Feedback for Sunhawk
Moderator: LadyTevar
#1 Feedback for Sunhawk
Magi finally twisted my arm, so I'm here now as well. Steve has been posting most of my stuff lately, but I didn't see Triple Threat up, so I've posted it now that it is complete.
And yes, I'm a newb when it comes to writing, any and all feedback is really appreciated, even of the 'that SUCKS' variety
And yes, I'm a newb when it comes to writing, any and all feedback is really appreciated, even of the 'that SUCKS' variety
- LadyTevar
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#2
Do more than 10 asterix for a scene shift again, and I will hurt you. It broke the formatting, so I had to go into your post and remove all the extra asterix.
PS: The last scene with them in the maintainence closet got cut off. Might want to either edit it, or remove it for a new thread as you continue the story.
And I highly suggest continuing the story. I'm hooked.
PS: The last scene with them in the maintainence closet got cut off. Might want to either edit it, or remove it for a new thread as you continue the story.
And I highly suggest continuing the story. I'm hooked.
Last edited by LadyTevar on Wed Sep 19, 2007 12:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Dogs are Man's Best Friend
Cats are Man's Adorable Little Serial Killers
#3
It did get cut off, and I was so tired when I posted that I didn't notice! I posted the rest into the reply, and it *looks* like it worked fine.
Sorry about the asterix, when I looked at the preview it looked fine, I editted the rest of the demarqs to 10.
And I'm glad you are enjoying it!
Sorry about the asterix, when I looked at the preview it looked fine, I editted the rest of the demarqs to 10.
And I'm glad you are enjoying it!
- frigidmagi
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#4
I enjoyed the story. It had a good Shadowrunny feel and the characters were fun. I hope to see more of them someday. I also hope to see more of your writings.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
- LadyTevar
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#5
Mr Johnson is always a sneaky bastard, no matter what genre.
I loved it... although you should have had at least one of the other triplets enter the room with 'Anne', just to give Michael and Stephan a shock ;)
I loved it... although you should have had at least one of the other triplets enter the room with 'Anne', just to give Michael and Stephan a shock ;)
Dogs are Man's Best Friend
Cats are Man's Adorable Little Serial Killers
#7
Ed already has a couple more stories in mind for Anne, Annika, and Alicia. :) Plus they may be making an appearance in one of the core TGG fictions rather soon.....
I believe the next one he intends to do will be a prequel to Triple Threat that shows them operating as freelancers, and delve into their origins as well.
I believe the next one he intends to do will be a prequel to Triple Threat that shows them operating as freelancers, and delve into their origins as well.
Last edited by Steve on Sun Sep 23, 2007 11:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Chatniks on the (nonexistant) risks of the Large Hadron Collector:
"The chance of Shep talking his way into the control room for an ICBM is probably higher than that." - Seth
"Come on, who wouldn't trade a few dozen square miles of French countryside for Warp 3.5?" - Marina
"The chance of Shep talking his way into the control room for an ICBM is probably higher than that." - Seth
"Come on, who wouldn't trade a few dozen square miles of French countryside for Warp 3.5?" - Marina
- frigidmagi
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#9
I find this interesting, although I am wondering how the triplets are gonna take on a pirate crew with ship attached. I assume the suffering "ligit" pirates are gonna be allies, as they certainly want this band of madmax bandits gone.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
- frigidmagi
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#10
Sweet Lord in Heaven you gave the mass murdering gang rapist a warship!?!
Do you know what you can do with a warship even a clunky obsolete one?
Do you know what you can do with a warship even a clunky obsolete one?
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
#12
Keep it coming Ed. I'm sure Magi and Tev will appreciate it.
Chatniks on the (nonexistant) risks of the Large Hadron Collector:
"The chance of Shep talking his way into the control room for an ICBM is probably higher than that." - Seth
"Come on, who wouldn't trade a few dozen square miles of French countryside for Warp 3.5?" - Marina
"The chance of Shep talking his way into the control room for an ICBM is probably higher than that." - Seth
"Come on, who wouldn't trade a few dozen square miles of French countryside for Warp 3.5?" - Marina
- frigidmagi
- Dragon Death-Marine General
- Posts: 14757
- Joined: Wed Jun 08, 2005 11:03 am
- 19
- Location: Alone and unafraid
#13
Pretty Humane Shadowrunner community there but it works.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken