Hilarious song lyrics

[Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman]

Anyone?

Alright, I'll start with this one.

Weezer - Freak Me Out

City streets at night
Can be so intimidating
I'm not the toughest guy
I gotta keep my eyes open
You came out of nowhere

Man you really freak me out
I'm so afraid of you
And when I lose my cool
I don't know what to do
I know you don't mean no harm
Your just doing your thing
But man you really freak me out

Did I hurt you?
Are you okay?
Can I buy you a drink?
Ohhh what's the world coming to?
You came out of nowhere

Man you really freak me out
I'm so afraid of you
And when I lose my cool
I don't know what to do
I know you don't mean no harm
Your just doing your thing
But man you really freak me out

I'm gonna try to improve my manners (manners)
Everyone, yes everyone, is my frienddd!

City streets at night (city streets at night)
City streets at night (city streets at night)
Til the morning light (til the morning light)
City streets at night (city streets at night)

Man you really freak me out
I'm so afraid of you
And when I lose my cool
I don't know what to do
I know you don't mean no harm
You're just doing your thing
But man you really freak me out..

[Josh]

No funny lyrics thread is complete without that tribute to my love life by Weird Al Yankovic.

You Don't Love Me Anymore

We've been together for so very long
But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?
Seems you don't want me around
The passion is gone and the flame's died down

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
You used to think I was nice
Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist

Oh, why did you disconnect the breaks on my car?
That kind of thing is hard to ignore
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?

You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down that elevator shaft

Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
You set my house on fire
You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers

Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap
You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
You drilled a hole in my head
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all
You never acted this way before
Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

[Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman]

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team

[The Morrigan]

Lyrics may not be wordperfect. Had a little trouble tracking them down.

Still Wasted From The Party Last Night - Liam Lynch
I was on my way to work, when I realised i'm wasted,
still wasted from the party last night,
So I kicked back my seat and I loosened my tie,
i'm wasted (he's wasted),
Still wasted from the party last night,

The guys in the office might criticise me,
for lookin like hell and smellin like a brewery.
but i'm wasted (he's wasted),
Sitting here in traffic, and i'm wasted (he's wasted),
Still wasted from the party last night,

I'm only wearin one shoe, theres no denyin it,
i'm wasted (he's wasted),
Still wasted,
But while I smoke behind my ear,
and realise it was lit,
i'm wasted (he's wasted),
Still wasted from the party last night,

Sitting here in morning traffic,
I could go to work or I could just pass it by,
Cause i'm wasted (he's wasted),
Still wasted from the party last night,

I'm wearin my bedsheets like a cape and a cowboy hat,
(he's wasted)
and naked,
But if I don't go to work how will I pay my tab,
I'm wasted (he's wasted)
Still wasted from the-
I said i'm wasted and party when the somethin thats done-
wait -sted somethin,
Party last night

[The Morrigan]

Engaging in a little necromancy because I couldn't find these lyrics when the thread was originally started:

Everytime - Butterfingers
Everytime I clean me room, I make another mess
Everytime I miss the bus, I am late for a test
Everytime IÂ’m reincarnated, it's in the lowest form
I leave my window open every time there is a storm
Everytime I have a hangover, I have to go to work
Everytime I masturbate dry, it tends to hurt
Everytime I pat a dog, it bites me on the hand
Everytime I talk to aliens, they donÂ’t understand
Everytime I skate, I get another bruise
Everytime I get drunk, I vomit on my shoes
Everytime I scratch, the needle jumps
Everytime I drink milk, it comes out in lumps
Everytime I freestyle, I just talk shit
Everytime I catch the bus, there is no where to sit
Everytime I catch a train, Im hassled for a ticket
Everytime I bat in cricket, 1st ball takes a wicket
Everytime IÂ’m drunk at a party in a toga, I pull a damn hamstring to prove I do yoga
Everytime I eat, I get a pain in my chest
Everytime I thinks itÂ’s heartburn, itÂ’s cardiac arrest
Everytime I make a call, call waiting interrupts
Everytime I dump a load at someoneÂ’s house, it wonÂ’t flush
Everytime it wonÂ’t flush, it stains the ceramic
If you ever see me happy it because IÂ’m manic

