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#26

Post by Norseman »

frigidmagi wrote:It feels like the Col is accusing him of something here?
Something yes, but I'm keeping it quiet for now.
frigidmagi wrote:What is this soceities feeling towards homosexuality anyways? If it's like Victorian England being called that rates a duels if I remember right...
It depends on where you are and who, certainly being accused of it is very bad, and the church does disapprove. That said the attitudes are often more in line with certain parts of Italy or the Byzantines, in that it is considered somewhat bad, but not always a priority. I'm a bit too tired to go into detail right now though.
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#27

Post by frigidmagi »

Stirring up rebellion huh? How Cold War. Is there a reason why they don't simply invade and have done with it?
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#28

Post by Norseman »

frigidmagi wrote:Stirring up rebellion huh? How Cold War. Is there a reason why they don't simply invade and have done with it?
Two big reasons: Plausible denial and cost.

If they stir up a rebellion then they can always deny that they had anything to do with it. If on the other hand they go in guns blazing the other autonomous and independent (sorta) states would realise that it would be them next. It would in short cause quite a bit of trouble on multiple fronts.

Second is cost, invading Iconia would require 200K-300K troops, with air support as well. It could possibly be done with less, but that'd be more of a gamble and the empire don't like those. It's much, much cheaper to stir up a rebellion.
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#29

Post by frigidmagi »

Only if it works.
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#30

Post by frigidmagi »

I do like the byplay between Caroline and her aunt. Although it does seem like Auntie there doesn't quiet get her niece.
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#31

Post by Norseman »

frigidmagi wrote:I do like the byplay between Caroline and her aunt. Although it does seem like Auntie there doesn't quiet get her niece.
It's somewhat like trying to understand a woman studying to be a medical doctor in the 1880s or 1890s (in France and Russia for instance that was possible), instead of accepting obvious and excellent chances to join Society (note the capital S).
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#32

Post by frigidmagi »

Now that is just bloody odd. Why would the lady be chucking her son at some strange girl without a title?
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#33

Post by Norseman »

frigidmagi wrote:Now that is just bloody odd. Why would the lady be chucking her son at some strange girl without a title?
Obviously she doesn't expect him to marry her (he won't BTW). There are other motivations that underlie this, partly she just thinks he should have a girl (read mistress / concubine) and getting one he rescued from highwaymen would be good PR for him, make him look dashing and brave.
Last edited by Norseman on Tue May 19, 2009 1:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
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#34

Post by Norseman »

And to clear things up a bit I've made some changes in chapter 9 to show why she's talking to him about this.
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#35

Post by LadyTevar »

That was anti-climatic. The Wydes didn't even throw a spear at the dwarves? That's just pathetic.
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#36

Post by Norseman »

LadyTevar wrote:That was anti-climatic. The Wydes didn't even throw a spear at the dwarves? That's just pathetic.
I may edit it later on to add some fighting, but the idea was basically to show how they were hit so hard and so fast that they were unable to really put up a resistance. A properly made fort would have provided more protection, not least by giving them a roof to stand under.

That said I hope you liked the scene with Ivar and Solveig.
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#37

Post by LadyTevar »

Now that was an interesting twist on "Run for your life" games.
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#38

Post by Norseman »

LadyTevar wrote:Now that was an interesting twist on "Run for your life" games.
Bit of a spoiler there innit? ;) But yes, I wanted to make people think a bit about their views on things like sex and violence. It's strange how people seem to think that one is so much worse than the other.
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#39

Post by frigidmagi »

Caught up at last. It's interesting to see the dwarves going to war. I like how King Garl pronounced he can't or won't change the law because it doesn't belong to him but he'll work within the law. Then again King Garl doesn't seem like your proto-typical King as he has alot more limits. Very well done there.

Are our boys trying to force the Wyldes into a decisive battle or just burning and looting?
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#40

Post by Norseman »

frigidmagi wrote:Caught up at last. It's interesting to see the dwarves going to war. I like how King Garl pronounced he can't or won't change the law because it doesn't belong to him but he'll work within the law. Then again King Garl doesn't seem like your proto-typical King as he has alot more limits. Very well done there.
I am basing this on Old Norse ideas of kingship, where the king was mainly the first among equals and all the people who "owned" the law (that is the free men of a district) had to agree before it could be changed. Indeed lagabrigdr (law-alterer) was one of the greatest insults you could level at a king, meaning something roughly like tyrant.
frigidmagi wrote:Are our boys trying to force the Wyldes into a decisive battle or just burning and looting?
They are trying to force the Wydes to come out to play by burning and looting, but they're also doing it to live off the land and keep the troops busy. Needless to say the Wydes on the island won't be happy about just sitting still while the Irnans burn and loot.
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#41

Post by frigidmagi »

Interesting Prologue. Short though.
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#42 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman

Post by LadyTevar »

How Many Times are you going to re-write the SAME STORY?

