Well that is a point yes. It's a critique of modern society, and certain modern trends. Still, it's for a competition which means that it has to stand on its own as a story, not just a warning.frigidmagi wrote:On the sci-fi story... Let's hope it doesn't come to that. It doesn't need to come to that. But that doesn't mean it won't. But alot of these issues just need time to resolve themselves. We just need time.
When reading that story I remember a quote, I can't remember who from, but I think it's Napoleon.
"Ask me for anything but time."
Author Feedback - Norseman
Moderator: LadyTevar
#51 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
#52 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
And for the record I've put out a new edition of Into the Abyss which removes the lengthy dialogue section that was so soundly criticized. Hopefully the new version works better.
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#53 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
Okay so I have caught up on Polar Invasion (more like Polar trade mission honestly :P). Interesting so far, the Electric Elves as I will now dub them don't seem to be that far ahead, decades yes but not centuries in most things.
Are they only dealing with the British at the moment?
Are they only dealing with the British at the moment?
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
#54 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
So far! ;)frigidmagi wrote:Okay so I have caught up on Polar Invasion (more like Polar trade mission honestly :P).
It is steampunk, or will be, but yes we are talking a century ahead or so at most. Though when you get into the steampunk technology figuring that out can be tricky.frigidmagi wrote:Interesting so far, the Electric Elves as I will now dub them don't seem to be that far ahead, decades yes but not centuries in most things.
They are probably doing minor trade etc with other nations too. Most particularly the French. I chose Britain because I know more about Britain than about any other gov't in this period. However the next few chapters will indeed touch directly on diplomatic efforts.frigidmagi wrote:Are they only dealing with the British at the moment?
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#55 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
Sleeping on a stove is not something I would care to try honestly. It is nice to see that some things will never change though.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
#56 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
Big Russian brick stoves looked like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_oven one of the pictures show how you could sleep on it.frigidmagi wrote:Sleeping on a stove is not something I would care to try honestly. It is nice to see that some things will never change though.
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#57 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
Your protagionist comes off as rather foolish and a bit selfish. It's an interesting if slightly disturbing experiment so far.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
#58 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
Well it is a vision of a hell, so it ought to be disturbing. And portraying beauty where the medium of beauty is in itself evil is quite hard to do. Though I must admit that being able to just work the descriptive itch out of my system feels great.frigidmagi wrote:Your protagionist comes off as rather foolish and a bit selfish. It's an interesting if slightly disturbing experiment so far.
EDIT: Added chapter 2. I should also add that I'm trying to give the piece a sort of dreamlike / opium haze feel, occasionally running partly on dream logic or associative logic.
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#59 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
So, is there a reason your prose is attempting to be more purple than Lovecraft?
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#60 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
If I am following the story correctly, the character is actually from the 1800s and is a high class woman. Which means writing in the blunt stark manner you and I write in would be wildly out of character.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
#61 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
Yes.LadyTevar wrote:So, is there a reason your prose is attempting to be more purple than Lovecraft?
But seriously I was inspired by the decadents and the aesthetes, and the way that they use language and description. There are some seriously descriptive passages in the "Picture of Dorian Grey" for instance. The exoticism and lavish descriptions were in some ways a reaction to realism.
There is also the fact that in "Vale of Tears" (one of my best works) I constrained myself heavily in my writing, and now I really want to gorge a bit in description.
There is that too, a high-class literary writer inspired by cutting edge aestheticism. The story is set in the fin de siècle period too. I am also trying to give it a somewhat dreamlike atmosphere, that works according to associative logic and dreamlogic.frigidmagi wrote:If I am following the story correctly, the character is actually from the 1800s and is a high class woman. Which means writing in the blunt stark manner you and I write in would be wildly out of character.
Normally I'd make it straight fantasy, but since this is supposed to be written in the 1890s I use the device of this being an opium dream.
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#62 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
She's a clever little thing I'll grant you that. She still comes off as very heartless and not very smart though.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
#63 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman
In a sense the place I'm writing about is what you get when you take:frigidmagi wrote:She's a clever little thing I'll grant you that. She still comes off as very heartless and not very smart though.
"There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all."
and
"No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style."
To their natural extreme. A place where morality has nothing to do with art and beauty, not even trying to oppose it. And I am trying to do so without the wagging finger, without cheap moralism and a "lesson to profit by."
So yes heartless may be very apt, at least in the sense that the protagonists heart is in the wrong place.
EDIT: Though I'm a bit curious about how the protagonist is clever but not smart, I think I get what you mean but could you elaborate a little?