#1 General Havoc complains about the Oscars in real time PART 3
Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 5:57 pm
It is time...
Once more, I come unto you all to argue in favor or against the awards of the year for filmmaking at the 2015 Academy Awards. Let's hear it for...
General Havoc's Oscar Liveblog, VOLUME THREE!!!
Let's do this:
General notes:
(Is it me, or does Lady Gaga look rather like someone just ripped the curtains off the wall, strung them up with christmas lights, gave her a pair of dish gloves, and sent her into the red carpet?)
(Lots of Double-sided tape on display tonight)
(Awful joke about Witherspoon's name)
(How often are you really going to be up there? Ignore the hurry up music! Make them summon the cops!)
("DARKNESS! NO PARENTS!")
(The guy from The Phone Call is out of his mind.)
(The woman from Doc Shorts brings up her son's suicide and the "hurry up" music dies instantly. Nice job.)
(David Oyelowo looks like a Bellhop in that getup. And I do hope we've seen the end of Annie remakes.)
(Tim McGraw stinks up the performance. Extremely sharp. >.<)
("Acting is a noble profession", says the man as he gives Ben a thrill.)
("Two weeks ago, we held the science and technical awards in another theater. But those people are not invited here because they're nerds.")
("Four women, and in accordance with California State Law, Meryl Streep." Niiiiiiice.)
(Oh god, here goes Patricia... Is that why she got the award?)
(The Rock is at the Oscars. My life is complete.)
(I... did not know that Lady Gaga could sing like that.)
Running Score:
Accurate Predictions by the genius-in-residence: 7
Pushes: 12
Criminal Travesties Against Nature and God: 5
Best Supporting Actor:
Who should have won: Edward Norton. Admittedly, I didn't see Whiplash and I love J.K. Simmons. But among the movies I saw, Norton was the biggest surprise of them all.
Who actually won: J.K. Simmons. Whiplash gets it! Figures. Well I love J.K. Simmons, and people whose opinions I respect thought this film was amazing. No complaints.
Best Costume Design:
Who should have won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. Wes Anderson dresses his actors the way he dresses his sets: Perfectly.
Who actually won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. Damn right. Wes Anderson never managed anything this amazing before, and that's saying quite a bit.
Best Hairstyling/Makeup:
Who should have won: Guardians of the Galaxy. Two of the main cast were painted different colors and one was a racoon. And even besides that, this much Groot-Grow needs to be rewarded.
Who actually won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. I can't complain overmuch here given the previous win. And Anderson's film did deserve recognition in this category.
Best Foreign Language Film:
Who should have won: Not a clue. That said, ever since Intouchables was not even nominated in 2012, I've become highly suspicious of this category.
Who actually won: Ida. From Poland. Never heard of it. I really like the guy's acceptance speech though.
Best Short Film:
Who should have won: The Phone Call. Best of a weak field, this year.
Who actually won: The Phone Call! AHA! Oscars get it right for once! I was terrified they were going to pick that Israeli snore-fest.
Best Documentary Short Subject:
Who should have won: No idea. I didn't catch the docs this year, let alone the short ones.
Who actually won: Crisis Hotline, Veterans Press 1. Something tells me we have a theme going on here...
Best Sound Mixing:
Who should have won: Birdman. The weird, jazz-atonal sounds of this film actually worked, which is a minor miracle in and of itself.
Who actually won: Whiplash. Figures a film about music would win this. Didn't see it. No objection.
Best Sound Editing:
Who should have won: Birdman. See above. Frankly, anyone but Interstellar would do for this one.
Who actually won: American Sniper. NO. I saw this thing at last, and its sound was awful. Gunshots sounded like people making mouth-noises on a mike. Terrible, terrible pick.
Best Supporting Actress:
Who should have won: Kiera Knightly. Tough one, I admit, but I'll give the nod to Knightly for making an actual character out of what I assumed would be a token role.
Who actually won: Patricia Arquette. You know, I just didn't think she was that good in this movie, not at all. I don't get it, but I suspect this is a precursor for what's to come for Boyhood.
