Paranoia

[B4UTRUST]

What is Paranoia?

Paranoia is set in a darkly humorous future ruled by a well-meaning but deranged computer.

The Computer is happy. The Computer is crazy.
The Computer will help you become happy. This will drive you crazy.
Being a citizen of Alpha Complex is fun. The computer says so and The Computer is your friend.

Many traitors threaten Alpha Complex. Many loyal citizens live in Alpha Complex. Most happy citizens are crazy. Which are more dangerous - traitors or loyal citizens?

Rooting out traitors will make you happy. The Computer tells you so. If you are not happy, The Computer will use you as reactor shielding.

Being a Troubleshooter is fun. The Computer tells you so. Do you doubt The Computer, Citizen?

Troubleshooters get shot at, stabbed, mangled, incinerated, poisoned, stapled, blown to bits and accidently executed. This is so much fun many Troubleshooters go crazy.

[B4UTRUST]

Now commencing PARANOIA...

Security Clearance INFRARED - CLEARED FOR ALL CITIENS

May I be of assistance?

Sure. Why don't you tell me how this roleplaying game works?

I'm sorry, citizen. That information is not available at this time.

Huh? Most games are really eager to teach you the rules.

Not Paranoia. In Paranoia you don't know the rules. You don't know who your enemies are. You don't know how your equipment works. You're never sure why you're doing anything. One thing you do know: Everyone is out to get you. Ignorance and fear; fear and ignornace. These are your watchwords.

Uhh... what's this I hear about a computer?

In Paranoia you play a Troubleshooter in service to The Computer. Trust The Computer! The Computer is your friend! You are The Computer's trusted agent and protector of Alpha Complex, The Computer's underground city of the far future.

Why am I a Troubleshooter?

You turned in a friend for treason. The Computer had him executed for betraying Alpha Complex. The Computer rewarded your loyalty. Now you root out all traitors and apprehend or execute them. You uncovor corruption among The Computer's servants and turn them into Internal Security. You find trouble, and you shoot it.

What's a 'traitor'?

A traitor is a malevolent human citizen who has betrayed his friend The Computer and seeks to destroy The Computer, Alpha Complex, humanity and life as we know it. You must unmask and destroy all traitors. Watch out! Traitors are everywhere. Mutants are traitors. These genetic freaks have uncontrollable abilities they selfishly use for their own advancement, rather than to serve Alpha Complex. You must subdue or elminate them. Members of secret societies are traitors. In organizations unsanctioned by The Computer they conspire irresponibly to undermine the good order of ALpha Complex. You must destroy them. By the way... you are a mutant, and a member of a secret society. You are at traitor.

Wait, I'm a traitor?

That is correct. Your fellow Troubleshooters would be eager to unmask you as a traitor and execute you. They work with many Troubleshooters. They all carry powerful weapons.

Let me get this straight. My job is to hunt and kill traitors. I work with other people who have the same orders. They all want to kill me?

Not quite. They all want to kill traitors. They don't know you're a Commie mutant traitor. Yet.

If they find out?

They'll apprehend or kill you, as any right-thinking citizen would. Of course, if you convict them of treason first, The Computer will have them executed, and you may survive. Note though, false accusations of treason are themselves treason.

So I want to prove they're traitors before they can prove I'm a traitor. If I don't, I die?

Precisely. Dead traitors cannot testify to their own innocence, or to your guilt. It is convienient to be the last Troubleshooter on your team left alive. The good news is, Troubleshooters routinely get shot, stabbed, incinerated, mangled, poisoned, blown to bits, and occasionally stapled, so you have many opportunities to ensure your teammates meet their just end. Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep your laser handy!

...Are you sure this will be fun?

Certainly, citizen! Fun is mandatory. The Computer says so, and The Computer is your friend. Do you doubt The Computer? Doubting The Computer is treason.

Uh! No, certainly not. If The Computer says fun is mandatory, then this certainly will be fun. Only a Commie mutant traitor could believe otherwise.

Excellent! You're getting the idea. As a sign of its trust, The Computer promotes you to Security Clearance RED. Welcome to Paranoia.

