Author Feedback: General Havoc

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#1 Author Feedback: General Havoc

Post by LadyTevar »

So far, the General has some promise. Please post more.

Edit: Ok, let me refine that statement.

You have the characterizations dead on. Post more or the Empress will be Unhappy.
Last edited by LadyTevar on Sun Jul 29, 2007 10:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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#2

Post by frigidmagi »

I have finally finished what you've posted. It was damn good, continue.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
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#3

Post by LadyTevar »

HAH! So that's why Raven played the 'dumb game' with Beast Boy!
Great Chapter!
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#4

Post by frigidmagi »

Finally caught up. You're doing damn well at this.

I like how David isn't the awesome, super cool guy that everyone wants to be or be with. Nor does he have complete and total kickass as a power.

Instead David is fairly inept at this whole thing but able to raise above that.

10pts man.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
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General Havoc
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#5

Post by General Havoc »

Wow... thanks guys. I will keep going on this thing until it's finished, and if you wish, keep posting it here.
Gaze upon my works, ye mighty, and despair...

Havoc: "So basically if you side against him, he summons Cthulu."
Hotfoot: "Yes, which is reasonable."
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#6

Post by LadyTevar »

I'm just wondering who the Man In Gold is...
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#7

Post by LadyTevar »

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It got cut off again! What is J.C.G.E?
Jump City General Electric? What?!?!?!?
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#8

Post by LadyTevar »

J.C.G.E.

Jump City Gas & Electric. OMG, he blew the gas main...
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#9

Post by rhoenix »

Havoc, I started reading this story of yours a couple of hours ago, out of mild curiosity. It is now nearly 5 am, and I just caught up with it.

Excellent writing, and mind you, I've never watched the show at all, nor am I familiar with any of the characters (apart from Robin, but only because of Batman).

You seem to have an affection for the fish-out-of-water sort of stories, where the reluctant hero must realize their own potential, and you do so well. This was deeply enjoyable to read, and I look forward to more.
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#10

Post by rhoenix »

And so, the plot thickens further with Cinderblock having his eyes closed for all time.

Excellent work, all around.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

- William Gibson


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#11

Post by LadyTevar »

Dude, you so rock.

Great job with Raven.
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#12

Post by General Havoc »

My goodness! Thank you both so much!

I'm sorry this chapter took so long, and will endeavor to complete Chapter 17 on time.
Gaze upon my works, ye mighty, and despair...

Havoc: "So basically if you side against him, he summons Cthulu."
Hotfoot: "Yes, which is reasonable."
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#13

Post by rhoenix »

Now, this is an interesting development with David's powers. This is going to be very interesting to see take shape as the chapters progress, that's for certain.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

- William Gibson


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#14

Post by LadyTevar »

Ok... what is inside David, and how does it know Trigun.

And whose wand? I know I should know it from another Titans villian...
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#15

Post by LadyTevar »

Well worth the wait for it, Havoc. I told you the whole scene with Raven wasn't working as written. Now it's much better.

You had me laughing aloud several times with Cyborg and BeastBoy, and the conversation with StarFire at the end was touching. You've got their personalities and quirks down perfect, as I've said before. Great Job.


So... who's the next alert, hmm? And what name did he chose for his CodeName?
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#16

Post by rhoenix »

I didn't say this last night (this morning, rather), but excellent work, Havoc. The training scene came across wonderfully, and now that I re-read Raven's part, I can't think of a single thing I'd suggest be changed - and hers was the only one I did think could stand improvement last night. Now, all of it flows well.

Well done - and of course I can't wait for the next chapter.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

- William Gibson


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#17

Post by LadyTevar »

Dude, that so could have been two separate chapters.

But damn if it wasn't a great ride :lol:
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#18

Post by rhoenix »

I disagree - that was excellent as one chapter. It seems that with each passing chapter, the little things; the subtleties are becoming easier for you, and you're challenging yourself with other subtleties that become part of your writing.

You're evoking imagery even better now, and considering that you were doing quite well with that before, that's no small thing.

Well done with chapter 19 - now I really am looking forward to chapter 20, and the aftermath of what happened in 19.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

- William Gibson


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#19

Post by rhoenix »

Another excellently-written chapter, Havoc - the twist at the end was well-done.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

- William Gibson


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#20

Post by LadyTevar »

Very nicely done. I can't wait for the next chapter!
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#21

Post by rhoenix »

I said this via IM, but I'll admit it here too - I really feel like I should have seen that twist coming, even though I was blindsided by it.

I won't spoil it for the haters who'll read the commentary thread before reading the actual chapter - but it was a good twist out of nowhere that was foreshadowed well, and I'm still annoyed at myself for not seeing it coming.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

- William Gibson


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#22

Post by LadyTevar »

Dammit... you gave us a Cliffhanger! What Happens NEXT?!?!?


Oh, yeah.. great fight scenes, loved the scene-switching between the two battles. Great Job.
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#23

Post by rhoenix »

Excellently-done scene-splitting, and cliffhanger-ing at the end for both. The scene with Terra was especially well-done, and well planned as well.

I await further developments. :wink:
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

- William Gibson


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#24

Post by LadyTevar »

You may make us wait forever for updates... but DAMN do you deliver!!!
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#25

Post by rhoenix »

That was...wow.

I had to sit back and take in what happened for a moment after I finished reading, it was that good. Excellent work, and as always I'm left impatient for the next chapter.
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