Enough, already.
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#43 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman

Post by Norseman »

LadyTevar wrote:How Many Times are you going to re-write the SAME STORY?

Enough, already.
I feel that overall plot cohesion is improved here, to be precise I was never happy about how the plot turned from one of love and love-denied, to a quest story, and back to love. Ivar (or Herulf as he'll now be called) has to be made into a secondary character, both to limit word-count and to get a cohesive narrative. Effectively this is writing a new novel, but recycling some of my old material. Chapter 2 for instance is entirely new and more new material will come along later on to make it Gudrid's story.
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#44 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman

Post by frigidmagi »

You know I've been telling you to stop playing with it and send it out to agents for years now?
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#45 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman

Post by Josh »

If you want to put a story out and make moneys off of it, I'd recommend reading these blogs.

http://kriswrites.com/business-rusch-pu ... -articles/

http://www.deanwesleysmith.com/?page_id=860

Seriously, the doors are wide open these days. You have to invest some in cover art and professional editing, but past that if you have product, it will sell.
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#46 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman

Post by Norseman »

Josh wrote:Seriously, the doors are wide open these days. You have to invest some in cover art and professional editing, but past that if you have product, it will sell.
I'd rather not self-publish. More importantly I'm not sure if I have the product. I've received very positive feedback from LadyTevar, but aside from her reactions have been negative. For whatever reason I seem to be something of a minority taste.

EDIT: I am very grateful to everyone who has supported me though. It's just that I seem to be a bit too hit and miss. Further I promised myself that if I didn't get a good review at ABNA I would do the rewrite I've been thinking of for a while; changing Gudrid to be the main character and removing most of the old main characters scenes. It's something I've really mulled about and which I want to try.
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#47 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman

Post by Josh »

Not going to argue your position- your work, your life, etc. But for my own part, honestly these days I'd rather self-publish than go traditional. After you're established, the pay is worse, the contracts suck, and you have the constant uncertainty of changing editors, fickle whims from the company vis a vis unrealistic sales targets.

Right now authors are jumping ship. Not in a huge tide, but it's enough that the publishers are clamping down on the ones who are staying. The no-competes are total bullshit.

One other thing, though, if you are looking at a publishing house- go with an IP lawyer over an agent. A lawyer is a one-time fee, whereas an agent is not necessarily on your side and the vast majority ain't lawyers and therefore aren't qualified to handle legal matters. Even if you were to get an agent, you would want to backstop them with an actual lawyer before inking a deal. The links I gave can give a lot of info on the sins of agents and the shenanigans they get up to. Hell, I could print a bunch of cards on my printer and start calling myself an agent, that's all it really takes.

One other other thing: John D. MacDonald said that every writer has a million words of crap to get through before they start to produce readable material. The key is not to bog down and keep moving forward. Just keep writing, revise to suit (but not overmuch) then either send it or just move on to the next one. Writing is fun, dude. Just keep on crankin' it out.

Edited to add: There are good agents, don't get me wrong. It's just that a writer is swimming in a sea of sharks looking for the occasional friendly... umm... dolphins are evil, so... umm... friendly... killer whale. That's it. Killer whales are friendly.
When the Frog God smiles, arm yourself.
"'Flammable' and 'inflammable' have the same meaning! This language is insane!"
GIVE ME COFFEE AND I WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE!- Frigid
"Ork 'as no automatic code o' survival. 'is partic'lar distinction from all udda livin' gits is tha necessity ta act inna face o' alternatives by means o' dakka."
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
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#48 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman

Post by Josh »

Okay, said it in the PM but I'd also like to say it here:

This is deft characterization, good pacing, and the plotting works well. The characters face obstacles and there's a good sense of tension from early on in the story. It's not my regular type of story fare, but you've got me hooked and I damn well want to see where it goes now. :smile:
When the Frog God smiles, arm yourself.
"'Flammable' and 'inflammable' have the same meaning! This language is insane!"
GIVE ME COFFEE AND I WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE!- Frigid
"Ork 'as no automatic code o' survival. 'is partic'lar distinction from all udda livin' gits is tha necessity ta act inna face o' alternatives by means o' dakka."
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
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#49 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman

Post by Norseman »

And for the information of y'all I've finished review Gudrid (where Gudrid is now the MC), I hope that y'all will agree that this is enough of a change to make this basically a new novel and give it a go. Either way I'll enter it into ABNA 2013.
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#50 Re: Author Feedback - Norseman

Post by frigidmagi »

On the sci-fi story... Let's hope it doesn't come to that. It doesn't need to come to that. But that doesn't mean it won't. But alot of these issues just need time to resolve themselves. We just need time.

When reading that story I remember a quote, I can't remember who from, but I think it's Napoleon.

"Ask me for anything but time."
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