Author Feedback: Steve

[LadyTevar]

Well well well... he's more of a puppet than he thought, isn't it. Nice touch with how he got those memories back.

[LadyTevar]

K-9?!??!!?

"Affirmative"

[LadyTevar]

Wish is wasn't Clara, as I hated her impossible guts, but you got Matt/Doctor totally down.

[LadyTevar]

So very well done! I loved the two Doctors riffing off each other, and the bit with Eks and Clara discussing their Doctors was sweet.

Also, very nice trick with the two TARDISes... ... uh... TARDI?... hmmm....

[LadyTevar]

Rassilon is a rat-fink bastard. It's a crying shame he can't be killed off.

[LadyTevar]

Honestly? You could end the story right here, with "I regenerated". It's a triumphant end to the full story arc.

Of course, you won't, because all through the story it's been narrated by the Doctor post facto. An epilogue of some kind is needed, where he wraps up the narrative and gets on with his (new) life. But we don't have to see his new life; we know he'll be a madman in a box, bouncing around the multi-verse just like before. Only now, there's no Cracks, no overall Villian. Just the 'little things' -- stopping a Sith with a mega-weapon, or dropping by to help Kal-El with a tricky problem. After all, he IS the Doctor. That's what The Doctor does.

Thanks Steve, for a great story.

[LadyTevar]

*APPLAUDS**

[LadyTevar]

I Fixed your mistake. You had me wondering why there was a new chapter of TPOAN. Try to remember which story you're writing, my friend.

[LadyTevar]

The Darth has made three mistakes so far:
1. Trusting the guy he left in charge.
2. Leaving Kirk alone on the bridge.
3. Going after the Jedi in McCoy's sickbay.

Yes, I fully expect McCoy to have a way to distract or injure the Darth. Most think he's the 'weak link' in the trio, but McCoy is just as smart as Kirk when forming a plan of action and has Spock's patience when it comes to the right time to act. Plus, he's got a whole sickbay of tricks he can pull out that Kirk and Spock can't compete with.

[LadyTevar]

Please tell me that there's more after this?

[Steve]

Please tell me that there's more after this?

Check the story thread.

[frigidmagi]

I caught up, thanks for posting on Christmas Eve. I'm enjoying the war so far, although I get the sense that Dale and friends are sent on diplomatic missions because the government likes him while the admiralty doesn't. Frankly, I think they were to hard on Commander King. It was a legal order from her superior officer and she is bound to follow it. Plus she has made Davis into an enemy with her actions. To be blunt her career might be in the shit now and Rob is frankly acting thoughtlessly there.

Course if it had been me at the beginning, I would have made it clear that the ship is mine, not the Alliance's, if they want it, then they have to take me. Package deal. But I suppose that's an easier deal for a combat veteran in his 30s to push then a bunch of kids in their 20s.

Anyways, psychic nazis are scary nazis as are worms with jedi bodies (it's interesting that the worm is able to access the powers with just control of her body, that frankly does suggest a biological component to whoever can use the force). I'm pretty sure this is going to have bad conquences for our security chief.

Lastly... Can the Delgado sisters grow the fuck up? Angel more then Cat, although at this point... Cat acts more like she's 14 then an adult and part of that is frankly the command staff babying her. If it were me, I'd recommend detaching her to someplace like a science insitutue or something for a year or two. Getting her away from Angel will help her become a self sufficient adult, let her deal with and overcome some problems on her own. Which she sorely needs to do. Frankly Angel is smothering the girl and infantizing her. It's unhealthy.

Angel is quickly becoming my least favorite character because she needs to get over herself. Look I get being frustrated but frankly all she is doing is whining and not trying to figure out how she can make it work. It comes off as very self centered when Dale is literally trying to stave off the fall of civilization and possibly a multi-versal extinction event. Hell, it comes off as self centered and childish when you think all he is doing is trying to be a good Captain and keep from having these weird powers go out of control and maybe kill someone. Given her own abilities, having to learn control is something she should be aware of.

What I would like to see is someone smack Angel across her mouth and make her realize it's time to grow the fuck up (you know who would be good at this? Sheppard! She knows how military families work and how having batshit crazy powers goes!). I mean even Tom is realizing it and Zack is doing it. So it's her damn turn.

That said I am enjoying the story, I always like more O'Neil, although I feel like the baby has introduced some distance between Jackson and his wife. I hope they work through that. A good chunk of that may be Daniel needed to work through his guilt and his feelings about kid specifically. The Air Force actually has some decent head shrinkers for that stuff and when Jack notices I figure he'll make Daniel go.

Keep writing.

[frigidmagi]

That was a good ending but that's going to come back to bite everyone...

[White Haven]

Angel is starting to remind me of Madeline, from Burn Notice Season One. That's not a good thing, but it's fixable, just like Maddy was. The writers realized that a lot of the scenes with her in it were falling flat because the watchers just wanted her off-screen so they could go back to watching characters that had at least some redeeming qualities. A problematic character doesn't work narratively if the audience's reaction boils down to 'fine, then fuck off' whenever the character causes problems. Don't get me wrong, I like that it's not all one happy family, but there's a line to walk.

This may, in my own personal case, be exacerbated by my absolute loathing for guilt-tripping in general. Personal bias, but a common one.