Best Visual Effects:
Who should have won: Guardians of the Galaxy. The traditional award for "Best movie that was actually fun to watch" should go to a movie that was actually fun.
Who actually won: Interstellar. ADAMANTIUM RAAAAAAAAAGE! NONONONONONONONONONONO, How the fuck did you mess this up. ANY OTHER FILM WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER SELECTION YOU DUMBASSES!!!
Best Animated Short:
Who should have won: Feast. Disney does it again, those rotten assholes.
Who actually won: Feast. Never bet against Disney. At least the academy got this much right.
Best Animated Feature:
Who should have won: The Lego Movie. No I don't care that it wasn't nominated. This non-selection was a travesty that should be punished with riots and torch-wielding mobs.
Who actually won: Big Hero 6. ... yeah... okay... fine. I can't complain about this. STILL SHOULD HAVE BEEN LEGO MOVIE. But... yeah.
Best Production Design:
Who should have won: Interstellar. The one thing that wasn't wrong with this film.
Who actually won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. I have no objections. Interstellar has won enough.
Best Cinematography:
Who should have won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. It's a real close tossup in my mind between this and Birdman, but I'll give a slight edge to Anderson's finest cinematographic work.
Who actually won: Birdman. I'm claiming this one! It's a worthy award given for one of the most originally-shot films all year.
Best Editing:
Who should have won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. It really ought to be Birdman here, but I'll take what the nominators gave me.
Who actually won: Whiplash. This thing's cleaning up. I may have to go see it.
Best Documentary Feature:
Who should have won: Yet again, no idea. I usually catch a doc or two throughout the year, but just didn't manage to get to one this time.
Who actually won: Citizen Four. Oh goody. More publicity for Edward Snowden. The man who flees in the desperate hope that someone will pursue.
Best Original Song:
Who should have won: Everything is Awesome. Earwormy to the extreme and a whole hell of a lot of fun. If I can't honor Lego Movie anywhere else, I will have it honored here.
Who actually won: Glory. ... yeah alright. This song grew on me, I have to admit. And I remain a sucker for Electro-Gospel. Plus Common gave a pretty damn good speech.
Best Original Score:
Who should have won: Interstellar. I actually really liked Hans Zimmer's work on this one.
Who actually won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. I'm not gonna object to this one. Interstellar, as I mentioned, has won enough for my taste. And I did love the soundtrack here.
Best Original Screenplay:
Who should have won: Birdman. One of the most original concepts I saw last year, more than deserving.
Who actually won: Birdman. Excellent! What a script this was, with such wit and inventiveness!
Best Adapted Screenplay:
Who should have won: Anything but The Imitation Game: A simplistic script that falls apart under the most minute scrutiny. I didn't see the others, so give it to one of them.
Who actually won: The Imitation Game. Goddammit, people. YOU HAD ONE JOB. This script collapses when you think about it for five minutes.
Best Director:
Who should have won: Alejandro González Iñárritu. Wouldn't be stunned to see Anderson pull this off, but I've gotta give credit where it's due.
Who actually won: Alejandro González Iñárritu. Excellent work! I thought he deserved it head and shoulders above all others except maybe Anderson. And apparently he wore Michael Keaton's lucky underwear. Thanks for sharing.
Best Actor:
Who should have won: Michael Keaton. Close call between him and Cumberbatch, but Keaton's return to prominence should be rewarded, given the result.
Who actually won: Eddie Redmayne. Whoa... where did that come from? I didn't think he stood a prayer. I didn't see this one, so I can't really complain though.
Best Actress:
Who should have won: Rosamund Pike. I may have hated the movie, but Pike was on a completely different level for this one.
Who actually won: Julianne Moore. Er... no. I mean I didn't see the movie, so I can't really speculate. But no. I've never thought Julianne Moore that good of an actress. I won't call this a terrible choice sight-unseen, but... no.
Best Picture:
Who should have won: Birdman. I know I gave Grand Budapest a higher score, but looking back, I was more impressed by Birdman than by any other film. My vote goes to the return of Michael Keaton.
Who actually won: Birdman! And in the end, the Academy gets it right. Birman was, in retrospect, the best movie of the ones nominated. Well done, voters. You got it right.
