....besides myself.
Well, now I'm 30, still single, and still haven't got any interests to get myself in a serious commitment.
Actually, I wasn't this extreme before my latest (and biggest) heartbreak around mid-2004, but even before that, I never felt any "urgency" to get seriously committed either. However, despite my previous heartbreaks, I was still open to the possibility that I may get permanently attached to someone someday.
But that was before the latest one.
Now, I have been totally uninterested in a permanent relationship. At all.
It has been almost two years since that one biggest screwup in my life. I thought it would be only temporary (like previous cases), but even without the bitterness, the total lack of interest is still there. I dunno', I'm just not interested at all *shrugs*. I still date some women, but nothing permanent. Even when I'm really attracted to the woman, the interest to get serious is still not there. Nope. Nein. Non. Nada. Fuck No.
And probably it also explains my tendency to have affair with married women (No, this is not justification and I still did the wrong thing that I should not do again in the future). See, I actually feel way safer when having such relationship, because it won't be possible for me to get "trapped" in a permanent relationship with them, because they are already married!
Well, I don't know. Maybe I'm just (sub-consciously) still feeling the pain? I'm not sure. All I really know for sure is that I'm simply, totally, not interested in a permanent relationship. As a note, even before the latest heartbreak, I always enjoyed being single, so it is never difficult to indulge myself that way like I do now.
Anyway, I tried to compare with the other people I know who also got screwed up in their relationship. One of them was screwed by his fiancee just before their marriage (she ran away with another guy), but now he's married with another woman. I don't think he is a good example, though, because the reason of his marriage is things like social pressure and "oriental" values and such.
I have another friend who was screwed as well, but she still has the hope, and more importantly, the interest to get a serious relationship. Like me, she keeps dating the opposite sex. But unlike me, her goal is to get a serious relationship. (anyway, she already has permanent boyfriend by now).
Last but not least, I feel actually nothing wrong with my total lack of interest in serious relationship. In fact, I always enjoy being free. However, the fact it was started since my latest heartbreak disturbs me somewhat; is it actually "normal"? Am I the only guy who is uninterested in marriage at all?
PS: don't we need an ARSE-esque forum?
:thumbsup
