#1 General Havoc complains about the Oscars in realtime
Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:55 pm
Ladies, gentlemen, and other creatures, it's time for...
General Havoc's angry live rant concerning the Oscars
Yes, in my efforts to seem relevant to the kids these days, I shall be posting in real-time my views on the winners and what travesties are being inflicted on the cinema industry. Stay tuned...
Best Supporting Actor:
Who should have won: Tommy Lee Jones. Yes, he was basically playing himself in Lincoln, but hell, it was the best thing he's done in years.
Who actually won: Christoph Waltz. Two for two with Tarantino. He was after all the best thing in the movie, and his death marked the end of my enjoyment of it. I can't complain.
Best Animated Short Film:
Who should have won: Adam and Dog. The best animated thing I saw all year.
Who actually won: Paperman. What? Please. A mid-grade Disney flick at best. The academy just wanted to thank Disney for finally doing what every other studio does. Bah.
Best Animated Feature Film:
Who should have won: Paranorman. A much better film than I expected it to be.
Who actually won: Brave. *Sigh* Of course Pixar can do no wrong. It wasn't an awful movie, but hardly worthy to sit alongside Wall-E and Up.
Best Cinematography:
Who should have won: Life of Pi. Whatever its flaws, Life of Pi was one of the most beautiful films ever made.
Who actually won: Life of Pi. Apparently the Academy agrees.
Best Visual Effects:
Who should have won: The Avengers. The traditional award for best "fun" movie should go to the most fun of them all.
Who actually won: Life of Pi. No, no, no, no, NO. Avengers had some of the best CGI I've ever seen. Ang Lee gets the win for being sufficiently highbrow.
Best Costume Design:
Who should have won: Les Miserables. One of the few things I found no faults with in that film.
Who actually won: Anna Karennena. Unseen by me, I can't really evaluate.
Best Hairstyling/Makeup:
Who should have won: Les Miserables. See above.
Who actually won: Les Miserables. If nothing else, they got the grime right in that flick.
Best Live Action Short Film:
Who should have won: Curfew. The most complete film of the nominees.
Who actually won: Curfew. At long last the Academy does not reward the shallow melodrama.
Best Documentary Short Subject:
Who should have won: No idea. This is one category I saw nothing of.
Who actually won: Inocente. Something to do with inner city art projects. Good for them.
Best Documentary Feature:
Who should have won: Searching for Sugarman. The best documentary I've ever seen, period.
Who actually won: Searching for Sugarman. Damn right! I assumed they'd give it to something more depressing, but I guess they get it right once in a while!
Best Foreign Film:
Who should have won: Les Intouchables. No I DON'T care that it wasn't nominated. Its snub was one of the greatest travesties in Oscar History.
Who actually won: Amour. This movie could have been the second coming of Lawrence of Arabia and I wouldn't care. No movie this award went to would reduce my rage.
Best Sound Mixing:
Who should have won: Les Miserables. What was wrong with this film was not the mixers' faults.
Who actually won: Les Miserables. Not surprising to see a musical win this one.
Best Sound Editing:
Who should have won: Zero Dark Thirty. This movie had a wonderful, restrained soundtrack that worked brilliantly.
Who actually won: A tie? I didn't even know that could happen. Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall. Go figure...
Best Supporting Actress:
Who should have won: Sally Field. I've become more and more a fan of hers as she's gotten older. I doubt she'll win, but hey.
Who actually won: Anne Hathaway. She was indeed the best part of that movie, but her role amounts to one song and a cameo. Still, not the worst award ever given.
Best Editing:
Who should have won: Argo. An extremely well-edited film, something I don't always notice.
Who actually won: Argo. What else is there to say really. A sign perhaps of who is to win the final event.
Best Art Design:
Who should have won: The Hobbit. Whatever you want to say about the Hobbit, Jackson lost nothing in visual design.
Who actually won: Lincoln. I'm not sure where this came from, but the design of Lincoln was indeed spot-on.
Best Original Score:
Who should have won: Skyfall. I wasn't the biggest fan of Adele's song, but the rest of the score was absolutely spot-on, referencing the new Bond without forgetting the old ones.
Who actually won: Life of Pi. Life of Pi did have an excellent score. Not my choice, but no atrocity.
