Merry Christmas Everyone!

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Hotfoot
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#1 Merry Christmas Everyone!

Post by Hotfoot »

I'm spreading the cheer my own, glorious way!
[00:30] Hotfoot: sup?
[00:30] GenHavoc: Ah no worries
[00:30] GenHavoc: Nothing really, I was just calling to say Happy Christianized pagan tradition, you damned gentile.
[00:31] GenHavoc: :-)
[00:32] Hotfoot: merry mirthday coffeemaker
[00:32] GenHavoc: coffeemaker
[00:32] GenHavoc: ?
[00:32] Hotfoot: hebrew
[00:33] GenHavoc: I don't... get it...
[00:33] Hotfoot: how did the guy make coffee
[00:33] Hotfoot: he brewed it
[00:33] GenHavoc: Oh... oh god...
[00:33] GenHavoc: BOOOOOOOOO
[00:34] Hotfoot: There is my gift to you
[00:34] GenHavoc: Jesus fucking christ, do you have a goddamn book of these somewhere?
[00:34] GenHavoc: Oh that's just AWFUL
[00:34] Hotfoot: No, maybe I should write one
[00:34] GenHavoc: GOod, write one so that I can burn it.
[00:35] Hotfoot: woo sales!
[00:37] GenHavoc: I hate you so much
[00:37] Hotfoot: Feel the holiday spirit
Spread the love folks. :love:
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Jans
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#2 Re: Merry Christmas Everyone!

Post by Jans »

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Congratulations on surviving another Winter Solstice.
Is there a Santa Claus? - a physicist view wrote:1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).
This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that 'flying reindeer' (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.
We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.
In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.
Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.> In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
"The truth of the world is that it is chaotic. The truth is, that it is not the Jewish banking conspiracy, or the grey aliens, or the twelve-foot reptiloids from another dimension that are in control, the truth is far more frightening; no-one is in control, the world is rudderless." - Alan Moore

1.74×10^172
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Dark Silver
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#3 Re: Merry Christmas Everyone!

Post by Dark Silver »

Happy Holidays everyone....

We're half way out of the dark...
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The Minx
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#4 Re: Merry Christmas Everyone!

Post by The Minx »

Image

Whee! :mrgreen:
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rhoenix
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#5 Re: Merry Christmas Everyone!

Post by rhoenix »

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Merry Kwanzaa, or Bah Humbug - whatever you celebrate, I hope it doesn't suck.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

- William Gibson


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#6 Re: Merry Christmas Everyone!

Post by LadyTevar »

Actually, Santa is going faster than light, thus he stretches time accordingly. The trip we see as 31hrs (more or less) is to him several days.
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Batman
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#7 Re: Merry Christmas Everyone!

Post by Batman »

Not to mention there's a zillion SciFi civilisations that have the technology to fix all those alleged problems (for all we know, Santa's an Asgard) leave alone the possibility of outright magic.
'I wonder how far the barometer sunk.'-'All der way. Trust me on dis.'
'Go ahead. Bake my quiche'.
'Undead or alive, you're coming with me.'
'Detritus?'-'Yessir?'-'Never go to Klatch'.-'Yessir.'
'Many fine old manuscripts in that place, I believe. Without price, I'm told.'-'Yes, sir. Certainly worthless, sir.'-'Is it possible you misunderstood what I just said, Commander?'
'Can't sing, can't dance, can handle a sword a little'
'Run away, and live to run away another day'-The Rincewind principle
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#8 Re: Merry Christmas Everyone!

Post by General Havoc »

The greatest conversation I ever overheard:

I was at Disneyland many years ago, and two little boys, both about six or so, were talking to one another:

Boy 1: "Look, it's Mickey!"
Boy 2: "Nuh-uh, that can't be Mickey!"
Boy 1: "Is too! Look at him!"
Boy 2: "I was at Disneyworld last year, and my dad said he's always there. So how could he be in Disneyworld and Disneyland on the same day! He'd have to be able to fly like a billion miles an hour!"
Boy 1: *Smugly* "Santa does it."
Boy 2: *Thoughtfully* "Oh yeah..."
Gaze upon my works, ye mighty, and despair...

Havoc: "So basically if you side against him, he summons Cthulu."
Hotfoot: "Yes, which is reasonable."
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LadyTevar
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#9 Re: Merry Christmas Everyone!

Post by LadyTevar »

Batman wrote:Not to mention there's a zillion SciFi civilisations that have the technology to fix all those alleged problems (for all we know, Santa's an Asgard) leave alone the possibility of outright magic.
Considering Denmark/Norway children used to leave hay and turnips for Sleipnir, and now do the same for Santa's horse/deer, in exchange for similar presents as Odin used to leave?

Yeah, there's a link. Hell, might even be Odin having a bit of fun. Krumpus could be Loki.
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White Haven
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#10 Re: Merry Christmas Everyone!

Post by White Haven »

Santa is multithreaded.
ImageImageChronological Incontinence: Time warps around the poster. The thread topic winks out of existence and reappears in 1d10 posts.

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