General Havoc complains about the Oscars in realtime

[General Havoc]

Ladies, gentlemen, and other creatures, it's time for...

General Havoc's angry live rant concerning the Oscars

Yes, in my efforts to seem relevant to the kids these days, I shall be posting in real-time my views on the winners and what travesties are being inflicted on the cinema industry. Stay tuned...

Best Supporting Actor:
Who should have won: Tommy Lee Jones. Yes, he was basically playing himself in Lincoln, but hell, it was the best thing he's done in years.
Who actually won: Christoph Waltz. Two for two with Tarantino. He was after all the best thing in the movie, and his death marked the end of my enjoyment of it. I can't complain.

Best Animated Short Film:
Who should have won: Adam and Dog. The best animated thing I saw all year.
Who actually won: Paperman. What? Please. A mid-grade Disney flick at best. The academy just wanted to thank Disney for finally doing what every other studio does. Bah.

Best Animated Feature Film:
Who should have won: Paranorman. A much better film than I expected it to be.
Who actually won: Brave. *Sigh* Of course Pixar can do no wrong. It wasn't an awful movie, but hardly worthy to sit alongside Wall-E and Up.

Best Cinematography:
Who should have won: Life of Pi. Whatever its flaws, Life of Pi was one of the most beautiful films ever made.
Who actually won: Life of Pi. Apparently the Academy agrees.

Best Visual Effects:
Who should have won: The Avengers. The traditional award for best "fun" movie should go to the most fun of them all.
Who actually won: Life of Pi. No, no, no, no, NO. Avengers had some of the best CGI I've ever seen. Ang Lee gets the win for being sufficiently highbrow.

Best Costume Design:
Who should have won: Les Miserables. One of the few things I found no faults with in that film.
Who actually won: Anna Karennena. Unseen by me, I can't really evaluate.

Best Hairstyling/Makeup:
Who should have won: Les Miserables. See above.
Who actually won: Les Miserables. If nothing else, they got the grime right in that flick.

Best Live Action Short Film:
Who should have won: Curfew. The most complete film of the nominees.
Who actually won: Curfew. At long last the Academy does not reward the shallow melodrama.

Best Documentary Short Subject:
Who should have won: No idea. This is one category I saw nothing of.
Who actually won: Inocente. Something to do with inner city art projects. Good for them.

Best Documentary Feature:
Who should have won: Searching for Sugarman. The best documentary I've ever seen, period.
Who actually won: Searching for Sugarman. Damn right! I assumed they'd give it to something more depressing, but I guess they get it right once in a while!

Best Foreign Film:
Who should have won: Les Intouchables. No I DON'T care that it wasn't nominated. Its snub was one of the greatest travesties in Oscar History.
Who actually won: Amour. This movie could have been the second coming of Lawrence of Arabia and I wouldn't care. No movie this award went to would reduce my rage.

Best Sound Mixing:
Who should have won: Les Miserables. What was wrong with this film was not the mixers' faults.
Who actually won: Les Miserables. Not surprising to see a musical win this one.

Best Sound Editing:
Who should have won: Zero Dark Thirty. This movie had a wonderful, restrained soundtrack that worked brilliantly.
Who actually won: A tie? I didn't even know that could happen. Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall. Go figure...

Best Supporting Actress:
Who should have won: Sally Field. I've become more and more a fan of hers as she's gotten older. I doubt she'll win, but hey.
Who actually won: Anne Hathaway. She was indeed the best part of that movie, but her role amounts to one song and a cameo. Still, not the worst award ever given.

Best Editing:
Who should have won: Argo. An extremely well-edited film, something I don't always notice.
Who actually won: Argo. What else is there to say really. A sign perhaps of who is to win the final event.

Best Art Design:
Who should have won: The Hobbit. Whatever you want to say about the Hobbit, Jackson lost nothing in visual design.
Who actually won: Lincoln. I'm not sure where this came from, but the design of Lincoln was indeed spot-on.

Best Original Score:
Who should have won: Skyfall. I wasn't the biggest fan of Adele's song, but the rest of the score was absolutely spot-on, referencing the new Bond without forgetting the old ones.
Who actually won: Life of Pi. Life of Pi did have an excellent score. Not my choice, but no atrocity.

Best Original Song:
Who should have won: "And Suddenly", from Les Miserables. They got the original composers to come up with a new song for one of the great stage musicals. I know it won't win, but seriously...
Who actually won: "Skyfall", from Skyfall. Of course it did. Skyfall was, in my mind, a fairly middling Bond theme from a singer I've never been overfond of. But the kids like this there Adele girl, so we have to appear "hip and with it".

Best Adapted Screenplay:
Who should have won: Lincoln. I read Team of Rivals not long ago, and it was one of the best historical biographies I've ever encountered.
Who actually won: Argo. A well-written film, certainly, but one that pales in comparison to the richness of Lincoln's script.

Best Original Screenplay:
Who should have won: Flight. The best-written of the various original screenplays we were offered.
Who actually won: Django Unchained. A surprise to me, but not an entirely undeserved one. If Tarantino had not gone insane at the end, it could have been a truly great film. But then if he weren't insane, it wouldn't have been good at all.

Best Director:
Who should have won: Steven Spielberg. Lincoln was Spielberg's best movie in over twenty years. If we're not nominating the Wachowskis, it should be them.
Who actually won: Ang Lee. Um... no. Nonono. Life of Pi was just a plodding mediation on the nature of life. Not badly made, but hardly deserving of the award.

Best Actress:
Who should have won: Quavenzene Wallis. I was not wild about the film, but this was one of the best child performances I've ever seen.
Who actually won: Jennifer Lawrence. Silver Linings Playbook was indeed a very good movie and she was very good in it. Not my choice, but I'll accept it.

Best Actor:
Who should have won: Daniel Day-Lewis. I've hated so many of Lewis' films, but this was unquestionably the best performance he's ever given. The best biopic ever made needs its credit.
Who actually won: Daniel Day-Lewis. It could not have been anyone else. Lewis becomes the first actor to ever win three times for leading roles. Good for him.

Best Picture:
Who should have won: Lincoln. It was not the best movie I saw this year, nor the best Oscar-style movie I saw, but it was still one of the five greatest films I saw, and well-deserving of the award.
Who actually won: Argo. Well of course it was. Argo swept all the earlier awards and was considered the frontrunner. It was also, by the way, a movie about how Hollywood saved the world. Praise the filmmaking industry enough, and you will eventually get your just reward. Well done.