Quotes of the day from my computer

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Destructionator XV
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#1 Quotes of the day from my computer

Post by Destructionator XV »

Linux and BSD both usually come with a hilarious program called fortune which canm be set to give you a hilarious tidbit whenever you log in. Here are a few I have gotten recently:
There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence
of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally
competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make
some other part of hell comfortably cool. This is obviously impossible.
-- Richard Davisson
The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory,
in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.

But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay: for
whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
-- Matthew 5:37
Ocean, n.:
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for
man -- who has no gills.
LET Jesus be YOUR anchor!

So when Satan rocks your boat, THROW Jesus overboard!
Eleven reasons a cucumber is better than a man:
(1) Cucumbers can stay up all night, and you won't have to
sleep in the wet spot.
(2) Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find
themselves.
(3) You won't find out later that your cucumber (a) is
married, (b) is on penicillin, (c) likes you -- but loves
your brother!
(4) A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
(5) A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are
wet.
(6) Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a
boy".
(7) Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
(8) A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
(9) Cucumbers don't fall asleep on your chest or drool on the
pillow.
(10) Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.
(11) With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you
left it.
What is the difficulty with writing a PDP-8 program to emulate Jerry
Ford?

Figuring out what to do with the other 3K.
There was a young lady named Clair
Who possessed a magnificent pair;
At least so I thought
Till I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and begin losing air.
Adam D. Ruppe
Image Oh my hero, so far away now.....
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#2

Post by Destructionator XV »

Sex is like a bridge game -- If you have a good hand no partner is
needed.
There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
So he built him some chicks
Of silicon chips
And hasn't been heard from since then.
Why marry a virgin? If she wasn't good enough for the rest of them
then she isn't good enough for you.

Code: Select all

/* Haley */

        (Haley's comment.)
Adam D. Ruppe
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#3

Post by Batman »

I think your computer and I would get along :grin:
And isn't this MA&M/Just for Laughs material?
'I wonder how far the barometer sunk.'-'All der way. Trust me on dis.'
'Go ahead. Bake my quiche'.
'Undead or alive, you're coming with me.'
'Detritus?'-'Yessir?'-'Never go to Klatch'.-'Yessir.'
'Many fine old manuscripts in that place, I believe. Without price, I'm told.'-'Yes, sir. Certainly worthless, sir.'-'Is it possible you misunderstood what I just said, Commander?'
'Can't sing, can't dance, can handle a sword a little'
'Run away, and live to run away another day'-The Rincewind principle
'Hello, inner child. I'm the inner babysitter.'
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#4

Post by Destructionator XV »

Batman wrote:I think your computer and I would get along :grin:
And isn't this MA&M/Just for Laughs material?
Oh probably. I posted it as ramdom spam though, eh wtf, I'll move it to JFL.
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#5

Post by Batman »

I didn't mean to backseat mod, it just sort of seemed to belong here.
*3PO voice* PLEASE don't deactivate me*/3PO voice*
'I wonder how far the barometer sunk.'-'All der way. Trust me on dis.'
'Go ahead. Bake my quiche'.
'Undead or alive, you're coming with me.'
'Detritus?'-'Yessir?'-'Never go to Klatch'.-'Yessir.'
'Many fine old manuscripts in that place, I believe. Without price, I'm told.'-'Yes, sir. Certainly worthless, sir.'-'Is it possible you misunderstood what I just said, Commander?'
'Can't sing, can't dance, can handle a sword a little'
'Run away, and live to run away another day'-The Rincewind principle
'Hello, inner child. I'm the inner babysitter.'
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#6

Post by Einhander Sn0m4n »

ROFFLES!! I want a Windows version of this program ASAP!
Batman wrote:I didn't mean to backseat mod, it just sort of seemed to belong here.
*3PO voice* PLEASE don't deactivate me*/3PO voice*
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#7

Post by Destructionator XV »

If I were going to deactivate you, you would currently be staring into the face of a thousand suns as they deficate on your book of beleifs.
Adam D. Ruppe
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#8

Post by Narsil »

Ein wrote:*snip Image of d00m*
That looks like the lovechild of Mike Tyson and Vicky Pollard.

In short; extremely scary. :shock:
Last edited by Narsil on Wed May 10, 2006 3:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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#9

Post by Ace Pace »

I second einy. Adam, you have a new port to code. :grin:
[img=left]http://www.libriumarcana.com/Uploads/Ace/acewip7.jpg[/img]Grand Dolphin Conspiracy
The twin cub, the Cyborg dolphin wolf.

Dorsk 81: this is why I support the separation of Aces eyebrow's, something that ugly should never be joined

Mayabird:You see what this place does to us? It's like how Eskimos have their 16 names for snow. We have to precisely define what shafting we're receiving.

"Do we think Israel would be nuts enough to go back into Lebanon with Olmert still in power and calling the shots? They could hook Sharon up to a heart monitor and interpret the blips and bleeps as "yes" and "no" and do better than that, both strategically and emotionally."
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#10

Post by Batman »

Narsil wrote: In short; extremely scary. :shock:
I rather thought that was sort of the point, actually. :razz:
I do not think correcting Master Destructionator's spelling is a smart move right now, Master Bruce.
Why not? It's not like I have a book of beliefs to begin with.

:wink:
'I wonder how far the barometer sunk.'-'All der way. Trust me on dis.'
'Go ahead. Bake my quiche'.
'Undead or alive, you're coming with me.'
'Detritus?'-'Yessir?'-'Never go to Klatch'.-'Yessir.'
'Many fine old manuscripts in that place, I believe. Without price, I'm told.'-'Yes, sir. Certainly worthless, sir.'-'Is it possible you misunderstood what I just said, Commander?'
'Can't sing, can't dance, can handle a sword a little'
'Run away, and live to run away another day'-The Rincewind principle
'Hello, inner child. I'm the inner babysitter.'
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#11

Post by Narsil »

Batman wrote:
Narsil wrote: In short; extremely scary. :shock:
I rather thought that was sort of the point, actually. :razz:
And for reference as to who Vicky Pollard is;
Image

The (insert rediculously muscled person here)/Vicky Pollard analogy sounds rather appropriate.
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#12

Post by Destructionator XV »

This program simply opens some files and dumps one entry at random to the console. It can probably just be recompiled, and since it is a BSD program, the license lets me do almost whatever I want with it.

Let me grab the source.
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#13

Post by Batman »

I would be considerably surprised if there weren't a Windows equivalent of that out there. The amount of completely pointless Windows software simply defies comprehension.
That being said I still miss Icon Hear It...
'I wonder how far the barometer sunk.'-'All der way. Trust me on dis.'
'Go ahead. Bake my quiche'.
'Undead or alive, you're coming with me.'
'Detritus?'-'Yessir?'-'Never go to Klatch'.-'Yessir.'
'Many fine old manuscripts in that place, I believe. Without price, I'm told.'-'Yes, sir. Certainly worthless, sir.'-'Is it possible you misunderstood what I just said, Commander?'
'Can't sing, can't dance, can handle a sword a little'
'Run away, and live to run away another day'-The Rincewind principle
'Hello, inner child. I'm the inner babysitter.'
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Destructionator XV
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#14

Post by Destructionator XV »

Funny. There is a program called wtf on my computer too. At the prompt, you can type:

wtf is acronym

and it will look it up for you.

Anywho, I just looked at the source and it is 2000 lines of *nix specific code. It will not be easy porting this simple program, so I'm not gonna do it. Try google, maybe someone else already did. It is called BSD fortune.
Adam D. Ruppe
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