Men Are Just Happier People

[Robert Walper]

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.


No wonder men are happier.

[Narsil]

To culture-shock this thing... (Unless changed, assume identical)

The garage is all yours.

If you have one, Americans are unique in that every house has a garage. Brits are rather partial to just having better cars.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Brits, again, usually help out, or at least my uncle helped out with his own wedding.

Chocolate is just another snack.

Applies to both genders in Britain

You can be President.

That's Prime Minister. And there's rumours that Maggie Thatcher was in fact female.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Not really, white is an "out of fashion" colour in Britain...

We're not boring like you lot.

The world is your urinal.

Too improper, we're not Barbarians...

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

We solve that by simply removing Gas Station Restrooms...

And having a smaller country.

Wrinkles add character.

Slightly the same. But men are born with wrinkles...

Or at least have a fair bunch by twenty...

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

Well...

Depends on the type of Wedding Dress... since 'Traditional' all depends on the culture in question. Anything from English to Islamic.

And Tuxedoes, I've noticed, are only used for one of the many cerimonies.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

Depends what's on your T-Shirt, really

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

That is not a jolly good show, old chap.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

We're infinitely more Formal... so the shoes do tend to blister slightly at the heel.

One mood all the time.

We're not boring enough to have 'one mood all the time'.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

Holidays require two suitcases for me, Clothes/Others which you'd typically have... and one for a laptop

You can open all your own jars.

Or rarely have to use them. Or we're intelligent and don't make them virtually impossible for anyone femenine to open. We think of our female counterparts during the design phase

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

We Spawned Shakespeare. Thus: Thoughtfulness is in the blood.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

We typically have one or two pairs:

A Pair of Formal/Informal Shoes...

Football/Sport/Work Boots...

Women have 2-4 at most... from what I can tell. They tend to throw out old pairs when they buy new ones.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Keep Britain Tidy

The same hairstyle lasts for years maybe decades.

Still rather false nowadays. Unless we turn into a bunch of boring sods like you lot

Now, tell me...

How does being a boring yank with no sense of style whatsoever equal happiness?

[Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman]

You can be President.

That's Prime Minister. And there's rumours that Maggie Thatcher was in fact female.

She is?

[Narsil]

She is?

Like I said, there are rumours. But no groundbreaking proof.

[frigidmagi]

It's funny that Walper posted you can be President, when he is A: Canadian and B: Not legally allowed to run for the office of the President of the United States, since one of the requirements is being born in the Unitied States.

[Narsil]

It's funny that Walper posted you can be President, when he is A: Canadian and B: Not legally allowed to run for the office of the President of the United States, since one of the requirements is being born in the Unitied States.

They're hoping to fix that for Ahnuld...

But why would anyone want to be leader of the United States. No offense but you guys have got the worst flag... ever.

[Robert Walper]

It's funny that Walper posted you can be President, when he is A: Canadian and B: Not legally allowed to run for the office of the President of the United States, since one of the requirements is being born in the Unitied States.

Obviously an American biased joke. But heck, the US is going to be a Canadian province soon enough anyhow...or is that Canada as a US state?

[frigidmagi]

But why would anyone want to be leader of the United States. No offense but you guys have got the worst flag... ever.

No offense but you got the worst prince ever (Charlie not the boys). I'll keep the flag, of which I am rather fond of and enjoy the design, to avoid the possibity of that guy being my head of state.

[Narsil]

No offense but you got the worst prince ever (Charlie not the boys). I'll keep the flag, of which I am rather fond of and enjoy the design, to avoid the possibity of that guy being my head of state.

Well... the Royals hold about as much political sway as I do. They're just powerless figureheads and really famous is all. It's like a long-running celebretism, no real 'Monarchy' has existed in Britain for the last few centuries. And Prince Charles isn't in any form of political activism as far as I'm aware, and he's in no position or willingness to apply for any Prime Ministerial Candidacy.

They just so happen to be a 'Boost of Morale'... because it would severely piss us off if one of them were to be killed.

But, yeah, there's little possibility, at the moment, of any member of the monarchy getting to be the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Or being a member of Parliament. So, seriously, you'd have very little concern for the state of Monarchy if you lived in Britain.

[frigidmagi]

No, no... I didn't say damn thing about your government Dakarne. I said head of state. The Monarch is the head of state in Great Britian, but is not the head of Government, who is your Prime Minster. Believe it or not, or just ask Nitram I do have some grasp of how your system works.

And while the monarch doesn't hold any great power, every one with any level of insight or study on this matter tells me that she clearly as a great deal of influence.

That being said, it had nothing to do with Charlie boy's political views and everything with me rathering a flag represent my nation instead of him.

[B4UTRUST]

The garage is all yours.
(Don't have a garage)

Chocolate is just another snack.
(No, it's a food group. Get it right. Barbarian.)

You can be President.
(No, I can be lord god of this world. I will settle for the office of presidency though)

Car mechanics tell you the truth.
(Car mechanics still lie their ass off if you're not mechanically inclined)

The world is your urinal.
(No, I'm civilized. I use a toilet. Or Canada, whichever is closer)

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
(You do if you're working on a part that's facing backwards, is reverse threaded and you're hanging upside down more or less trying to get to it.)

Same work, more pay.
(Military. Same work, same pay - shitty)

Wrinkles add character.
(Only if your name is Sean Connery)

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
(If uncooth)

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
(Lies! New boots hurt like a bitch!)

