Feedback for Cynical Cat

[White Haven]

There's a strong streak of Nal in my current wizard PC, which is somewhat amusing given that he's a hardcore Kelemvorite, and thus really, really not down with necromancy at all. He does, however, have a ruthless streak a mile wide.

[LadyTevar]

I just thought you'd been too busy to get back to Nalifan. Honestly, we need to link Lys to the prior Nalifan stories as well

[frigidmagi]

Well... That fight got ugly quick. Also props to the knight who sucked it up and stabed the King of Tribes horse. Good man there, we're gonna miss his sword later.

[LadyTevar]

If you have to go down, take someone with you. Since the knight knew he couldn't take out the King, he took out the King's mobility. As you said, Frig, good man, smart fighter.

[Lys]

There's something to be said for telegraphing what's going to happen next to the readers, it builds anticipation and creates payoff, which can be very satisfying. In this case I think we all knew that Nalifan was going to blow the dam from the moment the rangers showed up nearby, but in the end that just makes it so much better when he finally does it. The story still maintains unexpected elements, like the anonymous soldier throwing the King of Tribes into the river. I imagine after the battle the high born will be asking the man's unit for his name, so that they might praise and remember him for his heroism. Very well done.

[Cynical Cat]

The order, for those who care:

Since When Does Trouble Knock?

Look What I Found Under A Rock?

With Justice For None Low

The Whirlwind Mid

Marriage & Mayhem

The Face of My Enemy

Be Careful What You Wish

[LadyTevar]

An annonymous soldier, sending the King of All Tribes to meet his Death God. Love it

[frigidmagi]

Nicely done. The Pikemen should be commended at the very least, standing still can sometimes be the hardest thing in the world. Still Nal won this fight because he changed everything he could to favor right down to the battlefield itself. Which is how it should be.

[LadyTevar]

I am just wondering when the Tannari helping the Prince will make his move.

[frigidmagi]

Well that's an interesting opening.

[frigidmagi]

So I'm assuming the Klingons aren't planning on invading?

[LadyTevar]

Invading? Prolly not. Offering a mutually benefitical relationship with the Klingons as protectors/liege lords? More likely.

[frigidmagi]

I like this chapter, Nal proves himself once again to be a cold ruthless son of a bitch. It's a rare man or elf that has the sheer gives no fuck to whistle up Night Hags onto the fight, knowing he's giving up some of his own (on the flip side, Nal really doesn't care about the Northerners much does he?).

As for the bad guys... Motherfucker knows how to pick his shot. Our boys are now gonna be in chaos and the next in line is a bad choice. Nal might want to start thinking about how he can arrange a coup.

As for the Z-god there, I liked the characterization. It was pretty cool.

[frigidmagi]

The discussion was good, and the executor has a good grasp of the situation (one sees why he gets the fancy chair). The military men would likely in private attempt to come up with some kind of plan for fighting because bluntly anyone who serves realizes, it actually doesn't get 2 to fight. They should have some kind of dicussion of how they're gonna handle the massive social and economic disruption that is going to occur from contact with a superior power. If I was in the White House I would bluntly tell the President that if we're not careful, even if they're utterly friendly they could still destroy our culture and society. I like how they got rid of all the cliches right quick but still can't figure out why the Klingons are here.

[Cynical Cat]

The discussion was good, and the executor has a good grasp of the situation (one sees why he gets the fancy chair). The military men would likely in private attempt to come up with some kind of plan for fighting because bluntly anyone who serves realizes, it actually doesn't get 2 to fight. They should have some kind of dicussion of how they're gonna handle the massive social and economic disruption that is going to occur from contact with a superior power. If I was in the White House I would bluntly tell the President that if we're not careful, even if they're utterly friendly they could still destroy our culture and society. I like how they got rid of all the cliches right quick but still can't figure out why the Klingons are here.

All true. The military men have, as you have seen, already been thinking about how to fight the Klingons. Poor bastards. The social and economic impact considerations will come a little later (it's not as immediate) when they start to realize what they're dealing with. We are, after all, talking about a planetary civilization so poor it still has poverty coming into a civilization so prosperous it can support a huge warrior class, a military machine so large it makes use of that warrior class, and provide a high standard of living for all of its citizens.

[frigidmagi]

Does the Klingon empire actually offer a high standard of living for it's average citizen? What I've read in most books suggests that their standard of living is somewhat lower then say the Federation (then again I'd rather live in the Komerex then under the fucking Ferengi)?

