Was hoping for some feedback
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Jason_Firewalker
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#1 Was hoping for some feedback
I am writing a series of short stories, each about 90 pages long, about a main character who is a genetically modified human in the year 2106, and he has been infused with Siberian Tiger DNA by the government to make a better more vicious soilder. He tends to try to do the best thing as he battles his inner demons and the genetic modifications while he helps San Francisco Metropolitan Bay Area Sheriff's office battle other former super-soilders who have gone and done unspeakable things. I wanted to post the first one here but I wanted to see if anyone was interested first. I am trying to get published so I am tweaking the stories and would love some feedback.
'Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today — but the core of science fiction, its essence has become crucial to our salvation, if we are to be saved at all'
-- Sir Issac Asimov
The True Resurrection would undo the chartrusing of the Gnome
-- My friend figuring out how to permanently turn a gnome chartreuse
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents
--HP Lovecraft in Call Of Cthulhu
-- Sir Issac Asimov
The True Resurrection would undo the chartrusing of the Gnome
-- My friend figuring out how to permanently turn a gnome chartreuse
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents
--HP Lovecraft in Call Of Cthulhu
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frigidmagi
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#2
No offense meant to you Jason but I think your premise is flawed.
Siberian Tigers are actually cautious predators who kill to eat not out of some joy. Tasmanian Devils are a better bet as are Wolverines. Both species are known to kill for the sheer fuck of it and spoil carcasses so nothing else will eat from it (when you think about it, that's pretty damn spiteful).
Also vicious soldiers are sloppy dead soldiers who cause more damage to your side then the enemies before they go. I've never gotten why y'all think the military wants viciousness, especially when it's mostly displayed by Blackwater and crew and look what that's achieved.
As for phyiscal strength and endurance, cybernetics would a better bet I think. Plus if you really want to go with super soldiers being unbalanced and fucked in the head you could explore how badly having a computer in your head fucks with your sense of reality and damages your empathy.
Siberian Tigers are actually cautious predators who kill to eat not out of some joy. Tasmanian Devils are a better bet as are Wolverines. Both species are known to kill for the sheer fuck of it and spoil carcasses so nothing else will eat from it (when you think about it, that's pretty damn spiteful).
Also vicious soldiers are sloppy dead soldiers who cause more damage to your side then the enemies before they go. I've never gotten why y'all think the military wants viciousness, especially when it's mostly displayed by Blackwater and crew and look what that's achieved.
As for phyiscal strength and endurance, cybernetics would a better bet I think. Plus if you really want to go with super soldiers being unbalanced and fucked in the head you could explore how badly having a computer in your head fucks with your sense of reality and damages your empathy.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
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Jason_Firewalker
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#3
I know quite well that the tiger is a cautious animal, but most people dont. So therefor taking from that, I came to the conclusion of using the tiger. I know the premise does not completely hold up but I am more interested in what you think of the writing.
As for cybernetics in this world they are too expensive for mass use.
As for cybernetics in this world they are too expensive for mass use.
'Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today — but the core of science fiction, its essence has become crucial to our salvation, if we are to be saved at all'
-- Sir Issac Asimov
The True Resurrection would undo the chartrusing of the Gnome
-- My friend figuring out how to permanently turn a gnome chartreuse
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents
--HP Lovecraft in Call Of Cthulhu
-- Sir Issac Asimov
The True Resurrection would undo the chartrusing of the Gnome
-- My friend figuring out how to permanently turn a gnome chartreuse
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents
--HP Lovecraft in Call Of Cthulhu
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frigidmagi
- Dragon Death-Marine General
- Posts: 14757
- Joined: Wed Jun 08, 2005 11:03 am
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- Location: Alone and unafraid
#4
Sorry no go. Tigers are big and flashy as a reason is not gonna work man. Treating your audience as a bunch of idiots is one of the worse sins of writing. I'm no zoologist and my knowledge of biology has led biologist and others in the field to despair. Yet I knew that much from the damn Discovery Channel and kid books.I know quite well that the tiger is a cautious animal, but most people dont.
That's Strike One right off the bat and doesn't fill me with hope for the rest man.
Again this isn't mean to offend you but playing nice won't help you improve.
If the Premise doesn't hold up you're flawed from the get go.I know the premise does not completely hold up but I am more interested in what you think of the writing.
But they can do mass gene identification, sequencing, spicing, trouble shooting to create humanoids with specific animalistic characteristics? Considering that the two need much in the same way of a logistical and support base you're gonna need to come up with some reasons as to why.As for cybernetics in this world they are too expensive for mass use.
Do Cyborgs need extended medical/maintenance support, while your animal troopers do not maybe?
You still gotta make armor and gear for them otherwise they'll get taken out by the first tribesmen with a AK-47 to see them.
"it takes two sides to end a war but only one to start one. And those who do not have swords may still die upon them." Tolken