One mood all the time.
(Unless you're actually expressive, bi-polar or moody)

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
(Even you know this is wrong Walper. Hell I've talked to you for more then that in a single session)

You know stuff about tanks.
(...you get this one. I do. But I know females who do as well)

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
(*laughs* Unless you're me. Two, minimum. And my laptop.)

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
(I wear boxers, not briefs. Boxers are more then $8.95 for a three pack)

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
(Two pairs of boots, 1 pair of running shoes, 1 pair of regular shoes, two pairs of formal dress shoes for my blues, 1 pair of black leather shoes for formal occassions. 7 pairs)

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
(*looks down at shirt* There are wrinkles there. Many of them.)

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
(Sure you can. If you're a total ass and thoughtless. Wait, this is Walper. Statement retracted, we already know he is.)

[Batman]

The garage is all yours.
(Don't have a garage)

As I'm the one owning everything in it it's mine anyway. And it's not a garage, it's a cave.

Chocolate is just another snack.
(No, it's a food group. Get it right. Barbarian.)

Or, depending on your preferences, a beverage (Honor Harrington, anybody?).

You can be President.
(No, I can be lord god of this world. I will settle for the office of presidency though)

Bah. I already own all the former president's assets. besides, Pete Ross seems to be doing a bang-up job AND has Lana Lang keeping tabs on him. I say the presidency is in good hands.
Besides, there's way too few really tall buildings in Washington.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.
(Car mechanics still lie their ass off if you're not mechanically inclined)

Not if you're the one paying them AND can get there ass in jail in no time should the need arise (yes, I'm looking at you Toyman )

The world is your urinal.
(No, I'm civilized. I use a toilet. Or Canada, whichever is closer)

When I'm on top of a 1,739 floor building with a kidnapping about to turn into a murder within less than ten minutes twelve blocks away? Get real.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
(You do if you're working on a part that's facing backwards, is reverse threaded and you're hanging upside down more or less trying to get to it.)

Toyman's problem, not mine.

Same work, more pay.
(Military. Same work, same pay - shitty)

Superhero. Same work, same pay, yet Babs is the one in the wheelchair. Go figure.

Wrinkles add character.
(Only if your name is Sean Connery)

Can't argue with that.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
(If uncooth)

And would give away my position to the Bad Guys. Belching and stealth don't mix well.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
(Lies! New boots hurt like a bitch!)

No they don't. Of course, you may realize at a really unopportunate moment that the skids are actually built into the old pair...
I can't believe I'm actually referencing the nonexistant 'Batman & Robin' movie.

One mood all the time.
(Unless you're actually expressive, bi-polar or moody)

I'm an inconsiderate bastard 24/7. Does that count?

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
(Even you know this is wrong Walper. Hell I've talked to you for more then that in a single session)

Hmm. Phonecalls never last more than a page, and rarely more than four or so panels. How does that translate into seconds?

You know stuff about tanks.
(...you get this one. I do. But I know females who do as well)

Yes, but counting DKR and/or Batman Begins, I own a tank.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
(*laughs* Unless you're me. Two, minimum. And my laptop.)

Same here. One for regular stuff, one for my working gear.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
(I wear boxers, not briefs. Boxers are more then $8.95 for a three pack)

I wear briefs but apparently bulletproof costs extra.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
(*looks down at shirt* There are wrinkles there. Many of them.)

*scratches head* Do kevlar/nomex/handwavium combos wrinkle?

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
(Sure you can. If you're a total ass and thoughtless. Wait, this is Walper. Statement retracted, we already know he is.)

OR you could simply have your butler do it.
EDIT: And I can't believe none of you lazy bastards told me I misspelled Washington.

[Narsil]

Now... to answer in character...

The garage is all yours.

Have yet to be invented. And I have teleport spells, I don't need a fecking car.

Chocolate is just another snack.

It's also a spell component for "Power Word: Panty-Drop".

You can be President.

Pres-i-dent? Dem-o-cra-cy?

Sounds okay, but we'll just keep with my title: Lord Dakarne, Archmage of Cormanthor!

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The only Mechanics are gnomes... and even then...

I wouldn't trust one as far as I could thro... bad example. Well let's just say that I don't trust 'em...

The world is your urinal.

Nah, the Gate Spell is my urinal... pissing on a demon's head is much more preferable to pissing in a bush.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

"Fix Machine" level 4 spell.

Same work, more pay.

I can't quite think of an Elven Woman Archmage of Cormanthor...

Mostly because the Elven Woman Archmage is the Archmage of Yuirwood.

Wrinkles add character.

Wrinkles? Elves?

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

"Intestinal Gas Control" 3rd Level Spell.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Elven boots tend not to get in your way that much.

One mood all the time.

I'm too damn complex to be a bloody emotionless human. It's illogical to suppress emotion.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

Not Invented Yet.

You know stuff about tanks.

I know how to turn one into a pile of ash, does that count?

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

Why not just teleport back home for a split second when you need something? No problem. Or if you're talking about an adventure? One bag of holding... also makes a decent hiding spot.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

I create my boxer shorts from thin air... magic rules.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Middle Ages, wrinkled clothes are expected.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

I take several days, and create magical weapons for my friends. And my relatives died millennia ago.