Best Original Song:
Who should have won: "And Suddenly", from Les Miserables. They got the original composers to come up with a new song for one of the great stage musicals. I know it won't win, but seriously...
Who actually won: "Skyfall", from Skyfall. Of course it did. Skyfall was, in my mind, a fairly middling Bond theme from a singer I've never been overfond of. But the kids like this there Adele girl, so we have to appear "hip and with it".
Best Adapted Screenplay:
Who should have won: Lincoln. I read Team of Rivals not long ago, and it was one of the best historical biographies I've ever encountered.
Who actually won: Argo. A well-written film, certainly, but one that pales in comparison to the richness of Lincoln's script.
Best Original Screenplay:
Who should have won: Flight. The best-written of the various original screenplays we were offered.
Who actually won: Django Unchained. A surprise to me, but not an entirely undeserved one. If Tarantino had not gone insane at the end, it could have been a truly great film. But then if he weren't insane, it wouldn't have been good at all.
Best Director:
Who should have won: Steven Spielberg. Lincoln was Spielberg's best movie in over twenty years. If we're not nominating the Wachowskis, it should be them.
Who actually won: Ang Lee. Um... no. Nonono. Life of Pi was just a plodding mediation on the nature of life. Not badly made, but hardly deserving of the award.
Best Actress:
Who should have won: Quavenzene Wallis. I was not wild about the film, but this was one of the best child performances I've ever seen.
Who actually won: Jennifer Lawrence. Silver Linings Playbook was indeed a very good movie and she was very good in it. Not my choice, but I'll accept it.
Best Actor:
Who should have won: Daniel Day-Lewis. I've hated so many of Lewis' films, but this was unquestionably the best performance he's ever given. The best biopic ever made needs its credit.
Who actually won: Daniel Day-Lewis. It could not have been anyone else. Lewis becomes the first actor to ever win three times for leading roles. Good for him.
Best Picture:
Who should have won: Lincoln. It was not the best movie I saw this year, nor the best Oscar-style movie I saw, but it was still one of the five greatest films I saw, and well-deserving of the award.
Who actually won: Argo. Well of course it was. Argo swept all the earlier awards and was considered the frontrunner. It was also, by the way, a movie about how Hollywood saved the world. Praise the filmmaking industry enough, and you will eventually get your just reward. Well done.
General Havoc's angry live rant concerning the Oscars
Yes, in my efforts to seem relevant to the kids these days, I shall be posting in real-time my views on the winners and what travesties are being inflicted on the cinema industry. Stay tuned...
Best Supporting Actor:
Who should have won: Tommy Lee Jones. Yes, he was basically playing himself in Lincoln, but hell, it was the best thing he's done in years.
Who actually won: Christoph Waltz. Two for two with Tarantino. He was after all the best thing in the movie, and his death marked the end of my enjoyment of it. I can't complain.
Best Animated Short Film:
Who should have won: Adam and Dog. The best animated thing I saw all year.
Who actually won: Paperman. What? Please. A mid-grade Disney flick at best. The academy just wanted to thank Disney for finally doing what every other studio does. Bah.
Best Animated Feature Film:
Who should have won: Paranorman. A much better film than I expected it to be.
Who actually won: Brave. *Sigh* Of course Pixar can do no wrong. It wasn't an awful movie, but hardly worthy to sit alongside Wall-E and Up.
Best Cinematography:
Who should have won: Life of Pi. Whatever its flaws, Life of Pi was one of the most beautiful films ever made.
Who actually won: Life of Pi. Apparently the Academy agrees.
Best Visual Effects:
Who should have won: The Avengers. The traditional award for best "fun" movie should go to the most fun of them all.
Who actually won: Life of Pi. No, no, no, no, NO. Avengers had some of the best CGI I've ever seen. Ang Lee gets the win for being sufficiently highbrow.
Best Costume Design:
Who should have won: Les Miserables. One of the few things I found no faults with in that film.
Who actually won: Anna Karennena. Unseen by me, I can't really evaluate.
Best Hairstyling/Makeup:
Who should have won: Les Miserables. See above.
Who actually won: Les Miserables. If nothing else, they got the grime right in that flick.
Best Live Action Short Film:
Who should have won: Curfew. The most complete film of the nominees.
Who actually won: Curfew. At long last the Academy does not reward the shallow melodrama.
Best Documentary Short Subject:
Who should have won: No idea. This is one category I saw nothing of.
