Author Feedback, Hotfoot.
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- frigidmagi
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#1 Author Feedback, Hotfoot.
I liked the Black Pigs, and would like to see more.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
#2
Thanks for the good words. I've been struck by the itch, and I think I'd like to set up some more stuff. It's actually been a while since I wrote that, but I've been thinking about starting the game back up, so I might go back over some things, maybe clean up the parts that didn't work well.
Last edited by Hotfoot on Sun Aug 27, 2006 11:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
#3
While not part of the Black Pigs saga, and not even in the same setting, this is part of a larger story I've been trying to put together for years now. It's a little rough, because I've been sorely out of practice. In a way, it felt like writing two stories, one for the dialog, one for the description.
Still it was nice to get something out for once, even though I'm not a hundred percent happy with it, because it's given me an idea of what needs to be toyed with.
I think next I'll do the actual beginning. I've been wanting to do the actual heist for years.
Still it was nice to get something out for once, even though I'm not a hundred percent happy with it, because it's given me an idea of what needs to be toyed with.
I think next I'll do the actual beginning. I've been wanting to do the actual heist for years.
- frigidmagi
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#4
It was kinda of an awkward place to come in on I think, but an interesting read none the less.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
- LadyTevar
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#6
You post about as often as Nitram, but when you do the stories always make me want to see more.
Did Richter know Luiz was the hidden partner? Is that why he gave Luiz the weapon?
Did Richter know Luiz was the hidden partner? Is that why he gave Luiz the weapon?
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#7
Nice. Very "Burn Notice."
It's not that I'm unforgiving, it's that most of the people who wrong me are unrepentant assholes.
- frigidmagi
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#10
This is damn interesting. I hope to see more. A few questions though.
Where is this taking place exactly? I remember you telling me it's a Librium Universe story, but where in the universe is it? Is it taking place in the LU's modern day?
Where is this taking place exactly? I remember you telling me it's a Librium Universe story, but where in the universe is it? Is it taking place in the LU's modern day?
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
#11
It will be taking place after the League is formed, but several years prior to the war with the Asseverate. As to where, specifically, that will be revealed soon enough (i.e. I've been thinking about it, and I've got a basic idea).
I haven't nailed it down completely, but it's either in a UP protectorate, or out in the fringe of UP space, at least currently.
I haven't nailed it down completely, but it's either in a UP protectorate, or out in the fringe of UP space, at least currently.
- rhoenix
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#12
The name of this story makes me think dirty thoughts.
That aside, this was damn well done. Though it was dark, it was as I could sense an ever-present smirk as you were writing it, which reminded me of quite a few of your other writings.
By all means, continue.
That aside, this was damn well done. Though it was dark, it was as I could sense an ever-present smirk as you were writing it, which reminded me of quite a few of your other writings.
By all means, continue.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
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- frigidmagi
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#13
If it happens on a UP world, you're going to have to answer how they avoided scanners or a uniform rush when shots were reported.I haven't nailed it down completely, but it's either in a UP protectorate, or out in the fringe of UP space, at least currently.
A UP protectorate would likely have a completely different culture and not the ultra-present survillance of the UP, so if I may humbly suggest that might be best. If you like I'll spin one up for you?
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
#14
I didn't know how well developed UP fringe worlds were, but yeah, protectorate was the first thing that came to my mind, but I wasn't sure which way I wanted to go. In any event, Argo Trade Station is going to be a fairly open port, maybe just outside of regular UP jurisdiction. I'd be more than happy to talk with you about that, of course.
Edit: Yes, I smirk a bit as I write this, it's fun. I'm glad you're all enjoying it.
Edit: Yes, I smirk a bit as I write this, it's fun. I'm glad you're all enjoying it.
Last edited by Hotfoot on Wed Mar 05, 2008 2:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- frigidmagi
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#17
The plot thickens.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
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#18
I see we are now looking at the 'good guys'. A little confusing with the similar names, you didn't do quite enough to make them stand out. Shifting from Alex to Maas and back didn't help.
Other than that? Good chapter. :)
Other than that? Good chapter. :)
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#19
The names are the easiest thing for me to change, but I have to wonder which names were similar? You mean Marquez and Maas?
Also, I'm not quite certain what you mean by shifting between Alex and Maas. I'm writing in third person style with limited omniscience, just as I did from the beginning. Part of the interplay here is that there is a focus on certain characters, just as there was early on with Gerald, Luiz, and Richter. There are some potential edits coming to this chapter, on review, but some specific examples would be appreciated of things that caught your attention.
Also, I'm not quite certain what you mean by shifting between Alex and Maas. I'm writing in third person style with limited omniscience, just as I did from the beginning. Part of the interplay here is that there is a focus on certain characters, just as there was early on with Gerald, Luiz, and Richter. There are some potential edits coming to this chapter, on review, but some specific examples would be appreciated of things that caught your attention.