Kosovo delegation kills Serbian delegation during talks

[Rogue 9]

Kosovo Delegation Kills Serbian Delegation During Talks
By Julia Gorin
10/8/2007, 12:12 am


A final attempt for a one-sided compromise between Serbs and Albanians on the status of Kosovo ended abruptly Wednesday, the fourth day of face-to-face negotiations in New York, when the Albanian delegation opened fire on the Serbian delegation, killing everyone. The international community condemned the resulting Serbian intransigence, but hailed the meeting as an overall success. "This is more proof that self-determination for Kosovo Albanians is the only rational solution," said American envoy Frank Wisner. President Bush announced that the so-called massacre of the Serbian delegation has made it necessary once again to bomb Serbia and teach those nationalists a lesson.

"The Kosovars are only trying to help the Serbs to arrive at a permanent position," said former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, whose experience includes intimate knowledge of the KLA (UCK) leadership. "It is the only approach they know, it's worked for them in the past, and we must respect that. Remember Munich."

"We should have seen this compromise coming," said Undersecretary of State Nicholas Burns, "The Albanian side has had the courtesy to repeatedly warn us that no further delays for independence would be tolerated, and we should all be relieved that a compromise was reached before the December 10th deadline they gave us. Had we passed it, Albanians would next seek similar compromises with us. So this worked out for everyone."

The State Department, EU parliamentarians, and every newspaper of the world agree that the shooting was justified by a legitimate anger that the Kosovo-Albanian leadership must have felt over the previous delays caused by their propensity to murder every Serbian delegation they met with. EU officials have reprimanded the Serbs for the high rotation level of their diplomatic cadre, while praising the Albanians for their steadfast approach to a final solution for Kosovo. The outcome has proved Clinton-era ambassador Richard Holbrooke wrong when he advised Albanians that it would be easier to get independence if they'd "stop killing Serbs."

Holbrooke conceded as much, saying he is glad to see the end of "this cycle that's been going on for two decades: the Bosnians and Albanians kill Serbs; we bomb those murderous Serb assholes; the Bosnians/Albanians get more power and land and start shooting at American and other international troops so they can get even more power and land, and so on."

Critics of Serb-killing, however, have repeatedly compared Western support of the Greater Albania project to the comedy Groundhog Day, only with bombs, deaths, and destruction. In other words, the multiculturalist community wakes up in the morning, steps on the same rake as yesterday, gets hit in the head, and claims another success before passing out. After twenty years of being stuck in this continuous loop, the cumulative volume of successes has become almost unbearable.

The latest success came last week, when a Bosnian Muslim tried to blow up the American embassy in Austria. That success follows on the heels of our May success, in which four Albanians were about to massacre U.S. soldiers at Ft. Dix had it not been for a racist Circuit City clerk. That success followed a February success in which a Bosnian Muslim in Salt Lake City killed five Americans.

"All sides have given us indications that they wish this process to continue," said European Union mediator Wolfgang Ischinger. "This is a good sign for the future."

On its way out of the meeting, the Albanian delegation asked for Madeleine Albright to come in and clean up the place.

Source

[frigidmagi]

Rogue is there a point you would like to make with this fake news article?

[LadyTevar]

I was wondering if it was the Onion

[Rogue 9]

Rogue is there a point you would like to make with this fake news article?

1.) I like to keep people on their toes.

2.) It's funny, in a kind of twisted way.

3.) There is a point here; the Albanians and Serbs have been killing each other for a long time, from massacres of Serbs carried out under Ottoman rule to the Srebrenica Massacre, and these talks are unlikely to really change anything.

But the main reason I posted it is because there hadn't been a joke article in awhile, and Dark Silver said I could.

[SirNitram]

There are basic standards required for joke articles. They can be simplified into one of two conditions being met.

1) It be funny, or at least, 2) It be ironic.

You fail at humour.