[B4UTRUST]

THE COMPUTER WELCOMES THIS OPPERTUNITY TO DEMONSTRATE OUR PERSONAL INTEREST IN THE HAPPINESS AND THE WELFARE OF EVERY CITIZEN IN ALPHA COMPLEX. THAT MEANS YOU CITIZEN," the voice of The Computer spoke.

The RED clearance citizen belatedly slapped his hands over his ears and winced up into the lens of the security camera. "Who? Me?" he asked.

"YES, YOU. THIS IS YOUR FRIEND THE COMPUTER. YOU ARE WATCHED OVER BY THE ALL-POWERFUL, ALL-SEEING MACHINE OF LOVING GRACE.
"YOU ARE HAPPY, AREN'T YOU?"
"Well... yeah. We need to get to Troubleshooter Headquarters to get the coordinates for our briefing location. Can you give us directions?"
"WHAT IS YOUR SECURITY CLEARANCE, PLEASE?"
"Red, Friend Computer."
"I'M SORRY, CITIZEN. THAT INFORMATION IS NOT AVAILABLE AT THIS TIME."
"Oh."
"I DETECT IN YOUR VOICE TONES SUGGESTING DISAPPOINTMENT, CITIZEN. I HOPE YOU ARE NOT DISAPPOINTED."
"Well... sure, I'm disappointed. I just asked-"
"IT WOULD BE A VERY BAD THING FOR A CITIZEN TO BE DISAPPOINTED."
"Yeah? Okay. No big deal. I just wanted directions to-"
"OH, MY YES. A VERY BAD THING. YOUR FRIEND THE COMPUTER CERTAINLY WOULDN'T WANT TO DISCOVER ANY DISAPPOINTED CITIZENS."
"No. No. Of course. No, I sure don't know of any disappointed citizens around here. Wait... let me take a quick look around." The citizen mantomimed and industrious search of the information booth. "Nope. Absolutely nobody disappointed here."
"I'M VERY PLEASED TO HEARD THAT, CITIZEN. NOW, AS I HAVE PREVIOUSLY ASKED, MAY I BE OF ASSISTANCE?"
"Hmm. How about... could you tell me anything a citizen of my security clearance and my spotless record of loyal service to The Computer is entitled to know about Troubleshooter Headquarters?"
"EXCUSE ME WHILE I MAKE AN EXHAUSTIVE SEARCH OF MY MEMORY FOR ALL DETAILS PERTAINENT TO YOUR REQUEST."
"Right. Should I go get a Bouncy Bubble Beverage or something while you-"
"HERE ARE ALL DETAILS PERTINENT TO YOUR REQUEST AND CLEARED FOR ACCESS TO CITIZENS OF RED CLEARANCE.
"TROUBLESHOOTERS WORK AT TROUBLESHOOTER HEADQUARTERS. TROUBLESHOOTERS SERVE THE COMPUTER BY DILIGENTLY SEEKING OUT TROUBLE THROUGHOUT THE CORRIDORS AND CHAMBERS OF ALPHA COMPLEX AND SHOOTING IT."
"Yeah. No kidding," the citizen said, being very careful to keep even the slightest note of derision out of his voice.
"THE TROUBLESHOOTER WEARS COVERALLS OF VARIOUS COLORS. EACH COLOR INDICATES A DIFFERENT LEVEL OF SECURITY CLEARANCE. CITIZENS OF LOWER SECURITY CLEARANCES ARE WATCHED OVER LOVINGLY BY THEIR FELLOW CITIZENS OF HIGHER CLEARANCES. CITIZENS OF HIGH SECURITY CLEARANCES ARE TREATED WITH RESPECT AND DEFERENCE BY CITIZENS OF LOWER CLEARANCES.
"MOST OF THE LOYAL CITIZENS OF ALPHA COMPLEX ARE ONLY OF INFRARED SECURITY CLEARANCE, AND THEREFORE MUST WEAR BLACK UMPSUITS TO INDICATE THEIR SECURITY CLEARANCE LEVEL. THERE ARE MANY CLEARANCES HIGHER THAN INFRARED CLEARANCE: RED, ORANGE, YELLOW, GREEN, BLUE, INDIGO, VIOLET, AND ULTRAVIOLET - IN THAT ASCENDING ORDER."
"Sure, sure sure, everybody knows that-" the citizen said absentmindedly.
"AHEM. IS THERE SOME REASON WHY YOU CHOOSE TO INTERRUPT THE COMPUTER AS IT RELATES TO YOU THE INFORMATION YOU HAVE SO RECENTLY REQUESTED?"
"Ehr-"
"I HOPE THE INFORMATION WHICH THE COMPUTER HAS RETRIEVED AS PER YOUR REQUEST AT NO INCONSIDERABLE EFFORT AND LOSS OF VALUABLE TIME IS NOT DISAPPOINTING TO YOU, CITIZEN."
"Oh, no... not at all. Uh... maybe it was interferance on the line... or maybe-"
"TRAITORS ARE EVERYWHERE, CITIZEN. STAY ALERT! TRUST NO ONE! KEEP YOUR LASER HANDY! REPORT ALL TREASONOUS ACTIVITY TO THE COMPUTER IMMEDIATELY."
"Yes. Certainly. Right away," the citizen said as he squeezed back into a corner of the information booth.
"GOOD. WHERE WERE WE? RIGHT. SECURITY CLEARANCES. ALL CITIZENS MUST DEFER TO OTHER CITIZENS OF HIGHER SECURITY CLEARANCES. FAILURE TO DEFUER TO CITIZENS OF HIGHER SECURITY CLEARANCES IS TREASON, AND PUNISHABLE BY SUMMARY EXECUTION.
"IN THE SERVICE OF THE COMPUTER AND ALPHA COMPLEX TROUBLESHOOTERS ARE FREQUENTLY AND FOULLY MURDERED BY COMMIE MUTANT TRAITORS. YOU KNOW WHAT COMMIE MUTANT TRAITORS ARE, DON'T YOU, CITIZEN?"
"Of-" The citizen tried to respond.
"TRAITORS ARE EVIL, DERANGED PERSONS WHO HAVE BETRAYED THEIR FRIEND THE COMPUTER AND THEIR FELLOW CITIZENS OF ALPHA COMPLEX. TRAITORS SEEK TO DESTROY THE COMPUTER, ALPHA COMPLEX, HUMANITY, AND ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. TRAITORS ARE EVERYWHERE. THEY MUST BE UNMASKED AND DESTROYED. CRIMES AGAINST THE COMPUTER, ALPHA COMPLEX, AND HUMAN CLONES ARE TREASON, AND PUNISHABLE BY SUMMARY EXECUTION."
"Uh... what does summary execution mean?"
"SHOOTING. WITH LASERS. PEW. PEW. PEW.," The Computer informed the citizen, training in its exuberance over the concept of summary execution, to simulate the sound of discharging laser rifles.

