As she finished, she laughed: a high and obnoxious sound more befitting one of those BirdLike Animals that were rumoured to have once existed outside Alpha Complex.
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#14

Post by Josh »

"Yes, yes I had. It's supposed to be three times as tasty as the last variety!" he enthused. "Only in Alpha Complex can we have ever-better, tastier food and drink, thanks to Friend Computer, of course."
When the Frog God smiles, arm yourself.
"'Flammable' and 'inflammable' have the same meaning! This language is insane!"
GIVE ME COFFEE AND I WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE!- Frigid
"Ork 'as no automatic code o' survival. 'is partic'lar distinction from all udda livin' gits is tha necessity ta act inna face o' alternatives by means o' dakka."
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
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#15

Post by Caz »

"Indeed," she said with a bright smile, and then an interesting eyebrow wiggle as she laughed again, going into gossip mode.

"You know, in sector CTL the other day, I actually heard one of the Power Service workers say he didn't understand how Friend Computer could be involved in the production of meal substitutes." She shook her head slowly, as though remorseful but obviously not.

"Of course, I had no choice but to Fix him."
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#16

Post by Josh »

"Your vigilance is incredible, as is your loyalty, fellow citizen. Myself, I heard rumors that one of the workers in my shift crew was..."

He paused for dramatic effect.

"A mutant. So I turned him in immediately, and... he WAS."
When the Frog God smiles, arm yourself.
"'Flammable' and 'inflammable' have the same meaning! This language is insane!"
GIVE ME COFFEE AND I WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE!- Frigid
"Ork 'as no automatic code o' survival. 'is partic'lar distinction from all udda livin' gits is tha necessity ta act inna face o' alternatives by means o' dakka."
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
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#17

Post by Caz »

"A mutant?" She said the word as though it was alien to her. "You must be working in a dangerous sector, friend."
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#18

Post by Josh »

He coughed. "I am not authorized to discuss the details of my work with you, friend citizen."

His eyes darted to the ceiling as he donned a look of self-importance.
When the Frog God smiles, arm yourself.
"'Flammable' and 'inflammable' have the same meaning! This language is insane!"
GIVE ME COFFEE AND I WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE!- Frigid
"Ork 'as no automatic code o' survival. 'is partic'lar distinction from all udda livin' gits is tha necessity ta act inna face o' alternatives by means o' dakka."
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
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#19

Post by Caz »

She smirked, figuring him for a liar but of course being far too mandatorily polite to say so.

"You must be doing Alpha Complex quite a service then, friend," she said, voice dripping with admiration.
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#20

Post by Josh »

He preened. "I have the honor to be one of Friend Computer's Troubleshooters," he said proudly. "I cannot discuss more than that."
When the Frog God smiles, arm yourself.
"'Flammable' and 'inflammable' have the same meaning! This language is insane!"
GIVE ME COFFEE AND I WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE!- Frigid
"Ork 'as no automatic code o' survival. 'is partic'lar distinction from all udda livin' gits is tha necessity ta act inna face o' alternatives by means o' dakka."
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
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#21

Post by Caz »

"That would make two of us, friend," she said. "Which means that the places we're headed to must be of great importance indeed."
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#22

Post by Dark Silver »

I perked up at the mention of the other two being Troubleshooters, "Indeed, so we all thre seem to be!"

He was uncontrollably cheerful, or soit seemed, almost sickeningly so, with the smile plastered on his face. "So, Friend Computer has summoned you two as well on this obviously mission, then this will indeed be very important!"
Allen Thibodaux | Archmagus | Supervillain | Transfan | Trekker | Warsie |
"Then again, Detective....how often have you dreamed of hearing your father's voice once more? Of feeling your mother's touch?" - Ra's Al Ghul
"According to the Bible, IHVH created the Universe in six days....he obviously didn't know what he was doing." - Darek Steele bani Order of Hermes.
DS's Golden Rule: I am not a bigot, I hate everyone equally. | corollary: Some are more equal than others.
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#23

Post by Caz »

While she had mentioned the fact of being a troubleshooter, she'd mentioned nothing about the mission.

"For what cause has Friend Computer summoned you, sir?" she asked with feigned curiosity, looking to the man who'd just spoken.
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#24

Post by B4UTRUST »

As the conversation continues down, you hear an approaching transbot. A shiny new vehicle glides smoothly to a halt at your stop. With a faint hum and swish, the glossy RED doors slide open invitingly.
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#25

Post by Caz »

Driven both by her anxiety and her own sense of importance, Colgate strolled through the doors first with hardly a glance to the two men.
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