ItÂ’s not easy being me
ItÂ’s not easy being me

Everytime I give advice, it comes out wrong
Everytime I get raided, my prints are on the bong
Everytime I score, I get shitty leaf
I was living with a navaho until he heard me diss the chief
Everytime we smoke a joint, I end up with the roach
Everytime I skip sport, I get drilled by the coach
But every time I play footy, I get tackled in the dirt
And I crack another rib and it really fuckin hurts
Everytime I brush my teeth, I find another cavity
Everytime I try to fly, I discover gravity
Everytime I have a craving, I run out of food
Everytime we spin the bottle, IÂ’m the 1 who ends up nude
Everytime I give a girl an orgasm, she fakes
Everytime I jam it in, the condom breaks
Everytime I gamble, I lose all my chips
Everytime I eat "All Bran" I get the shits
But everytime I shit, it takes about an hour
And thereÂ’s never any paper so I have to have a shower
But everytime I shower the towel is already wet
And itÂ’s not wet with water but wet with cum n' sweat
Everytime I pluck my pubic hairs to make myself attractive
My dick gets sore and I fuck like a spastic
Everytime I write a song, radio stations ban it
Cause when you play my records in reverse theyÂ’re satanic
Worship Satan,
Worship Satan,
Worship Satan,
Worship Satan,
Worship Satan,
Worship Satan,
Worship Satan,
Worship Satan

Everytime I make a joke, people take me serious
Everytime I go down on a girl, sheÂ’s on her period
Everytime I drive a car, a cop will pull me over
But I say IÂ’m someone else and that IÂ’m sober
Every blind date turns out to be blind
My looks are all I have and that is why I mind
Everytime I have the dream where IÂ’m at the school dance
Everyone is looking at me cause I donÂ’t have any pants
Everytime we play piggy in the middle, IÂ’m the pig
Everytime we play tiggy, IÂ’m the 1 whoÂ’s it
Everytime I lick toad, I get warts on my tongue
Everytime I see a killer bee, ItÂ’s when i'm gettin stung
Everytime I play scrabble, I make the word “At"
Every wet fart, leaves a stain where I sat
Everytime I fuck your mum, she wants it in the bum
And everytime IÂ’m done, itÂ’s not because IÂ’ve come
Everytime I crack onto a chick, I pull my sack out
Everytime I try to suck my dick, I put my back out
Everytime I catch a wave, I hit a coral reef
And everytime I order vegetarian, I get beef

I Get Beef
ChickenÂ’s not a vegetable
I Get Beef
ChickenÂ’s not a vegetable

[Josh]

The Night Santa Went Crazy

Weird Al Yankovic
----------------------------------
Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doin' time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Clause, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights

They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped

Wo, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he's gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain

==============
And, the extra gory version's sightly different ending.

Yes, Virginia, now Santa Claus is dead
Some guy from the SWAT team blew a hole through his head
Yes, little friend, now that's his brains on the floor
Guess you won't have the fat guy to kick around anymore
Well now there's no more presents for the children's enjoyment
And the elves gotta stand in line to file for unemployment
And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights

[The Morrigan]

I suppose the fact that I find this song hilarious says a lot about the sort of sense of humour I have, but anyway...

Accountancy Shanty - Monty Python

LEAD PIRATE:
Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen!

CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium. Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE:
Scribble away!
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE:
And balance the books.
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE:
Scribble away!
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE:
But manage the books.
CHORUS:
Up, up, up.



PIRATES:
It's fun to charter an accountant
And sail the wide accountancy,
To find, explore the funds offshore
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy!

It can be manly in insurance.
We'll up your premium semi-annually.
It's all tax deductible.
We're fairly incorruptible,
We're sailing on the wide accountancy!

LEAD PIRATE:
Oh, this is fun, Mr. Cohen!
PIRATE:
Sail away!...
CHORUS:
Up, up, up...
LEAD PIRATE:
Fetch me another exotic salute. To port! Bring her port to shell out! And the medium guys shell out to port! Balance the books! Bring me another small shellfish, Mr. Cohen...

Edit: I don't think these lyrics are quite spot on but I have yet to track down more accurate ones.

[Gandalf]

Everytime - Butterfingers

*snip*

I've been looking for the name of that song for bloody ages. Thanks! :D

America, Fuck Yeah - Team America

America...
America...
America, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
America, FUCK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, FUCK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow

FUCK YEAH!

