Feedback for Charon

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Charon
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#1 Feedback for Charon

Post by Charon »

Go ahead! I can take it!

*whimpers in a corner*
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#2

Post by frigidmagi »

Good story.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
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#3

Post by Charon »

This 'second chapter' I'm not so proud of. It just never seemed to come out quite like I wanted it too... Ah well.
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#4

Post by rhoenix »

This is good stuff - if you plan on writing more, I look forward to reading it.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

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Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
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#5

Post by LadyTevar »

I'm very glad that Crimson manages to stay on his Good Side... and that Overload is around often enough to make sure there IS a Good Side
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#6

Post by rhoenix »

I liked your three short stories, and you're inspiring me to take a creative writing course myself.

I liked the flow of the stories, the cadence, the description, and the subtle fleshing-out of the characters. My one small complaint is a technical one, and one I can recognize because I do the same thing myself - string together too many parts of a sentence with commas, instead of making a new sentence.

Don't feel bad though - given your third short story, you already caught it and are working on it as a writer.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

- William Gibson


Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
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#7

Post by LadyTevar »

Damn.

Thats all I can say hon.
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#8

Post by The Silence and I »

Regarding the first story (I have not read the rest yet):
I... don't think there are enough descriptions in there. I can't even tell if Matt's earlobes are rounded and dangle a little or connect to his head in a direct line. Sheesh. :roll:

:grin:
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#9

Post by Charon »

rhoenix wrote:I liked your three short stories, and you're inspiring me to take a creative writing course myself.

I liked the flow of the stories, the cadence, the description, and the subtle fleshing-out of the characters. My one small complaint is a technical one, and one I can recognize because I do the same thing myself - string together too many parts of a sentence with commas, instead of making a new sentence.

Don't feel bad though - given your third short story, you already caught it and are working on it as a writer.
Actually that third one is the first that I wrote for the class. But yeah the long sentences is a minor issue I have had for awhile.
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#10

Post by LadyTevar »

...................
Now I know why you say mad wizards are dangerous.
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#11

Post by The Silence and I »

^^^Don't underestimate the dragons either...^^^
<><><><><>
Awesome--I was hoping I'd get to see what happened there and then :grin:
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#12

Post by frigidmagi »

Damn dude.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
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#13

Post by rhoenix »

Wow - that's some serious high-level magic there. For a wizard to pick a fight with a dragon who's apparently that powerful, his flaw must have been pride - after all, he was forced to kill them both to win.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

- William Gibson


Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
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#14

Post by LadyTevar »

But the wizard didn't pick a fight. He was just looking for his 'birdie'... that happened to fall on top of the dragon and shatter.

The dragon picked the fight, then. The wizard just finished it.
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#15

Post by rhoenix »

LadyTevar wrote:But the wizard didn't pick a fight. He was just looking for his 'birdie'... that happened to fall on top of the dragon and shatter.
Yeah, that looked like a complete accident. Sure. :wink:
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

- William Gibson


Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
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#16

Post by Charon »

rhoenix wrote:
LadyTevar wrote:But the wizard didn't pick a fight. He was just looking for his 'birdie'... that happened to fall on top of the dragon and shatter.
Yeah, that looked like a complete accident. Sure. :wink:
The world may never know.

*goes back to writing other stories, or lazing about, much more likely the second*
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#17

Post by LadyTevar »

Great Glitch story :)
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