Since my dad had just passed away, I guess it would be most appropriate if I pay some tribute to him.
During his youth, he was always the most famous guy in the university; not only that he was handsome (he was more handsome than either me or my brother), but he was also an amateur mountaineer, jungle explorer, and weight lifter. He was quite a He-Man; a Man with capital M and no wonder girls always flocked around him whenever he went. And yes, even to the top of the mountain and into the jungle as well! It was quite customary for him to "teach the ladies how to climb the mountain" during weekends. If you ever watched the TV series
MacGyver, it was basically my dad when he was young, only with more girls! *Much* more.
But it was before he married my mom.
After his marriage, he was very loyal husband despite all his previous experience as womanizer. Even during the peak of his career, he was still loyal to my mom despite all the temptations usually happen to the people on top.
He also always told me to be a good family man, and to get serious in my relationships. However, during relaxed moments, he would just laughed and commented "an apple never fall far from the tree" if I share my experience. Sometimes mom too, would laugh and say to him, "see? He (while pointing at me) is just like you when you were young!"
My dad was also the founder of
Wanadri; the oldest (and arguably the most famous) mountaineer and jungle explorer association in Indonesia. He was a Boy Scout when he was young, and a persistent admirer of
Lord Baden Powell of Gilwell. When
Pandu Indonesia (The Indonesian Scouting Movement) was dismissed and changed into a more government-oriented organization, my dad founded
Wanadri, not only to fulfill the hobby of mountaineering and jungle exploring, but to uphold the ideals to help people and always be good to others regardless of race, political views, and religion; placing humanism above all differences.
And even until today,
Wanadri is perhaps the most secular-humanist, pluralistic organization in this country.
My dad was also a social conservative, although NOT a religious conservative. His 'conservatism' is based on his own secular family values (and 'masculine' values) instead of religion. He strongly believed that it was a man's job to provide the bread for the family, but he also loved intelligent working woman like my mom. He strongly believed that a man should be able to defend himself and his family, and he was also a gun-supporter (before gun possession was banned in Indonesia in late 1970s; otherwise he probably would have taught me and my brother to use guns), but he always believed in protecting the weak. He also watched a lot of old western movies during his youth, and he was a strong believer that "the good guys in white hats should always win".
Before the ban of firearm posession, my dad also had a chance to try out several military-grade small arms that would make even The Shep feels jealous! He also loved hunting, and posessed one expensive hunting rifle before it was confiscated by the government.
My mom is also something to be proud of; she is without doubt a stereotype-breaker. When the girls of her age were busy with cosmetics and miniskirts and the likes (it was during the 60's when miniskirts were popular), my mom was busy studying hard to compete with men in a male-dominated university. Her dad was a teacher, and she always wanted to be a university lecturer, because she always wants to teach like my grandpa did. She always loves to teach and she is still actively lecturing now in her 60s.
When she married dad, few people actually expected it, because they thought a macho, He-Man like my dad should have married a stereotypical Barbie Girl! Nevertheless, they marriage stays and keeps staying despite the frequent fight when I was a kid. Both my mom and my (now late) dad are strong characters and strong-headed.
Unlike my dad (who was highly secular), however, my mom is always a religious person. However, she
never believes in things like bombing
jihad or the enforcement of
Sharia. She always says that the true
jihad is actually being a good person. According to her, a family man who's working hard for his family, for example, is doing a
jihad. A government official who stay honest and stay away from corruption is also doing a
jihad, and so is a honest businessman, a good teacher, a pair of good parents, and so on.
And if there's a thing I owe so much to both of my parents, is that they always raised me with "western" values. Most Indonesians may say that I've been too "westernized", but I strongly believe that everyone is free to choose whatever culture and values that suits her/him regardless of their race or ethnicity, and
no particular set of values should exclusively belong to a particular race.
I am proud that my parents raised me in such way. They always told us (me and my brother) to be
rational, to not to be bound by "traditional" values, and to get rid of those racial/ethnic stereotypes. Most Indonesians (particularly in Suharto era) are often trapped in
self-racism; believing that Asian race should always conform to what so-called "oriental" values. Traces of such self-racism and self-imposed stereotypes (thanks to former dictator Suharto
) still can be seen until now. But thanks to my parents, I'm now an Asian man who doesn't fall into such stereotypes. And that's the way I will always be.