"Oh. Right," the citizen said.
"ALL MUTANTS ARE TRAITORS. MUTANTS ARE GENETICALLY IMPERFECT. MUTANTS MUST BE DESTROYED BEFORE THEY POLLUTE THE PURESTRAIN HUMAN CITIZENS OF ALPHA COMPLEX. ALL MUTATIONS ARE TREASON, AND PUNISHABLE BY SUMMARY EXECUTION.
"YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO BE A MUTANT, DO YOU CITIZEN?"
"Um... well... as it happens, Friend Computer, yes I am a mutant-"
"TERMINATE! TERMINATE! TERMINATE! EXECUTE YOURSELF AT ONCE! ON MY COUNT, CITIZEN! ONE, TWO, THREE-"
"But I'm a registered mutant, Friend Computer!" the citizen hurried to inject. "A loyal mutant, who has contritely dedicated his tragically poluted and treasonous genetic material to the service of The Computer and his fellow citizens."
"OH. WELL. IN THAT CASE. YOUR REQUEST TO EXECUTE YOURSELF FOR TREASON IS HEREBY DENIED. THANK OYU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.
"NOW. WHERE WERE WE?"
"Mutants, Friend Computer, you were telling me all about-"
"RIGHT. AND SECRET SOCIETIES. DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SECRECT SOCIETIES?"

