Author Feedback: AgentFisher

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sun Aug 05, 2007 12:40 pm

Well... for a first try, it's not that bad. However, I'm gonna be picky :sad:

The Bad: The pacing's rushed, the whole "You're a Meta now/Take my card" hits far too fast. It was too "wham-bam-thankya-ma'am", and really deserved more time spent on it.

The Good: The opening paragraph was just perfect. A nice sense of tension, and of everything about to go very wrong. If you'd kept this up throughout the rest of the story, it'd have been much better.

But these are just a couple tips for the next chapter, or if you decide to revise this one. I'm interested in seeing what Ghost was up to before he made Ultima.

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » Wed Aug 08, 2007 1:00 am

Your spelling and grammer are alot better then mine.

That said you need to slow the hell down.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Wed Aug 08, 2007 1:50 pm

Interesting take on the spy biz.. remove the metas from the picture, and the drug cartels eat each other alive.

Agent Fisher · Post by **Agent Fisher** » Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:04 pm

Glad you liked it.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sat Aug 25, 2007 3:47 pm

As I said in IMs, repeating the intro didn't work. Changing it to her view worked much better.

The reunion with his wife made the story, tho. Great job.

LadyTevar · Post by **LadyTevar** » Sun Apr 04, 2010 10:50 am

Now that was a damn good story, and a very scary idea for the P-Stones.

LibriumArcana.Games

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