Who actually won: Inocente. Something to do with inner city art projects. Good for them.
Best Documentary Feature:
Who should have won: Searching for Sugarman. The best documentary I've ever seen, period.
Who actually won: Searching for Sugarman. Damn right! I assumed they'd give it to something more depressing, but I guess they get it right once in a while!
Best Foreign Film:
Who should have won: Les Intouchables. No I DON'T care that it wasn't nominated. Its snub was one of the greatest travesties in Oscar History.
Who actually won: Amour. This movie could have been the second coming of Lawrence of Arabia and I wouldn't care. No movie this award went to would reduce my rage.
Best Sound Mixing:
Who should have won: Les Miserables. What was wrong with this film was not the mixers' faults.
Who actually won: Les Miserables. Not surprising to see a musical win this one.
Best Sound Editing:
Who should have won: Zero Dark Thirty. This movie had a wonderful, restrained soundtrack that worked brilliantly.
Who actually won: A tie? I didn't even know that could happen. Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall. Go figure...
Best Supporting Actress:
Who should have won: Sally Field. I've become more and more a fan of hers as she's gotten older. I doubt she'll win, but hey.
Who actually won: Anne Hathaway. She was indeed the best part of that movie, but her role amounts to one song and a cameo. Still, not the worst award ever given.
Best Editing:
Who should have won: Argo. An extremely well-edited film, something I don't always notice.
Who actually won: Argo. What else is there to say really. A sign perhaps of who is to win the final event.
Best Art Design:
Who should have won: The Hobbit. Whatever you want to say about the Hobbit, Jackson lost nothing in visual design.
Who actually won: Lincoln. I'm not sure where this came from, but the design of Lincoln was indeed spot-on.
Best Original Score:
Who should have won: Skyfall. I wasn't the biggest fan of Adele's song, but the rest of the score was absolutely spot-on, referencing the new Bond without forgetting the old ones.
Who actually won: Life of Pi. Life of Pi did have an excellent score. Not my choice, but no atrocity.
Best Original Song:
Who should have won: "And Suddenly", from Les Miserables. They got the original composers to come up with a new song for one of the great stage musicals. I know it won't win, but seriously...
Who actually won: "Skyfall", from Skyfall. Of course it did. Skyfall was, in my mind, a fairly middling Bond theme from a singer I've never been overfond of. But the kids like this there Adele girl, so we have to appear "hip and with it".
Best Adapted Screenplay:
Who should have won: Lincoln. I read Team of Rivals not long ago, and it was one of the best historical biographies I've ever encountered.
Who actually won: Argo. A well-written film, certainly, but one that pales in comparison to the richness of Lincoln's script.
Best Original Screenplay:
Who should have won: Flight. The best-written of the various original screenplays we were offered.
Who actually won: Django Unchained. A surprise to me, but not an entirely undeserved one. If Tarantino had not gone insane at the end, it could have been a truly great film. But then if he weren't insane, it wouldn't have been good at all.
Best Director:
Who should have won: Steven Spielberg. Lincoln was Spielberg's best movie in over twenty years. If we're not nominating the Wachowskis, it should be them.
Who actually won: Ang Lee. Um... no. Nonono. Life of Pi was just a plodding mediation on the nature of life. Not badly made, but hardly deserving of the award.
Best Actress:
Who should have won: Quavenzene Wallis. I was not wild about the film, but this was one of the best child performances I've ever seen.
Who actually won: Jennifer Lawrence. Silver Linings Playbook was indeed a very good movie and she was very good in it. Not my choice, but I'll accept it.
Best Actor:
Who should have won: Daniel Day-Lewis. I've hated so many of Lewis' films, but this was unquestionably the best performance he's ever given. The best biopic ever made needs its credit.
Who actually won: Daniel Day-Lewis. It could not have been anyone else. Lewis becomes the first actor to ever win three times for leading roles. Good for him.
Best Picture:
Who should have won: Lincoln. It was not the best movie I saw this year, nor the best Oscar-style movie I saw, but it was still one of the five greatest films I saw, and well-deserving of the award.
Who actually won: Argo. Well of course it was. Argo swept all the earlier awards and was considered the frontrunner. It was also, by the way, a movie about how Hollywood saved the world. Praise the filmmaking industry enough, and you will eventually get your just reward. Well done.