If you caught your friends having an affair...

[Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman]

....will you tell the husband? What will you do?

See, here's the situation:

You have three friends: Andrew, Imabelle, and Kay.

(1) Andrew and Imabelle are married.

(2) Kay is a single guy.


Lately, Kay and Imabelle has been so close with each other, and you can reasonably suspect that those two are having an affair. Among those three, though, your closest friend is Andrew.

Then, in an evening (after office hours), you met both Kay and Imabelle at some local Starbuck's. Those two looked surprised when you greet them. And it seemed they tried to stiffle their anxiety.

Coincidentally, your suspicion showed and they noticed it as well. They told you that Imabelle, being an insurance agent she is, is offering an insurance product to Kay. So they both told you that it was just a prospecting, that's all. Nevertheless, they looked cozy (although you can't be sure because the signs were very subtle), and they seemed to be relieved when you left them.

So what are you doing now? You are not the only one who's suspecting that they have an affair. In fact, your other friends has also been noticing the chemistry between Kay and Imabelle everytime you all hang around together.

Also, Andrew (Imabelle's husband) is your closest friend. You are more close to Andrew than either Kay or Imabelle.

So the questions are:

(1) Do you think the fact that you caught them going out together is sufficient to conclude that they do have an affair?

(2) Would you tell the fact to Andrew, while implying that they have an affair?

--or--

(3) Would you tell the fact to Andrew, but just the fact, and let him draw his own conclusion?

--or--

(4) Would you keep silent, knowing that saying anything can ruin Andrew and Imabelle's marriage, while you, on the other hand, has no concrete evidence?


What will you do? On one hand, the chemistry between Kay and Imabelle has been indeed noticeable even before you spotted them after office hours. Not to mention you are not the only one who started being suspicious; most of your friends have been noticing it as well.

On the other hand, do you have concrete evidence to say anything?


What will you do?


disclaimer: all those names are fictitious, but the situation is real. And in case you wonder, I'm actually the Kay in the scenario. I AM the one who was being caught. :sad: And before you kill me, PM me if you want to know the whole story.

[Ra]

I'd probably keep silent, simply because, well, I wouldn't have concrete evidence, and wouldn't want to cause harm to the three people in question (b/f, wife, husband). I guess I'm just not the gossipy type.
- Ra

[Robert Walper]

I wouldn't say anything. If and when I found out for sure, then I'd tell my friend. After that, it's up to him and his wife to sort out the issue.

[Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman]

Makes me wonder; though. What is the concrete evidence of an affair? Where do you draw the line and says, "ah, that's an affair for sure."?

Even if the observer in the OP (that guy is still unnamed, though) caught Kay and Imabelle walking out of a hotel room, does it actually prove anything? Or it does?

[Caz]

I'd tell everyone everything I know, make them all sit down together, and suggest we have a menage-a-four.

Seriously.

[B4UTRUST]

...not to attempt a thread hijacking here or anything...

but damned if I don't like Caz's idea...or maybe it's just that I like Caz. *shrugs*

On topic...

Truthfully I have no clue what advice to give you. Part of me wants to tell you to tell him what's up and let him deal with it. Part wants to tell you to mind your own business and let it be, just let it be. I don't know. I just don't know.

[Robert Walper]

I'd tell everyone everything I know, make them all sit down together, and suggest we have a menage-a-four.

Seriously.

Yuck.

[Josh]

If you're pretty sure, let him know.

I'm a brutal truth kind of guy.

[Comrade Tortoise]

I would tell him my suspicions. Marital infidenity, especially between one's wife and a close friend is very very wrong, and I would be a very very bad person is I didnt inform my friend thathis wife was betraying him. Not only that, but from an epidemiology standpoint, we dont know what diseases Kay has and is passing on to both Imabelle and Andrew

[Brother-Captain Gaius]

I am a firm believer in maintaining the maximum amount of fact and truth while ruthlessly eliminating as much hearsay and rumor as possible. Hence, I voted the second option: Tell Andrew the facts; he can then make his own conclusion.

[Uraniun235]

I'd talk to Kay, tell him things look really fishy and that I'm not the only one who sees it, and ask him what's going on.

[Caz]

If you're pretty sure, let him know.

I'm a brutal truth kind of guy.

Yup. If you don't have any evidence like, say, walking in on them fucking, talk with the husband anyway. Better to have him be momentarily pissed at you than to have him get his balls busted and/or heart broken later on.

[Rukia]

I've been in a situation like this before... we got caught and someone told... It was messy.. still is. And the guy and I aren't even together romantically anymore.

I'd probably keep my mouth shut although I'd want to tell, just to be a good friend. But I think that the evidence here isn't sufficent enough to conclude anything.

Makes me wonder; though. What is the concrete evidence of an affair? Where do you draw the line and says, "ah, that's an affair for sure."?

Even if the observer in the OP (that guy is still unnamed, though) caught Kay and Imabelle walking out of a hotel room, does it actually prove anything? Or it does?

Oh and there are definate ways to conclude an affair... *cough*incriminatingpictures*cough*

And what did Kay and Imabelle look like when emerging from said hotel room?


A very touchy subject.....

[Comrade Tortoise]

I'd probably keep my mouth shut although I'd want to tell, just to be a good friend. But I think that the evidence here isn't sufficent enough to conclude anything.

*Insert Ad Homineim Circumstantial here*

[Rukia]

I'd probably keep my mouth shut although I'd want to tell, just to be a good friend. But I think that the evidence here isn't sufficent enough to conclude anything.

*Insert Ad Homineim Circumstantial here*

So what I'm understanding is you're saying that my opinion is invalid because of the situation? Just because I've been in the situation doen't mean I'm bias. I would feel the same had I not been in a similar situation. Matters of the heart have nothing to do with anyone but the two (or in this case three) involved, and without conclusive evidance than far be it for anyone to say anything that might not be true and ruin a relationship.

[The Village Idiot]

If he is my good friend, and more so then any other, I am going to express my concerns and tell of the facts...and only the facts that I know. I look out for my friends and I would want him to make his own conclusions, but I would not let him go blindly. If I could I would straigt out and ask either of Kay or Imabelle....seperatly if they were, or thinking of. All is fair in love and war, and information is ammo.

[Cpl Kendall]

I say nothing, not my business.

[xBlackFlash]

I would wait until I knew for certain, or at least had a lot more evidence. If I repeatedly ran into them at Starbucks, or anywhere else really, there would be cause for alarm.