For our College attending members....

Post by **Dark Silver** » Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:57 pm

It is that time of the year again, yes, every year in May, Final Exams come forth to rip apart your soul.

But you have no idea how easy you have it....why...back in the days when B4, Petro, Batman and myself attended college, our Final Exams where infinatly harder.

Allow me to give you give you a example.....

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Instructions: Read each question carefully.
Time Limit: One hour. Begin immediately.

HISTORY- Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating expecially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

MEDICINE- You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

PUBLIC SPEAKING- 2,500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

BIOLOGY- Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

MUSIC- Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

PSYCHOLOGY- Based on your knowledge of their words, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

SOCIOLOGY- Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

ENGINEERING- The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

EPISTEMOLOGY- Take a position for or against Truth. Prove the validity of your position.

PHYSICS- Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

PHILOSOPHY- Sketch the development of human thought, estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

EXTRA CREDIT - Define the Universe. Give three examples.

-------

I remember barely surviving my Engineering courses....

-sighs-

Thank Hermes for the Spheres....

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » Sat Apr 29, 2006 4:59 pm

ENGINEERING- The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

Throw fellow classmate to the Tiger, repeat until Tiger is asleep. Why? You bastards didn't include ammo for the rifle.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » Sat Apr 29, 2006 5:21 pm

frigidmagi wrote:
ENGINEERING- The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.
Throw fellow classmate to the Tiger, repeat until Tiger is asleep. Why? You bastards didn't include ammo for the rifle.

And this kind of to-the-point thinking is why I was the Last Man Standing in my engineering courses.

The Cleric · Post by **The Cleric** » Sat Apr 29, 2006 8:40 pm

You guys got extra credit

?!

Brother-Captain Gaius · Sat Apr 29, 2006 8:51 pm

Yeah, I could go for some extra credit right about now.

Destructionator XV · Post by **Destructionator XV** » Sat Apr 29, 2006 8:57 pm

Dark Silver wrote:HISTORY- Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating expecially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

In the beginning, God created the Pope and his Hat.
The Pope was without vehicle, and walking.
God said let there be a Popemobile; and there was a Popemobile.
And God saw the Popemobile, that it was good, and God divided the Pope from the drivers. This divison was the first Bullet Proof Glass.

MEDICINE- You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

*Swallows razor blade, with generous amounts of scotch to wash it down.* *poops onto gauze* *amongst poop was my appendix*

PUBLIC SPEAKING- 2,500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

Jaffa! Cree!
*sound of staff weapons being fired is heard* Rioters stop in fear.

BIOLOGY- Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

Hey baby, let's fuck. 9 months later LIFE!
If this was created 500 million years eariler, it would be dead by now, so no difference done.

MUSIC- Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

I wrote the song heard in World 1, Level 2 or Super Mario Brothers III. My legacy is well known.

PSYCHOLOGY- Based on your knowledge of their words, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

They were stupid, and so are you. That is an example of displacement.

SOCIOLOGY- Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

I would guess you would be out of a job. I suggest we set up a nuclear chain reaction set off by a giant superlaser on the moon, that does not use DET as that would be wankish, that will violently destroy the world. Then we shall see who senses a disturbance in the Force and who is unemployed.

ENGINEERING- The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

I will take my swiss army knife and some duck tape along with the barrel of the rifle. From there, I will take the gum out of my mouth and put it in the barrel, and take the rifle strap, cut it and duck tape it to the handle. Now, I will stuff paper into the barell.

When the tiger comes in, I will blow into the handle, which will ruffle the paper and expand the gum, which will build up pressure in the barrel which will soon be releived, effectivly farting on the tiger, knocking it out.

EPISTEMOLOGY- Take a position for or against Truth. Prove the validity of your position.

Truth is good. Becuase anything else is circular. Or something.

PHYSICS- Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

Matter is composed of 3 fundamental types of particles: quarks, tachyons, and leptons. Quarks combine to form baryons and gambling establisments. Quarks interact with all four fundamental forces: the strong nuclear force, the weak nuclear force, electromagnetism, and Odo. The electron, neutrino and the positron are examples of leptops. When electrons and positrons are combined, they can be applied to build duotronic computers. Neutrino emissions are a sign that the wormhole is about to open. Tachyons are the most imporatant type of matter, they travel faster than light and allow subspace communication to be a reality. If you fire three inverse tachyon beams at a singular point in space at different times, they will open a rift in anti-time, and end the world. This is a viable alternative to the chain reaction proposed in the scocilogy question. Only a wicked smart bald human with the assistance from an omnipotent entity can reverse this effect, so abusing tachyon beams is a bad idea.

Mathematics has made a huge contribution to science. Without mathematics, school would be boring and winning a vs debate on stardestroyer.net would not be possible. Hence, the devlopment of math is the singular driving force in science. Being man made means anything that uses it must also be man made.

Therefore, science is bullshit.