The Computer paused for a moment as if, somewhere in the bowels of Alpha Complex, It was turning Its head from side to side, checking to see if anyone was eavesdropping.
"YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SECRET SOCIETIES, DO YOU, CITIZEN?"
"Oh, no, Friend Computer. Nothing at all. You were just going to tell me all about-"
"ALL MEMBERS OF SECRET SOCIETIES ARE TRAITORS. SECRET SOCIETIES ARE ORGANIZATIONS NOT SANCTIONED BY THE COMPUTER, AND CERTAINLY ENGAGED IN TREASONOUS ACTIVITY. MEMBERSHIP IN SECRET SOCIETIES IS TREASON, AND PUNISHABLE-"
"By summary execution, right, Computer?" the citizen asked cheerfully and beginning to get a feel for The Computer's sense of logic and justice.
"EXCELLENT, CITIZEN. YOU DISPLAY GREAT PROMISE. SOMEDAY YOU MAY BE PERMITTED TO BECOME A TROUBLESHOOTER."
"Swell. Just what I've always wanted. Look, I'm kind of busy right now and-"
"PERFECTLY SAFE. AND PLEANTY OF FUN. EVERYONE WANTS TO BE A TROUBLESHOOTER AND SERVE THE COMPUTER. ISN'T THAT RIGHT CITIZEN?"
"Oh, right. Lots of fun. I hope someday I can be a Troubleshooter."
"THE COMPUTER HOPES YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS BRIEF EDUCATIONAL PROGRAM. IF YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK. ANYTHING AT ALL. NOW, WE RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED ANOUNCEMENTS BROADCAST. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION. HAVE A NICE DAYCYCLE.

[B4UTRUST]

In the earliest days of Alpha Complex, The Computer established a few harmless secret societies to channel citizens' conspiritorial instincts in approved ways. These societies though heavily infiltrated by Internal Security, quickly became uncontrollable and spawened pernicious offshoots. The intolerable lack of privacy and The Computer's stultifying omniprescence bred, and still breeds, conspirarcy.

Today virtually every citizen it seems belongs to one secret society or another, each meeting surreptitiously. Because The computer no longer controls most of these secret societies, and they encourage loyalties other than to The Computer, it now views them with the greatest suspicion. Membership in a secret society is ipso facto treason.

The Computer has varying degrees of influence and control over the societies and some societies may exist of which The Computer is completely unaware. As The Computer discovers a new society's existence, it makes great efforts to infiltrate it with loyal citizens and gather information on its goals. Society beliefs and objectives vary wildly. Some actually promote obediance to The computer, so it silently tolerates membership in these societies, especially for citzens of otherwise proven merit and loyalty. Some societies have goals entirely irrelevant to The Computer's wishes; some even wish to destroy it. The Computer tolerates membership in such societies not one bit.

Remember, highly-placed agents of a secret society may have access to The Computer's programs, and a secret society may have planted in The Computer certain programs dedicated to aiding that society. Similarly, a secret society might obtain information for a character that would not normally be available at his security clearance. Some societies even have contacts outside Alpha Complex.

[B4UTRUST]

For any who want to make their own sheet follow the guidelines below and then PM it to me for my records. By no means post it for public viewing, that takes away half the fun of trying to guess who's who and doing what *laughs* I'll post a short bio of every character myself once I have everyone's sheet which will include name, clearance, service group/firm and a few other pertanent details.

The sheet-
Name/Gender:
Skills/Specialties:
Service Group/Firm:
Mutant Power:
Secret Society:
Perversity Points/Tics:
Security Clearance:
Equipment:

A few words. If you have the Paranoia XP books you should recognize some of the new material that wasn't in earlier editions of the Paranoia game. This is to include some equipment, tics and service firm. If you don't have the books you obviously probably won't have a freaking clue what the hell I'm babbling about. Therefore msg me and I'll assist you with the sheet, as trying to type up a description of every secret society, mutant power, service firm, etc is to much of a time consuming task to do it for this situation.

Standard equipment that every Troubleshooter will have will include the following:
1 Laser Pistol Body, minus laser barrel (note that each barrel is assigned by your friendly PLC rep on a per mission basis and is impossible to get through your secret society dispite what they might tell you or you might think. Thank you for choosing PLC). The laser won't work without a barrel and each barrel is color coded by clearance level.

