Author Feedback: General Havoc
Moderator: LadyTevar
- LadyTevar
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#1 Author Feedback: General Havoc
So far, the General has some promise. Please post more.
Edit: Ok, let me refine that statement.
You have the characterizations dead on. Post more or the Empress will be Unhappy.
Edit: Ok, let me refine that statement.
You have the characterizations dead on. Post more or the Empress will be Unhappy.
Last edited by LadyTevar on Sun Jul 29, 2007 10:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Dogs are Man's Best Friend
Cats are Man's Adorable Little Serial Killers
- frigidmagi
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#2
I have finally finished what you've posted. It was damn good, continue.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
- frigidmagi
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#4
Finally caught up. You're doing damn well at this.
I like how David isn't the awesome, super cool guy that everyone wants to be or be with. Nor does he have complete and total kickass as a power.
Instead David is fairly inept at this whole thing but able to raise above that.
10pts man.
I like how David isn't the awesome, super cool guy that everyone wants to be or be with. Nor does he have complete and total kickass as a power.
Instead David is fairly inept at this whole thing but able to raise above that.
10pts man.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
- General Havoc
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#5
Wow... thanks guys. I will keep going on this thing until it's finished, and if you wish, keep posting it here.
Gaze upon my works, ye mighty, and despair...
Havoc: "So basically if you side against him, he summons Cthulu."
Hotfoot: "Yes, which is reasonable."
Havoc: "So basically if you side against him, he summons Cthulu."
Hotfoot: "Yes, which is reasonable."
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#7
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
It got cut off again! What is J.C.G.E?
Jump City General Electric? What?!?!?!?
It got cut off again! What is J.C.G.E?
Jump City General Electric? What?!?!?!?
Dogs are Man's Best Friend
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- rhoenix
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#9
Havoc, I started reading this story of yours a couple of hours ago, out of mild curiosity. It is now nearly 5 am, and I just caught up with it.
Excellent writing, and mind you, I've never watched the show at all, nor am I familiar with any of the characters (apart from Robin, but only because of Batman).
You seem to have an affection for the fish-out-of-water sort of stories, where the reluctant hero must realize their own potential, and you do so well. This was deeply enjoyable to read, and I look forward to more.
Excellent writing, and mind you, I've never watched the show at all, nor am I familiar with any of the characters (apart from Robin, but only because of Batman).
You seem to have an affection for the fish-out-of-water sort of stories, where the reluctant hero must realize their own potential, and you do so well. This was deeply enjoyable to read, and I look forward to more.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
- William Gibson
- William Gibson
Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
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#10
And so, the plot thickens further with Cinderblock having his eyes closed for all time.
Excellent work, all around.
Excellent work, all around.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
- William Gibson
- William Gibson
Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
- General Havoc
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#12
My goodness! Thank you both so much!
I'm sorry this chapter took so long, and will endeavor to complete Chapter 17 on time.
I'm sorry this chapter took so long, and will endeavor to complete Chapter 17 on time.
Gaze upon my works, ye mighty, and despair...
Havoc: "So basically if you side against him, he summons Cthulu."
Hotfoot: "Yes, which is reasonable."
Havoc: "So basically if you side against him, he summons Cthulu."
Hotfoot: "Yes, which is reasonable."
- rhoenix
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#13
Now, this is an interesting development with David's powers. This is going to be very interesting to see take shape as the chapters progress, that's for certain.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
- William Gibson
- William Gibson
Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
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#14
Ok... what is inside David, and how does it know Trigun.
And whose wand? I know I should know it from another Titans villian...
And whose wand? I know I should know it from another Titans villian...
Dogs are Man's Best Friend
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#15
Well worth the wait for it, Havoc. I told you the whole scene with Raven wasn't working as written. Now it's much better.
You had me laughing aloud several times with Cyborg and BeastBoy, and the conversation with StarFire at the end was touching. You've got their personalities and quirks down perfect, as I've said before. Great Job.
So... who's the next alert, hmm? And what name did he chose for his CodeName?
You had me laughing aloud several times with Cyborg and BeastBoy, and the conversation with StarFire at the end was touching. You've got their personalities and quirks down perfect, as I've said before. Great Job.
So... who's the next alert, hmm? And what name did he chose for his CodeName?
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#16
I didn't say this last night (this morning, rather), but excellent work, Havoc. The training scene came across wonderfully, and now that I re-read Raven's part, I can't think of a single thing I'd suggest be changed - and hers was the only one I did think could stand improvement last night. Now, all of it flows well.
Well done - and of course I can't wait for the next chapter.
Well done - and of course I can't wait for the next chapter.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
- William Gibson
- William Gibson
Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
- rhoenix
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#18
I disagree - that was excellent as one chapter. It seems that with each passing chapter, the little things; the subtleties are becoming easier for you, and you're challenging yourself with other subtleties that become part of your writing.
You're evoking imagery even better now, and considering that you were doing quite well with that before, that's no small thing.
Well done with chapter 19 - now I really am looking forward to chapter 20, and the aftermath of what happened in 19.
You're evoking imagery even better now, and considering that you were doing quite well with that before, that's no small thing.
Well done with chapter 19 - now I really am looking forward to chapter 20, and the aftermath of what happened in 19.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
- William Gibson
- William Gibson
Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
- rhoenix
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#19
Another excellently-written chapter, Havoc - the twist at the end was well-done.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
- William Gibson
- William Gibson
Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
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#21
I said this via IM, but I'll admit it here too - I really feel like I should have seen that twist coming, even though I was blindsided by it.
I won't spoil it for the haters who'll read the commentary thread before reading the actual chapter - but it was a good twist out of nowhere that was foreshadowed well, and I'm still annoyed at myself for not seeing it coming.
I won't spoil it for the haters who'll read the commentary thread before reading the actual chapter - but it was a good twist out of nowhere that was foreshadowed well, and I'm still annoyed at myself for not seeing it coming.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
- William Gibson
- William Gibson
Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
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#22
Dammit... you gave us a Cliffhanger! What Happens NEXT?!?!?
Oh, yeah.. great fight scenes, loved the scene-switching between the two battles. Great Job.
Oh, yeah.. great fight scenes, loved the scene-switching between the two battles. Great Job.
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#23
Excellently-done scene-splitting, and cliffhanger-ing at the end for both. The scene with Terra was especially well-done, and well planned as well.
I await further developments.
I await further developments.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
- William Gibson
- William Gibson
Josh wrote:What? There's nothing weird about having a pet housefly. He smuggles cigarettes for me.
- rhoenix
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#25
That was...wow.
I had to sit back and take in what happened for a moment after I finished reading, it was that good. Excellent work, and as always I'm left impatient for the next chapter.
I had to sit back and take in what happened for a moment after I finished reading, it was that good. Excellent work, and as always I'm left impatient for the next chapter.