Author Feedback - EarthScorpion

[EarthScorpion]

I present my broadside to your barrage of fire.

Seriously, I'm looking for criticism. I can't improve without comments pointing out my weaknesses. Of course, saying nice things about me is still not a bad thing...

[Academia Nut]

Since I already comment on SDN, I felt I would be a bit redundant here, but a bit of encouragement is always good. Also, for those of you who might not know, the scene in Gendo's office has a sly reference density comparable to neutronium. Once I got the Tsab reference I nearly bust a gut.

[EarthScorpion]

Well, actually, in an earlier version, the whole reference was going to be a lot bigger. The whole "Mala gets drunk and recounts his most recent mission" was originally part of that reference. It was going to be how he'd ended up killing a small girl just because she'd picked up an extra-dimensional artefact and had torn through the shadow-like Lovecraftian monster they'd been tracking. They get the orders to shoot from HQ, she tears through several powered armour squads, before Mala and Akiry shoot the untrained girl in the back.

Yeah, I was originally going to have a Nanoha reference character shot dead by FSB after she sealed the first Jewel seed. I'm rather glad that I changed it; now it actually advances the plot, rather than just be an extended reference to MGLN which would also be a bit depressing. Interestingly, you can still see the vestigial remains of that sub-section; the unknown sorcerer's familiar, the ferret with jade-like eyes, looks like Yuuno.

And one of the things that I'm deliberately doing is creating reference characters for each of the major branches of the NEG, who I can use any time I need to give information from that viewpoint. We have:

The NEG High Command - the three field marshals
The Evangelion Project - all the canon characters
The Engel Pilots - only a few early appearances, mostly rendered redundant by the Eva viewpoint, as they're close enough
The FSB Agents - Mala and Akiry. Their job in the story, basically, is to see the seedy side and the hidden cruelties of the NEG, then get depressed
The OIS team - just introduced, mainly focussed on Mary Anderson as she tortures, brutalises, interrogates, drags away idiot teenagers who as a prank tried to buy a copy of the Necronomicon in an official NEG bookstore (that's an automatic 20 year jail sentence)
The Tager Team - I have them jokingly referred to as "The Player Characters" in my notes, due to their tendency to blow things up and kill people.
Nyarlathotep - only there so that I can do cryptic references and malign hints from a source apart from AHNUNG and Gendo.

Now, I'll have to get an EoD viewpoint character in later, as that'll be needed for the endgame.

Actually, that's a thing I was inspired to do by the Open Door; having some lesser characters you can do mini story arcs on while the main meta story happens really helps universe immersion, as well as meaning that I don't get too bored just focussing on the same characters. I have to admit, I think I get bored in the same way that you said that you do, and start planning new stories/ RPG campaigns instead of just writing what I mean to do, and having sub-stories are a way of letting me vent some steam and even kill off characters without crippling the main universe.

[frigidmagi]

Dark humour was a favourite of the soldiers of Charlie Company. And pretty much all of Valkyrie, come to think of it.

Side note, that should be changed to Dark Humor was a favorite of the entire damn military. Even those of us serving in militaries (or having served) who only have to fight our fellow "up-lifted apes" and never have to worry about the entire species being wiped out if we lose are pretty close to addicted to it and it's close cousin gallows humor.

I imagine among NEG armed forces and paramilitary groups it's practically required.