[Cynical Cat]

Does the Klingon empire actually offer a high standard of living for it's average citizen? What I've read in most books suggests that their standard of living is somewhat lower then say the Federation (then again I'd rather live in the Komerex then under the fucking Ferengi)?

Probably not as high as the Federation, but there is no sign of poverty in the TNG era Klingon Empire as opposed to say Bajor or Cardassia. You here Klingons bitching about maintaining their honor or finding meaningful challenges in the modern era or that peace and plenty are making people soft, but no one complaining that they can't make a living.

[frigidmagi]

Good points, good points. I'll also concede that you don't need to provide as high as standard of living as the Federation does before you met every need and then some for your people.

[frigidmagi]

Nice, I liked it. I'll read it again and give more details.

[LadyTevar]

Brilliant. Starve the carnivores from both sides.

[LadyTevar]

Never, Ever Piss off a Tiger.

BTW:

The slunk forward as if slipping in between things and the only sound was the grass rustling in the wind.

This is awkward. It needs fixed somehow.


Next, the Klingons are making a great impression. I wonder if it will get to the Religious Nutcase Assassin point or not.

[frigidmagi]

Klingons: Oh good cults. Although honestly with the oncoming rock of death... No longer existing in a coherent form, I would imagine many of these cults will become self solving problems. That is the route a number of doomsday cults today have taken after all. Supressing them frankly is going to be popular as at this point they're likely seen as just fucking annoying. As for the military plan, I can only imagine how awful all the other ones were that this was the one they presented to the head of their government. I think I would rather be left in a room full of weaponized honey badgers rather then give a presentation like that. Much rather be sent out to deal with the cults, religious fanatics are much easier to deal with then this. I like how realistic the head of state is and the fact that he's willing to put on the big boy pants is a plus. He strikes just the right note of fear and hope.

I'm assuming the discussion of "how do we keep our culture and values from dissolving like sugar in water" discussion happened off screen? Maybe I'm being to much of an anthropologist on that one. But it was a drum some of my professors liked to beat, when a more advanced (for lack of a better word) culture comes into close contact with a less advanced one and aren't careful? Drug and booze abuse go up, family structures fall apart, there's mass economic dislocation (and often over specialization, this is one of many reasons why a number of third world nations are mono-economies, focused on exporting a single commodity) and violence increases. Anyways if I'm hitting the note to much I apologize.

I imagine the local anthropologist are torn between mind shattering fear and intense lust/greed, the guys who can be the first to get to the aliens have the best chance of being the founding fathers/mothers of entirely new fields of study. There may be a number of bodies stashed around various university offices as a result of this.

Do the Klingons have an SOP for this? Who are they more worried about showing up? The Ferengi? The Romulans? A 2nd teir power? Is it likely that if they stick around for to long they're attract more attention? The Federation can't really interefere due to their own laws. The Ferengi being lousy capitialist but great robber barons will try for a drive by profit I think. The Romulans on the other hand will be sneaky.

Nail: You got the Tigers down real well, they projected an air of give no fucks (of course when you're a tiger it's easy to give no fucks). I winced when Trizkel called them servants, I don't even a housecat would really stand for that. Naf's wife is a bit... Huh... Eager? Yeah let's go with that. This could become an issue when they find him. I enjoy the beastlands and hope you show us a little more of it, as I've never gotten a character there. Also the tigers that prey on dragons? Was that you or someone else?

[Cynical Cat]

The tigers versus dragons goes back to the Chinese so I can't claim originality there. As for the sociological effects, the locals haven't really had time to think about it yet. They're still trying to grapple with the immediate military political threat and coming to grips with the fact that they're not even a speed bump if the Klingons want to take them. They haven't even come to grips with the fact that Klingons could effortless cause economic devastation by simply trading with them. The anthro-social stuff will start coming to the fore as their society starts to come to grips with the situation. Right now they're mostly at the deer in the headlights stage.

[frigidmagi]

That makes sense. Thank you.

[frigidmagi]

Drunk thoughts: There is a fucking savage motherfucker who knows how to prioritize. You have made the enemy smart and scary to a degree most professional authors do not, you shold be proud of this. Should have stabbed said motherfucker twice. Or done it right the first time. Then again one cannot fault a medieval era soldier for not living up to stabbing standards of a modern era Marine. On the gripping hand, modern era Marines do not deal with magical godfuckery kung fu bullshit, so maybe they should shut up.

Will read again sober.