1 suit of RED Reflec armor that(more or less) fits you. Reflec armor is capable of stopping any laser round of equal or lesser clearance to it, to a certain extent. After a few shots of the same laser color it will break through.

1 Series 1300 Personal Data Companion (PDC). The PDC is a helpful, friendly phone and AI contained within a cellphone-sized, easily concealable plastic case. the PDC has a small color display touchscreen, a stylus, a standard telephony keypad, and a built-in camera that can document still or video pictures of any treasonous behavior you might happen to point it at. The PDC also includes built-in online forms for reporting said treason quickly and convienantly.

A note- you don't own your assigned equipment, you use it at the pleasure of the service firm. You are financially responisible for these items; if anything happens to them, you must reimburse the service firm for the items' cost and you may earn The Computers official disfavor for destruction and negligence of The Computer's valuable property.

You also own, as personal equipment, one ME card.

The Computer requires every citizen to carry a Mercantile Enterprise card - universally known as the ME card. Though it looks and works much like Old Reckoning credit cards, your ME card is far more. Loaded with your biometric data, credit history, property inventory, and authentication codes, the ME Card is, in a sense, your identity.

Unfortunatly dispite the wealth of information and technology put into the ME cards, the built-in sensors don't test wehther the individual carrying your card is the rightful owner. The Computer, in its analysis of economic systems, has determined it doesn't matter who is spending the money so long as someone is. So if you lose your ME ccard, the theif can become Officially You until you recover, destroy, or cancel your card.

Getting the card canceled is a slow, all-day ordeal at Central Processing(though nothing compared to the three-day hell of getting a replacement), it's far more practical to try tracking your card down yourself- and in the meantime even 'borrowing' someone elses's card and become Officially them for awhile.

As for tics, a player can take up to two tics. A tic is any obvious or recognizable behavior or condition that seldom, if ever directly affects the game- for example, humming absenly, twiddling your thumbs when you're nervous, or twitching when anyone mentions 'the sewers'. Perhaps you acquired your tic while working at your service firm, or because of your mutant power. For instance, if you worked all day for years shuffling rods of enriched uranium from one Power Services reactor to another, wouldn't you expect to have an odd rash or persistent sores or faintly glowing hair?

A tic is never a secret. Anyone in your prescence for more than a few minutes observes it. The tic doesn't inhibit your ability to do anything useful; it's just a way strangers might describe you.

And for perversity points you, the player( as opposed to your character) can gain and use perversity points. You can use these points for many desirable things. You spend them to help sway and affect the outcome of some events. For instance if you were to try to plant communist propaganda papers in a fellow troubleshooter's pocket by spending perversity points you could gain a better success rate or sway the decision of the GM.

Perversity points are awarded randomly by the GM for anything the GM deems appropriate, which may include humerous comments, actions, a well thought idea or suggestion, or just about anything I deem worthy.

Remember one important thing about your character that is a staple of Paranoia. The longevity of your Troubleshooter is often proportional to how entertaining the troubleshooter is.

[Nephtys]

We've got a paranoia game going? Woooow. I want in. So just mail you a sheet and that's all?

[B4UTRUST]

That's it. As soon as we get enough players we start. *chuckles* It'll be perfectly safe and mandatorily fun, Citizen.

[Anonymous]

Well I found it and I'm putting my name in the hat. I have my new address and I should have a cable connection set up when I get there.

[Caz]

I know absolutely nothing about the Paranoia system but from the sad amount of research I've done it sounds awesome. Shall PM.

[B4UTRUST]

Excellent. Seeing as how I now own nigh every paranoia book ever created if anyone needs some material from core books let me know. I'm sure I could pull some out of my pdfs and post it.

[Pcm979]

I'm in a similar situation to Caz. In fact, identical. Sign me up! Then, tell me how the hell it works!

[B4UTRUST]

Hey Hey Hey Citizens! Your friend, The Computer, here to tell you to cheer up, take heart and take your HappyTyme pills! I, at no insignificant expense of time and resources, have compiled for you a introductory file for your ready enjoyment on all the important information you, as a Troubleshooter and Citizen of Alpha Complex, will need to survive.

