Too Little, Too Late

[Lord Iames Osari]

So, I’m now virtually certain that I’ll be flunking out of college. I knew I wasn’t doing too well, but I always thought that I’d be able to pull myself out of it… and now, I suddenly find that it’s too late.

I’m not sure which is worse, the sense of shame and self-loathing at my inability to learn from my mistakes of last semester, or my dread of having to tell my family and friends about it, especially my girlfriend, who was looking forward to coming to the same school I’m at next year (she’s a year younger than I am).

I’m aware that suicides are slightly more common among people in similar situations, and I’ll admit my thoughts have strayed that way, but as someone who’s tried to kill himself once before, I know I don’t have the willpower to override my survival instincts, but now, I’m at a loss of what to do. Some part of me wants to believe that if I just try I can still make things turn out all right and stay in, but I know that’s just foolish optimism. I just feel like a complete and utter failure. I have no idea what I should do next, I’m afraid of telling my family, I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to learn from my mistakes, and I’m afraid that I’ll end up as just some slob working at McDonald’s and Wal-Mart, unable to follow through on his potential and get a college degree. I’m not even sure why I’m telling you all this. I guess I just want some sympathy, or maybe some mockery. I don’t know, I just hate what I’ve let myself become.

I’m ready to just give up at this point, because realistically I know that continuing to try would just be wasted effort, an exercise in futility. But the another part of me wants to keep battering myself against the cliffs raised by my own incompetence until there’s nothing left to batter anymore.

I suck at life.

[B4UTRUST]

same shit happens to everyone at one point in time or another. You just have to realize that you've made the mistake and figure out how to move on from it.

College is not the end all be all that it's made out to be. I know dozens of successful people who have never set foot inside a college classroom. There are pleanty of jobs out there far better then McDicks or Wally-World for the high school degree holder.

I'd say the military is an option if you think you can handle it. The pay's not great but it's better then flipping burgers and you, if you chose at a later date, finish out your degree with the military paying for it.

DS works for a company making more then I do and the requirements for his job were a high school diploma.

My friend Carla graduated high school, runs her own business(a very successful one at that) and is getting ready to open up a second one. She's 23.

If you find something, go for it. Again, college isn't the end-all, be-all. And it certainly isn't worth killing yourself over. If I killed myself over every time I truely fucked up, well, I'd be dead. So there.

Yes, my motivational speeches suck. I'm much better at the 'you're a waste of oxygen and should go kill yourself for your stupidity" speech. But I reserve that only for my underlings and subordinates. Of which you are neither. So don't pay attention to that idea. Really. Stop thinking it. Now. Yes, now.

[LadyTevar]

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

If you're feeling that way, get offline and go talk to a counselor at the college IMMEDIATELY. They can help you a lot better than a buncha faceless Net-people can.

[Lindar]

Iames. I know exactly how you feel. I flunked out of my first college twice. I thought that it was awful the first time, but the second time i didn't know what to do. I wanted to give up entirely and came very close to it, but there was a voice that said 'HYPOCRITE!' so be taht what it may it got stuck out. Things changed and schools changed. Ended up at a community school, where i did manage to excell (hhow i'll never know). Granted there were plenty of miserable days, and people made me feel damn worthless, because "feh she can't even stay in school", which didn't help things. But there was always someone who believed i could do it. So even when i had given up, someone else kept pushing me along.

I found out that way though, that what i was trying to go to school for wasn't what i ought to be going for. And since i've been happier, most of the time. There's still times i wonder, because i seem to be cyclical, but life is like that with the seasons. Someone does care, so don't give up the ghost yet. You're on your way to where you're supposed to be and these things are the things that help us grow into what we're to be.

that's probably more about me than i've posted here before i don't usually care to talk about it, so if that offers any help Iames feel free to drop a line. The situation is rough, and far from preferred by most, but it is still a learning process in it's own.