McDonalds, FUCK YEAH!
Wal-Mart, FUCK YEAH!
The Gap, FUCK YEAH!
Baseball, FUCK YEAH!
NFL, FUCK, YEAH!
Rock and roll, FUCK YEAH!
The Internet, FUCK YEAH!
Slavery, FUCK YEAH!

FUCK YEAH!

Starbucks, FUCK YEAH!
Disney world, FUCK YEAH!
Porno, FUCK YEAH!
Valium, FUCK YEAH!
Reeboks, FUCK YEAH!
Fake Tits, FUCK YEAH!
Sushi, FUCK YEAH!
Taco Bell, FUCK YEAH!
Rodeos, FUCK YEAH!
Bed bath and beyond (Fuck yeah, Fuck yeah)

Liberty, FUCK YEAH!
White Slips, FUCK YEAH!
The Alamo, FUCK YEAH!
Band-aids, FUCK YEAH!
Las Vegas, FUCK YEAH!
Christmas, FUCK YEAH!
Immigrants, FUCK YEAH!
Popeye, FUCK YEAH!
Democrats, FUCK YEAH!
Republicans (republicans)
(fuck yeah, fuck yeah)
Sportsmanship
Books

[ImpishAngel]

Try This One Out:
Triumph The Insult Comic Dog- "I Keed"
[Intro]
I thought my CD was done,
But that's not what they say
Do an insult track,
We need it for radio play

[Verse One]
American Idol, that's what I look for,
In the poop section of my local record store.
Ruben or Clay, oh which one should I pick,
It's like choosing which puddle of vomit to lick.
And when I want something even more fruity and fit,
I look up N for NSYNC or T for Timberlake.
So many skills Justin's making a buck at,
Does he rap, does he sing, he doesn't know what to suck at!
Now as for the bitches, lets give Britney thanks,
For the face that launched a million preteen skanks.
You were a virgin, that had to be hard,
You had more bones in your mouth than a St. Bernard.

[Chorus]
I Keed, I Keed
He's just making little jokes,
I joke with you,
Little dog, Little jokes,
I Keed, I Keed,
He's just making little jokes,
and your a good actress too.

[Verse Two]
Now lets go to Walmart,
Where they won't sell me CD,
Those company's nuts are in a jar in aisle three.
But you can see Christina in all her sluthood
It's like watching porn but the music's not as good.
I want to stuff my TV's crotch with a dollar
Still I would hump you if I could wear my flea collar.
You're looser than my poop after eating honeydew,
Only 50 cents can flunk more than you!
And yet you're too old for Fred Durst to desire,
He's checking out the cast of Lizzie McGuire
Soon Fred will try to get Mandy Moore,
To open for him and I don't mean on tour!
You're not the first person for R Kelly
His video's premiere in the LAPD.
I believe they set up an innocent guy.
You know what Kel? I believe I can fly

[Chorus]

Now look how frickin cool those guys from the Strokes are
Their rifts are three times as old as my jokes are
The white stripes guy, is that your wife or your sister
Shouldn't you be playing country music mister.
Hey Coldplay, maybe you should be Coldsore.
Back when you were U2, I liked you so much more.
Somehow your song yellow reminds me of pee
I think that when it's over, it's a big relief to me
Yo Pink, is that your hair or a tattoo?
I didn't know Supercuts had a drive through
Yo Nelly, what the hell kinda name is that?
That's about as gangster as an Easter Bonnet hat.
And Snoop says he clean, well you make the call
The guy's higher than Billy Joel's cholesterol,
Snoop there's only room for one dog putz,
And I can rap, can you lick your own nuts?
Poop Diddy, are you in show business still?
I didn't know wearing a suit was a skill.
J.Lo, J.Lo the giant tail-o
For a doggie's nose, that's the holy grail-o
Shakira's butt's fine, but it won't hold still.
I sniffed Elton John's butt just for all the history.
I sniffed J.Lo's ass and got too touchy feely
She let loose a bomb that was bigger than Chilie.

[Chorus]

Avril Lavinge, punk queen, now there's a kidder,
Go back up north, Celine needs a baby-sitter
Philip Glass, hey tunnel ass, your not immune
Write a song with a fucked up tune
And on the list of pooches, don't leave off MTV,
I scared Eminem, so they gave the hook to me.
Slim Shady, why do you find me scary?
We are just two regular dudes who banged Mariah Carey.
Wipe off that frown, just do without
Hey my mom was a bitch too, but I don't go writing songs about it.

[Chorus]

*Edit - Spelling