Once more, I come unto you all to argue in favor or against the awards of the year for filmmaking at the 2015 Academy Awards. Let's hear it for...
General Havoc's Oscar Liveblog, VOLUME THREE!!!
Let's do this:
General notes:
(Is it me, or does Lady Gaga look rather like someone just ripped the curtains off the wall, strung them up with christmas lights, gave her a pair of dish gloves, and sent her into the red carpet?)
(Lots of Double-sided tape on display tonight)
(Awful joke about Witherspoon's name)
(How often are you really going to be up there? Ignore the hurry up music! Make them summon the cops!)
("DARKNESS! NO PARENTS!")
(The guy from The Phone Call is out of his mind.)
(The woman from Doc Shorts brings up her son's suicide and the "hurry up" music dies instantly. Nice job.)
(David Oyelowo looks like a Bellhop in that getup. And I do hope we've seen the end of Annie remakes.)
(Tim McGraw stinks up the performance. Extremely sharp. >.<)
("Acting is a noble profession", says the man as he gives Ben a thrill.)
("Two weeks ago, we held the science and technical awards in another theater. But those people are not invited here because they're nerds.")
("Four women, and in accordance with California State Law, Meryl Streep." Niiiiiiice.)
(Oh god, here goes Patricia... Is that why she got the award?)
(The Rock is at the Oscars. My life is complete.)
(I... did not know that Lady Gaga could sing like that.)
Running Score:
Accurate Predictions by the genius-in-residence: 7
Pushes: 12
Criminal Travesties Against Nature and God: 5
Best Supporting Actor:
Who should have won: Edward Norton. Admittedly, I didn't see Whiplash and I love J.K. Simmons. But among the movies I saw, Norton was the biggest surprise of them all.
Who actually won: J.K. Simmons. Whiplash gets it! Figures. Well I love J.K. Simmons, and people whose opinions I respect thought this film was amazing. No complaints.
Best Costume Design:
Who should have won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. Wes Anderson dresses his actors the way he dresses his sets: Perfectly.
Who actually won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. Damn right. Wes Anderson never managed anything this amazing before, and that's saying quite a bit.
Best Hairstyling/Makeup:
Who should have won: Guardians of the Galaxy. Two of the main cast were painted different colors and one was a racoon. And even besides that, this much Groot-Grow needs to be rewarded.
Who actually won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. I can't complain overmuch here given the previous win. And Anderson's film did deserve recognition in this category.
Best Foreign Language Film:
Who should have won: Not a clue. That said, ever since Intouchables was not even nominated in 2012, I've become highly suspicious of this category.
Who actually won: Ida. From Poland. Never heard of it. I really like the guy's acceptance speech though.
Best Short Film:
Who should have won: The Phone Call. Best of a weak field, this year.
Who actually won: The Phone Call! AHA! Oscars get it right for once! I was terrified they were going to pick that Israeli snore-fest.
Best Documentary Short Subject:
Who should have won: No idea. I didn't catch the docs this year, let alone the short ones.
Who actually won: Crisis Hotline, Veterans Press 1. Something tells me we have a theme going on here...
Best Sound Mixing:
Who should have won: Birdman. The weird, jazz-atonal sounds of this film actually worked, which is a minor miracle in and of itself.
Who actually won: Whiplash. Figures a film about music would win this. Didn't see it. No objection.
Best Sound Editing:
Who should have won: Birdman. See above. Frankly, anyone but Interstellar would do for this one.
Who actually won: American Sniper. NO. I saw this thing at last, and its sound was awful. Gunshots sounded like people making mouth-noises on a mike. Terrible, terrible pick.
Best Supporting Actress:
Who should have won: Kiera Knightly. Tough one, I admit, but I'll give the nod to Knightly for making an actual character out of what I assumed would be a token role.
Who actually won: Patricia Arquette. You know, I just didn't think she was that good in this movie, not at all. I don't get it, but I suspect this is a precursor for what's to come for Boyhood.
Best Visual Effects:
Who should have won: Guardians of the Galaxy. The traditional award for "Best movie that was actually fun to watch" should go to a movie that was actually fun.