[frigidmagi]

You know actually White Haven makes a good comparison there. I'm not necessarily arguing for Dale and Angel to break up but I have to admit her behaviour made me rather indifferent. Whether or not you break them up those Steve, you do need to get those girls to grow up.

[White Haven]

If you don't want to drop a dramabomb into your narrative, I'd lean towards 'grow up,' simply due to the amount of complications a breakup would trigger. Put simply, you have enough moving parts as it is without having to drop a hand grenade into the works in the form of what would inevitably be a fairly unpleasant 'look, just fuck off' breakup in the middle of a group of longtime friends, never even mind the naval side of things. It can't come from Dale's side of things, either; if Angel were going to shape up from that input, she would have done so by now.

[Steve]

Let's just say that by the end of this season both of the sisters will have gone through changes.

2-06 is in fact setting up what is arguably Caterina's first step into becoming emotionally independent of her sister.

[frigidmagi]

Poor Parker, she fucked it up all for nothing. All Well, brought it on herself really. I can't figure out who Deanna is suppose to remind me of, you said something about her being from a universe that Shroom made.

[Steve]

Denna is from the Sovereign of the Stars universe, which was inspired by stuff we did in the SDNW4 STGOD back in 2010-2011.

Shroom made a faction called the Ministry of Fate that was based on the "Dark-ESPers" factions that would pop up in that setting, such as Force Lord's Sith-like forces that were the power behind his totalitarian telepath-dominated state, or the one that Denna was inspired from: the Ladies of the Ebon Blade. Basically metaphysically-powered torturer-assassins, in turn inspired by the Mord'Sith from the TV series "Legend of the Seeker".

Denna was one such operative of said Ministry, or rather one of said Ministry's branches, who went rogue to do whatever she wanted.

[Steve]

You know what? Fuck it. Fuck my distractions, fuck my inability to focus. I'm going to light a fire under my own ass.

I've spent the last ten weeks trying to write these episodes. I should be on fucking 2-15 by now, or at least finishing 2-14. But no. Distractions, sleepiness, it's all messed up my productivity, my pace. I'm still 60% or so through 2-12. This is un-fucking-cceptable. And yeah, that even accounts for that time I spent playing Mass Effect: Andromeda. And for the episodes all breaching 30k words again because fuck these stories are getting huge.

And then I recall how I did the last three episodes, finishing them on the weekends of their actual proper release because dammit, i was going to finish them on time. So you know what? Fuck it, that's what I'm going to push for again. Starting the first Friday of June, the second season is being released, even if I write the last five of them on their actual weekends of release because of this damned problem.


So here's the release schedule for the last half of Season 2, starting June 2nd!

2-10 "The Path Before Us" - June 2nd
Robert, Lucy, and Meridina each face new challenges with the changes in their lives; the Aurora crew are sent to parley with the Clans of Kerensky to prevent a new outbreak of war.

2-11 "Under Fire" - June 9th
Leo faces tough decisions while working in a field hospital under Nazi attack.

2-12 "Common Ground" - June 16th
The Koenig comes to the assistance of alien wanderers during training exercises with the Citadel races; Robert and his crew attempt to negotiate peace with the Batarian Hegemony.

2-13 "A Tale of Two Sisters" - June 23rd
Angela and Caterina help a group of alien-seeking 21st Century Londoners being stalked by an alien monster.

2-14 "Solarian Nights" - June 30th
The Aurora crew visits the city-moon of Solaris and gets caught in a game of intrigue with an enigmatic billionaire.

2-15 "Blast from the Past" - July 7th
The Aurora crew must protect an Earth seeking Alliance membership from a powerful empire.

2-16 "All That Remains" - July 14th
Robert and Meridina seek out the rebel telepath Lyta Alexander to learn more about the Darglan and their connection to the First Ones.

2-17 "Between Two Fires" - July 21st
The Aurora crew struggle to repair their crippled ship while helping the alien traveler known as the Doctor investigate a mysterious army of ghosts.

2-18 "Choices" - July 28th
Caught in the crossfire between the Daleks and Cybermen, Robert and his friends face decisions that will change their lives forever.

[frigidmagi]

Alright just finished 3-11. It was well done, you managed not to overshadow Sheppard even if you steal half her moments. I would have honestly been happier just having Rob on the team and the Ship on another plot completely but honestly, you did good work on this arc.

Sheppard still feels like a special character, which she should and she still was the big hero of the arc.

Now sending the ship right into combat seems to be begging to get it wrecked. Frankly, if I were in the DoD I would tell Mahan that the damn ship needs to be fixed if he wants it to be anything but a target. Not that Julia can say that, she has to say yes sir and try to get her ship operational.

[frigidmagi]

Finished episode 12, that was a good ending to the war. The combat was well done, although I'm not sure why you put the Dilgar in the Soviet spot. I'm pretty sure the freikorps and the SS are going to be trouble later. I can see those maniacs nuking their own world though. Fucking Nazis.

[Steve]

The Dilgar role was to continue their arc of societal redemption, and it provides the final justification for the crewing of the Huascar in the spinoff "Origins".

I'll confess I do wonder if I should have not had the Aurora do Noveria. I have reasons why I wanted them to be the ones to pick up Liara on Therun. In the end, I've tried to balance out Shepard losing two of her canonical missions by giving her and the Normandy crew their role in 3-12.

Anyway, have fun with 3-13 and beyond, and I'll note that the first Origins episode is meant to come between 3-13 and 3-14.