Feedback for Cynical Cat

[frigidmagi]

*sigh* Aristos... It's an entire social class of officers devoted to breeding more officers. God save us all.

[frigidmagi]

I said it would take some solid mojo and man you didn't skimp. Boneharvester has some nifty contacts if he has a big Nethermancer from before the scourge (is she before or after matrixes were developed?). She mentioned that he taught other Nethermancers? Is it possible that he could call some of his students down to bring the fire? Or were these one time circle advancement things?

[Cynical Cat]

I said it would take some solid mojo and man you didn't skimp. Boneharvester has some nifty contacts if he has a big Nethermancer from before the scourge (is she before or after matrixes were developed?).

High circle Nethermancers don't go looking for small fry when they need a Ghost Master. She was big time before matrixes existed, but has learned about them and uses them.

She mentioned that he taught other Nethermancers? Is it possible that he could call some of his students down to bring the fire? Or were these one time circle advancement things?

It's not impossible, but he's playing in the big leagues.

[frigidmagi]

Quick guys we can take him! Swordmasters are weaker against groups then single foes!

-I'm 13 circle-

Fuuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkk...

Poor bastards didn't stand a chance.

[Lys]

I like this Farantine the Blade Wind, in fact I like him so much that I'm already fantasizing about the day Stormbreaker's powerful enough to match her Wrath and Might against his Murder and Mayhem. She's Circle 1, he's Circle 13, that's a fine wait but it will be well worth it. That's the highest praise I can presently give a Swordmaster character, I want to cross blades with him for no other reason than because he's there. Congratulations, you've managed it with a few lines of dialogue and some action.

Just need to make a note that Stormbreaker should acquire a windbreaker before facing the Blade Wind.

[Cynical Cat]

Thank you. That is high praise indeed.

And Earthdawn has excellent foul weather gear that will also protect against blood splatter.

[frigidmagi]

Nice... That fight was brutal and quick and good example of why you don't pick fights outside your weight class. I also like the name of the axe. The look on Farantine's face is one firmly etched into my imagination. I am earge for the continuation.

[LadyTevar]

I can't wait to see the next chapter either. What magic took over to change her skin that way?

[Cynical Cat]

I can't wait to see the next chapter either. What magic took over to change her skin that way?

Warrior magic. Very high Circle Warrior magic. The exact talent is called Stone Skin.

[LadyTevar]

So this will be two High Circle Warriors in a duel to the death. *shivers* I can't wait to read it.

[Cynical Cat]

So this will be two High Circle Warriors in a duel to the death. *shivers* I can't wait to read it.

A high Circle Warrior and a high Circle Swordmaster. Not the same thing.

[frigidmagi]

That was a good fight and it really felt like it could have gone either way. I feel damn bad for the 6 guys who were reduced to dog food, they were just trying to do the right thing. I also don't blame the city guard at all. I showed to a spot where I found out 2 versions of Superman were duking it out and all I had was a squad of riflemen? Yeah fuck this noise. I'll evac the civies and pull out the wounded but they don't ever pay you enough to stick your dick in a blender. Trust me, they never pay you enough.

[Lys]

I love how Farantine keeps up a running commentary on his fights, but nobody else says anything at all, even the other Swordmaster. It really feels like an actual trait of Farantine's, and not the writer using his characters to address the audience. That in turn conveys just how relaxed and confident the man is throughout the entire fight, right up until Melora lands a solid hit on him, then the cursing starts. It's a problem all Swordmasters have, their social prowess comes at the cost of staying power in combat, whereas even an unarmoured Warrior is a tank that takes some killing. Pretty good fight overall, especially fun with the weapons having names, it almost makes them characters in their own right, thrusting and cutting and cleaving. I wonder, was Farantine using Graceful Exit there at the end? It's one of my favourite talents in the game; I just love the imagery of being able to walk away from any losing fight.

[Cynical Cat]

There's a number of ways of revealing information to the reader and while the dreaded infodump is to be avoided, doing so by conversation is tricky. The words have to fit the character and that means establishing the character before having them exposite at length over x. Otherwise they sound like the writer's talking muppet and I don't mean Grover. Farantine is chatty and runs his mouth, but he usually gets what he wants. He likes Melora, likes her enough that if he can get what he wants without killing her, he'll take it. She's also the only one there in his league and thus the one he's taking a real risk in fighting. He's also not malicious enough to want to rack up the collateral damage, thus the running commentary on how much he's winning the fight and why I use more third person with Melora because she isn't slick talking machine Farantine is.

[LadyTevar]

Ah, Vampires. Sabbat pack, it seems?

[LadyTevar]

Tzimesi Antitribu?

[Cynical Cat]

Tzimesi Antitribu?

Pretty much, but the Tzimisce don't really use the phrase Antitribu because the ones that don't join the Sabbat usually don't join the Camarilla and haven't formed a clan block there.

[LadyTevar]

Good point, the Elder Tzimisce simply want to be left alone. I find this idea of a little family interesting.

[Lys]

Elder Tzmisce who is not a member of the Sabbat, is not an antitribu, generally wants to be left alone, and travels with a family unit consisting of his childer. If not for the fact that they clearly know Viscitude, I'd say they sound like Old Clan Tzimisce.

As I was reading through the text I saw the ammunition of a Colt .45 referred to as a clip and my first reaction was, "It's a magazine, not a clip dammit!" My second reaction was, "Wait, when the fuck did I become crazy gun nut?" Thinking about it, probably around the time I started lusting after the SKS. The SKS and its sexy stripper-clip-loaded fixed magazine~

[Cynical Cat]

Old Clan doesn't wander around much. They mostly brood in moldering castles, telling any visitors how much Vicissitude sucks with the occasional foray out to indulge in the perennial family feud.

Also Matthew doesn't really know guns.

[Lys]

And the hero of our story misses a great chance to point out that the English name for ghouls is rather... ghoulish.

[frigidmagi]

I imagine the swordmaster is running hard and fast right now. It's a good conversation.

[White Haven]

*doubletake*

Oh my. Nalifan. That's more like it! I, uh, may have a soft spot for the magnificent bastard.

[Lys]

A couple of weeks ago CyniCat mentioned Nalifan offhandedly in context of the Earthdawn game. Not knowing what a Nalifan was, I entered the name on Google and Be Careful What You Wish For was the first story I found. It immediately grabbed me and I spent the rest of the evening reading it, so you can imagine my disappointment to find it unfinished. Fortunately the pacing is very good, so I was forwarned from a long way off that there was no way it was done. I brought it up to him later and commented that it was a pity he never did finish it. Apparently it was enough to inspire him to continue.

I expect we're getting to the part where Nalifan breaks the dam and the no river suddenly becomes a raging torrent.

[Cynical Cat]

I do respond to feedback and requests.