Who actually won: Interstellar. ADAMANTIUM RAAAAAAAAAGE! NONONONONONONONONONONO, How the fuck did you mess this up. ANY OTHER FILM WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER SELECTION YOU DUMBASSES!!!
Best Animated Short:
Who should have won: Feast. Disney does it again, those rotten assholes.
Who actually won: Feast. Never bet against Disney. At least the academy got this much right.
Best Animated Feature:
Who should have won: The Lego Movie. No I don't care that it wasn't nominated. This non-selection was a travesty that should be punished with riots and torch-wielding mobs.
Who actually won: Big Hero 6. ... yeah... okay... fine. I can't complain about this. STILL SHOULD HAVE BEEN LEGO MOVIE. But... yeah.
Best Production Design:
Who should have won: Interstellar. The one thing that wasn't wrong with this film.
Who actually won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. I have no objections. Interstellar has won enough.
Best Cinematography:
Who should have won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. It's a real close tossup in my mind between this and Birdman, but I'll give a slight edge to Anderson's finest cinematographic work.
Who actually won: Birdman. I'm claiming this one! It's a worthy award given for one of the most originally-shot films all year.
Best Editing:
Who should have won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. It really ought to be Birdman here, but I'll take what the nominators gave me.
Who actually won: Whiplash. This thing's cleaning up. I may have to go see it.
Best Documentary Feature:
Who should have won: Yet again, no idea. I usually catch a doc or two throughout the year, but just didn't manage to get to one this time.
Who actually won: Citizen Four. Oh goody. More publicity for Edward Snowden. The man who flees in the desperate hope that someone will pursue.
Best Original Song:
Who should have won: Everything is Awesome. Earwormy to the extreme and a whole hell of a lot of fun. If I can't honor Lego Movie anywhere else, I will have it honored here.
Who actually won: Glory. ... yeah alright. This song grew on me, I have to admit. And I remain a sucker for Electro-Gospel. Plus Common gave a pretty damn good speech.
Best Original Score:
Who should have won: Interstellar. I actually really liked Hans Zimmer's work on this one.
Who actually won: The Grand Budapest Hotel. I'm not gonna object to this one. Interstellar, as I mentioned, has won enough for my taste. And I did love the soundtrack here.
Best Original Screenplay:
Who should have won: Birdman. One of the most original concepts I saw last year, more than deserving.
Who actually won: Birdman. Excellent! What a script this was, with such wit and inventiveness!
Best Adapted Screenplay:
Who should have won: Anything but The Imitation Game: A simplistic script that falls apart under the most minute scrutiny. I didn't see the others, so give it to one of them.
Who actually won: The Imitation Game. Goddammit, people. YOU HAD ONE JOB. This script collapses when you think about it for five minutes.
Best Director:
Who should have won: Alejandro González Iñárritu. Wouldn't be stunned to see Anderson pull this off, but I've gotta give credit where it's due.
Who actually won: Alejandro González Iñárritu. Excellent work! I thought he deserved it head and shoulders above all others except maybe Anderson. And apparently he wore Michael Keaton's lucky underwear. Thanks for sharing.
Best Actor:
Who should have won: Michael Keaton. Close call between him and Cumberbatch, but Keaton's return to prominence should be rewarded, given the result.
Who actually won: Eddie Redmayne. Whoa... where did that come from? I didn't think he stood a prayer. I didn't see this one, so I can't really complain though.
Best Actress:
Who should have won: Rosamund Pike. I may have hated the movie, but Pike was on a completely different level for this one.
Who actually won: Julianne Moore. Er... no. I mean I didn't see the movie, so I can't really speculate. But no. I've never thought Julianne Moore that good of an actress. I won't call this a terrible choice sight-unseen, but... no.
Best Picture:
Who should have won: Birdman. I know I gave Grand Budapest a higher score, but looking back, I was more impressed by Birdman than by any other film. My vote goes to the return of Michael Keaton.
Who actually won: Birdman! And in the end, the Academy gets it right. Birman was, in retrospect, the best movie of the ones nominated. Well done, voters. You got it right.