PHILOSOPHY- Sketch the development of human thought, estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

Human thought started with men trying to think new ways to enter a woman's vagina. Throughout the years, it has expaned to include the mouth, then the ear, and lastly, at the pinncale of thought, the ass. Here is my sketch:

8===D ~~ (_*_)

The significance of this is great; if we still thought only of vaginal sex, we would quickly overpopulate the world, hence reaching the biosphere's carrying capacity, and selection pressere would start to direct EVILUTION which, as it's name implys, is evil. Hence, our shift of thought to butt sex saved us all.

Bend over and praise the ass!

Another kind of thought can be found in humpback whales. At first, they were happy to just swim and sing, keeping their vast cognative facilities busy with art, legend and music. A common thought process of some whales was as follows:

There are those who beleive that life here began out there, far across the universe with tribes of whales who might have been the forefathers of the Humpbacks, the Dolphins, and the Killers. That they may have been the arcetics of the great SongNet, or the lost civilizations of the Cetatcions or Ahabltis. Some beleive that there may still be brothers of whale, who even today fight to survive, somewhere out there beyond the heavens....

While they were being hunted to extinction in the 21st century, their thoughts started to change. Here is a transcript of a common thought process in humpbacks:

He tasks me, he tasks me, and I shall have him.
I'll chase him round the moons of nibia and round the antares maelstrom and round perditions flames before I give him up!

Before being hunted down and destroyed by 66 genetically engineered human clones (see above: humans thought only about butt sex so natural reproduction stopped and artifical took over), an elite team of whale scientists were successful in harvesting tachyons and used them to send a distress call to their legendary ancestors.

About 200 years later, while the humpbacks were gone, their distress call was heard and a Grand Probe came from the colonies of Whale to destroy humanity.

They would have had their revenge if not foiled at the last second.

In conclusion, whale thought kills human thought.

EXTRA CREDIT - Define the Universe. Give three examples.

The universe is a spherical region, about 700 metres in diamater, shrinking at about one metre per second. One example would be found right here up my ass, if you would take a look... just get a little closer and you can see it... *FART* hahahahahahah!!!!

Someone grade me!

Post by **Dark Silver** » Sat Apr 29, 2006 9:39 pm

......I think I actually have to give you negative credit on the "extra credit" questions....

though I give you a 110 on the Physics section.

Lindar · Post by **Lindar** » Wed May 03, 2006 4:00 pm

EXTRA CREDIT - Define the Universe. Give three examples.

the universe is undefinable.

example one : sQuee
example 2 : sQu33

example 3 : tequila shots all night.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Wed May 03, 2006 4:25 pm

Okay, who left out the sugar again?

Rukia · Post by **Rukia** » Thu May 04, 2006 8:30 am

Oops...

hehe... squee?

Shark Bait · Post by **Shark Bait** » Fri May 05, 2006 10:51 am

HA finals are finished, I created life, and psycho analized, and estimated the results of the end of the world (using a functionalist perspective).

DesertFly · Post by **DesertFly** » Sat May 06, 2006 2:38 am

There is, of course, but one answer.

Me.

Squidgey · Post by **Squidgey** » Sat May 06, 2006 10:02 am

Destructionator XV
Lead Programmer

Quote:

MUSIC- Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

I wrote the song heard in World 1, Level 2 or Super Mario Brothers III. My legacy is well known.

Is this true? And if so, is there a link somewhere we can listen to it?

Also, all the Star Trek jokes...Oh but that made me roll around for a bit!

Anyways:

ENGINEERING- The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

So, to recap, I have a pen or two, a pencil an eraser and pencil sharpener, assortment of steel measuring devices and all sorts of gun things I have no idea how to use.

Oh and 10 minutes.

Solution is simple.

Walk up to door and using pieces of stationary, pick lock to door assuming door is locked, then walk out the door and leave happy in the knowledge that no bengali Tiger will find much to eat inside and turn on the fools who let the dear fellow into the said classroom.

If Door is unlocked, walk out the door and walk briskly away to somewhere more important, secure in the knowledge that you have comleted the task in flying colours as there was nothing that stated, nor implied in any way, shape or form that you had to assemble the rifle, just a statement that an instruction manual was also in the box. And who said the Tiger was a Carnivore? Perhaps it was a Herbivore, in which case, it would still be disappointed.

Destructionator XV · Post by **Destructionator XV** » Sat May 06, 2006 10:24 am

Squidgey wrote:
I wrote the song heard in World 1, Level 2 or Super Mario Brothers III. My legacy is well known.
Is this true? And if so, is there a link somewhere we can listen to it?

Obviously I lie; I can't write music at all. But it is a good song, and you can find it here from vgmusic.com.

Squidgey · Post by **Squidgey** » Sat May 06, 2006 10:59 am

Destructionator XV wrote:
Squidgey wrote:
I wrote the song heard in World 1, Level 2 or Super Mario Brothers III. My legacy is well known.
Is this true? And if so, is there a link somewhere we can listen to it?
Obviously I lie; I can't write music at all. But it is a good song, and you can find it here from vgmusic.com.

heheheh, I like!

Any other links?

Also, I wasn't sure, cause alot of people can write music and your title does say lead programmer so presumptuous or not, it's all good.

LibriumArcana.Games

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