LibriumArcana.Games

Well... for a first try, it's not that bad. However, I'm gonna be picky :sad:

The Bad: The pacing's rushed, the whole "You're a Meta now/Take my card" hits far too fast. It was too "wham-bam-thankya-ma'am", and really deserved more time spent on it.

The Good: The opening paragraph was just perfect. A nice sense of tension, and of everything about to go very wrong. If you'd kept this up throughout the rest of the story, it'd have been much better.

But these are just a couple tips for the next chapter, or if you decide to revise this one. I'm interested in seeing what Ghost was up to before he made Ultima.

Your spelling and grammer are alot better then mine.

That said you need to slow the hell down.

Interesting take on the spy biz.. remove the metas from the picture, and the drug cartels eat each other alive.

Glad you liked it.

As I said in IMs, repeating the intro didn't work. Changing it to her view worked much better.

The reunion with his wife made the story, tho. Great job.

Now that was a damn good story, and a very scary idea for the P-Stones.