Please point your PDC file download applications to the following mandatorily fun download!
Intro to Paranoia

This file is a PDF file measuring in at 642Kb and weighing in at a hefty 39 pages long. It contains every bit of data you should need for making a brand new Troubleshooter character with examples to follow included! Isn't that great! Of course it's great! It's made by your friend, The Computer, and as we all know anything that The Computer makes must be great am I right? Of course I'm right, I'm The Computer. And I'm your friend. You believe your friends don't you? Of course you do loyal Citizen.

[elderdan]

Heh. PARANOIA often works best the less you know about the mechanics of the game! A buddy of mine in college used to run his games such that everyone started with a blank character sheet-- you only rolled to find what your attributes and stats were the first time you attempted to use them:

"I want to shoot him with my laser. Am I good with lasers?"
"Roll some dice and find out. Ohhhhh, tsk, looks like you're actually a pretty bad shot."
"I'm going for it anyway."

Where other game systems tend to encourage learning the mechanics so that the veteran student can min-max a superior character together, PARANOIA more or less disabuses you of any notion that there is any hope at all of controlling anything. And once you realize there is no hope, all those burdensome concerns you have in other RPGs-- "Will I survive? Will I advance? Will I get a bunch of cool stuff to keep?"-- just drift away like vapor. Despair, you'll find, is very liberating.

--The Elder Dan

[B4UTRUST]

Indeed it is. Since this is freeform stats are pretty much out the window save for which ones you're good and bad at so the GM(me) can use as a determination for something somewhere...maybe. Or maybe I'll just roll some dice and make shit up.

[Caz]

Indeed it is. Since this is freeform stats are pretty much out the window save for which ones you're good and bad at so the GM(me) can use as a determination for something somewhere...maybe. Or maybe I'll just roll some dice and make shit up.

Always the best way to do things! I'll rename my character once I can come up with something EXCITING AND INTERESTING.

[Pcm979]

Yeah, I'll get back to you on it. Like, later. But I will. *Zooms off, covered in paperwork*

[Caz]

Tell me if you've got issues with any of my posts... and I dunno if I'm going to be offering character art. Maybe once I've done some more research. :3

[Cynical Cat]

A reality TV show. And I thought I was evil.

[B4UTRUST]

This is Paranoia. This is just the beginning. This is fun. The Computer says so.

[Dark Silver]

Ohh..the grizzeled Vertern....

"I remember the night of slavemine in Outside Sector....the dust was so think you had to use windshield wipers on your standard occular protection gear. Then this gigantic Mutant, came tromping and stomping down the battlefield..."

[Caz]

This is Paranoia. This is just the beginning. This is fun. The Computer says so.

At least they won't be sexing like on most reality shows.

[B4UTRUST]

"You smell that? You smell that?! That's DEWM, Citizen. Nothing else in Alpha Complex smells quite like it. It smells like... lemony-fresh furniture polish..."

[elderdan]

I think some citizens must have taken too many sleepy-sleepy pills...

--The Elder Dan

[B4UTRUST]

Indeed. Well, there have been issues in real life. One of the players (Caz) has recently moved so her internet access is a bit spotty and while she finds a permanent place of living, work, etc her time is limited. So we're on a temporary break for that I believe. But I'm ready to finish whenever everyone's ready again.

Oh, and for more mandatory fun, I just picked up Extreme Paranoia ^_^ (fun stuff for the food vat mission in WMD *evil laugh*) and a new bumper sticker that says "The computer is your friend, trust the computer." I kid you not. It actually says that. I couldn't pass it up.

[Caz]

Indeed. Well, there have been issues in real life. One of the players (Caz) has recently moved so her internet access is a bit spotty and while she finds a permanent place of living, work, etc her time is limited. So we're on a temporary break for that I believe. But I'm ready to finish whenever everyone's ready again.

Oh, and for more mandatory fun, I just picked up Extreme Paranoia ^_^ (fun stuff for the food vat mission in WMD *evil laugh*) and a new bumper sticker that says "The computer is your friend, trust the computer." I kid you not. It actually says that. I couldn't pass it up.

Once Petro and I have some more permanent digs, we'll be up and at 'em once again!