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#1 Memo to EMS personell

Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 7:07 am
by The Village Idiot
This was an actual memo sent to all personell in the ER department I work in. Man we got some creative people here.

Note: Any medical terminalogy you wish to have clarified please don't hesitate to ask.

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

2) Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to shit), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

7) The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."

8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.

#2

Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 9:32 am
by Scottish Ninja
5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."
Sue them for not allowing you to be politically correct.

#3 Re: Memo to EMS personell

Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 1:31 pm
by Shark Bait
The Village Idiot wrote: 4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).
HAHA oh man I laughed so hard I had tears running down the side of my face. But, I have to ask can you still use the term AGA (Acute Gravity attack: patient fell over)?

#4 Re: Memo to EMS personell

Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 8:34 pm
by The Village Idiot
Shark Bait wrote:
The Village Idiot wrote: 4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).
HAHA oh man I laughed so hard I had tears running down the side of my face. But, I have to ask can you still use the term AGA (Acute Gravity attack: patient fell over)?
Yes...because it is a descripter of an event, not a patient diagnosis.

We also get to keep the Silver Braclet Award(Pt brought in, or taken out in handcuffs)

#5

Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 10:53 pm
by The Cleric
4 and 7 were my favorite.

#6

Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 6:03 am
by Batman
I love the glow worms and the urban outdoorsmen.

#7

Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 4:15 pm
by LadyTevar
God I need to send this to my brother, the paramedic... *dies*

#8

Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 5:55 pm
by Scottish Ninja
I think I'm going to have to use "trans-occipital implants" in everything I write from now on.